EP 58: Do I Have Imposter Syndrome? How Do I Know if I Am Self-Sabotaging Myself?

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What's up ladies I'm back.  well, listen. So I am totally doubting my abilities and feeling like a complete fraud. Yeah. I said it… a complete fake phony fraud. Have you ever felt that way? That's about what we're gonna talk about today in today's episode, I've been away for so long, but I'm back and I have missed you guys. So let's get into today's episode about being a fake a phony.

What's up ladies. I am back, back back. And I first wanna thank a friend of mine named Rochelle, because she has been on me on me, on me sisters. Listen, you guys need accountability partners in your life. Like I have, I've got this girl, this friend of mine, Rochelle, who asks me almost every time that she sees me. Are you ever gonna do a podcast episode again? And I'm like, girl. Yes, but I don't know… things. Life has just crazy. It's happened and I've dropped off guys. It's August and I am pretty sure it's been since December, since I have posted, it has been a wild and crazy year. And so you heard what I said when I said the intro, which was feeling like a fraud, a fake, a phony, right. Well, that is exactly what we're gonna talk about today. And I will go into in some future episodes about what's been going on in this past year and what I've been doing.

But I just wanted to first thank and give a shout out to Rochelle because I know she'll hear this and I want to thank you my friend for being on top of me and accountability because we need that. We need that in our lives. And I am so thankful that I have a close group of ladies that hold me accountable to do and say what it is I am meant to do and say, okay, so let's talk a little bit about feeling like a fraud, doubting your abilities and that kind of thing today. I'm talking about duh duh imposter syndrome. So how many of you guys have heard of imposter syndrome? It is loosely defined. It's about doubting your abilities, feeling like a fraud, a fake, a phony, it, it actually disproportionately affects very high achieving people, high achieving people and those people in, and I'm, I'm one of those people in case you didn't know it, you find it difficult to accept your accomplishments.

And so many question, whether or not they're deserving of accolades or accomplishments or things that they've done, right? So imposter syndrome, it's an internal experience. So it happens inside. It's like a, you know, that, that negative self talk that happens. It's believing that you're not as competent as others perceive you to be. So others are saying that you're competent, but you really in your hood and your emotions in your heart, you don't feel like you're very competent. You're competent. This is it's usually narrowly applied to highly achieved people. It does have links to perfectionism and you guys know my history with perfectionism and unbecoming perfectionism, right? So it is usually tied to that, but it can hit anybody. Anybody can feel this way. At any point in time, it's basically experience of feeling like a fake, a phony. You feel like as if any moment, you're gonna be found out that you are a total fake, you're a total fraud.

Like you don't belong where you are, you don't deserve what you've got. And you've basically just gotten there through dumb luck which by the way, I don't believe in luck, I believe in blessings. But it can affect anyone, no matter their social status, no matter their work background, their skill level, their degree of expertise. It can hit anyone at any time. Some of the common signs of imposter syndrome are an inability to assess your own competence and skills really see those for what they are. It is attributing your success to external factors other than yourself and you know, on this podcast, you know, God, right. It's it's me and God. Okay. it thinking about the fact that, well, that wasn't me. That was something else. Okay. You berate your performance, you downplay what you've done to get the accomplishments that you've, you've experienced.

You fear that you won't live up to expectations. You overachieve, you overcompensate for things. Oh my Lord. This is speaking to me so much because in my past specifically, and then very recently, I had a overwhelming feeling of this, these symptoms, which are defini definition of imposter syndrome. You sabotage your own success. You doubt yourself, you set very challenging goals. And then you feel like you have a right to feel disappointed when you fall short or in the sabotaging way, you set such high goals that, you know, you'll never meet them because you feel like you need to fall short because you're not measuring up to what everybody thinks you are. It is like this horrible cycle. So coping with imposter syndrome, when you look at when you look up things like on the internet or reading books, this is what they say to help you get past the imposter syndrome.

You've gotta start asking yourself some hard questions and you need to really think about self-awareness awareness, which is true. You've gotta be self-aware to know that you're even experiencing this. This hit me so hard recently. And I'll tell you a little story about it in a second. So questions you need to ask yourself are what are the core beliefs that I hold about myself? What do I believe about myself? Second question, which is like, if there was an a and B, this would be B, where am I getting the beliefs that I hold myself to fru that becomes very important spiritually, especially because if I feel heavily, this imposter syndrome and all of these symptoms that come with it, and then I ask myself, what are the core beliefs that I really hold about myself when I start to examine and point out all of the things that I'm thinking about myself that are not true, I have to then look at where did I form these beliefs from where?

Right. Am I looking in the truth to find out who I am? What I am beliefs about myself? Or am I looking to what is probably not the truth, which is a lot of times in the world or all the things that are not in the truth and in the truth. I am talking about the Bible. Yes, because that is where the truth comes from. Another question, do I believe I am worthy of love as I am like, if do I really believe right now as I stand here being who I am, that I am worthy of love and to be loved. Do I believe that? And if I don't believe that, why, why do I not believe I'm worthy as love or worthy of love? Must I be perfect for others to approve of me? Do I have to be walking in perfection or think that I have to present perfection to the world?

Ooh, this one, this one gets me every time. When I think about having people to my house, because it is such a place of non perfectionism to me because the three boys and the dogs and the lack of time, I have to actually spend the amount of time I need to on my house to keep it clean. Ugh, Lord, Lord. This one hits me bad. So here's why all of this came up for me. And this is where I, you know, I, I was asked recently to do a Bible study at my church and my pastor asked me and I am always, always, always gonna be a very close yes. Close. Yes. A C se. And then yes. That's what I'm saying. A close. Yes. And that's a whole nother podcast episode, actually. I think I have it recorded and I haven't, I haven't downloaded it to you guys yet.

I need to do that, but how to be a close? Yes. And why you wanna be a close? Yes, but I am always gonna be to my pastor a close. Yes. Because I know that if she asks me to do something, there's a reason she's asking me to do it. So she asks me probably two months ahead of time, two months ahead of time to do a Bible study where I would lead a lady's Bible study at our church in front of very godly spiritual women, amazing women. Okay. And I said, yes. And then this imposter syndrome paralyzed me for months, for two months, paralyzed me literally up into until the day before I was supposed to do this Bible study, I was completely stuck. I was not able to get to the content of what she asked me to share about, because I was overwhelmed with feeling like a fr a fraud, a fake, like, who am I to get up in front of these ladies who I know or I perceive do all of these things for God.

And you know, they, they memorize scripture and they know the Bible back and forth, and they know all the stories in the Bible. And you know, they're wonderful wives and wonderful mothers and you know, know amazing servants and who in the world am I to stand up in front of these ladies and give them a Bible study? So I was paralyzed and it wa I was just paralyzed. So finally, I'm trying to prep. I'm trying to prep every time I go to prep, I'm just stuck. I'm looking at what she's asked me to go over and I'll, and I'll tell you what that is in a minute. And I just can't, I I'm reading the words and the scriptures. I'm I'm I'm I know what these gifts are, but I just can't get it together to get a Bible study prepped for thi