39. What If I’m A Murderer?: 29 Hospitalizations, Taboo OCD Themes, & the Recovery Lifestyle with Tracie Ibrahim, LMFT, CST
Description
On episode 39 of A Chat with Uma, I invite my dear friend Tracie Ibrahim, LMFT, CST to tell her full survivorship story of 29 psychiatric hospitalizations, misdiagnoses of schizophrenia & homicidality, childhood abuse, & a mental-health system that nearly killed her—until she learned the name of the monster (OCD) & fought back with exposure & response prevention. Tracie’s journey, like her, is messy, punk-rock, & heartbreakingly human, all at once: sneaking out of locked wards, filing her own writ of habeas corpus at 15, raising three kids while “raw-dogging” her mental health, & finally transforming the shame of harm, suicidal, & contamination OCD into a career as NOCD’s Chief Compliance Officer & the Instagram beacon “@TabooTracie." If you’ve ever felt defective, dangerous, or beyond help, this episode is a hug, a battle cry, & a masterclass in radical self-acceptance.
Tracie Ibrahim, LMFT, CST, has 20+ years of experience in providing mental health services. Her specialization is treating OCD, anxiety & related disorders & depression, alongside a spectrum of issues affecting the LGBTQIA+ community, & issues with sexual health & functioning. Her expertise has been utilized to create high-quality programs addressing the increasing need for evidence-based counseling interventions. Currently serving as NOCD's Chief Compliance Officer, Tracie focuses on creating & implementing evidence-based treatment & compliance programs. Her passion for OCD treatment & advocacy work stems from managing her own OCD for 40+ years & raising children with OCD, anxiety, depression & neurodiversity.
Topics Discussed (+ Timestamps):
(00:00:00 ) Introduction & welcome to Tracie!
(00:10:06 ) “Who is Tracie behind the titles?”—hover-mom, punk soul, universal acceptor
(00:15:00 ) The first cracks: magical-thinking OCD at age 4, nightmares, divorce
(00:20:00 ) Abuse, police indifference, & a 10-year-old’s first involuntary hold
(00:26:00 ) Cutting, suicidal rituals, being considered homicidal, misdiagnosis of schizophrenia
(00:31:00 ) Oppositional defiance label → transfer to county lockdown
(00:37:00 ) Life inside Camarillo State Hospital with a roommate who’d murdered her family
(00:43:30 ) Filing a writ of habeas corpus—& winning her own release at 15
(00:51:00 ) Surviving residential care, starting community college
(00:56:30 ) Discovering ERP & real OCD on Google, self-experimenting with money exposures
(01:03:00 ) Turning pain into purpose: training clinicians, supervising interns
(01:10:30 ) From therapist to NOCD’s Chief Compliance Officer—scaling ethical care
(01:19:00 ) TabooTracie is born: why she tackles pedophilia, harm & suicide themes online
(01:24:00 ) Living proof: managing daily suicidal OCD while medication-resistant
(01:30:40 ) Reconciling with grief, advocacy as turning pain into purpose, & raising children
(01:37:50 ) The differences between pedophilia OCD vs. true pedophilia
(01:46:30 ) The anatomy of intrusive thoughts, urges, and compulsions in plain language
(01:52:00 ) Closing reflections, rapid-fire questions
Connect with Tracie!
- Instagram: @TabooTracie
- LinkedIn: Tracie Ibrahim, LMFT, CST
Connect with me!
- My website: umarchatterjee.com
- Instagram: @UmaRChatterjee
- Twitter: @UmaRChatterjee
- TikTok: @UmaRChatterjee
- Email: hello@umarchatterjee.com
- Support my work:https://ko-fi.com/umarchatterjee
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