In this episode, we discuss:

• How to position yourself to prepare for dating after divorce
• How to set yourself up for success when you enter the dating arena
• Tips on first dates

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TRANSCRIPT:

Rhonda: Thank you so much for joining us for another episode. I am delighted to be able to have a very special guest on with us today. It's interesting because we are going to be talking about dating. You might be thinking, "Okay, Rhonda, I'm super overwhelmed and just really having a challenging time." This is probably one of the last things that you feel like you want to talk about. But as I was thinking about who to bring on, I really think that this is an important conversation. The reason for that is because when I started my business, gosh, five years ago, the why on why I was doing my business is actually different or a little different than the reason that I'm doing it today. The reason that I started my business was because, hey, I just really felt emotionally compelled to wanting to help people that were in a challenging spot. There were a lot of things that had, had happened in my childhood that I can relate to. The feeling of abandonment, the feeling of frustration, the feeling of overwhelm.

Rhonda: A lot of that came from my dad being an alcoholic and just seeing the dynamic that my parents had. Well, recently, I celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary and it's really prompted me to be thinking about my why. I believe that my why has shifted in a sense that I want women to really experience what I have. My husband, there isn't a day that he doesn't get up and say something complimentary like, "Hey, good morning beautiful, good morning whatever, right?" He's just a very kind, respectful, thoughtful person. It's prompted me after two decades to really reflect on where we're at, and I was not in that spot 20 years ago. I was a mess and the consistency that he has brought to my life has allowed me to be able to do what I'm doing. Really, Lori, the passion for this conversation comes from me wanting for other women what I have. Unfortunately, my husband doesn't have any brothers, so this is where you come in.

Lori: It's wonderful out there.

Rhonda: Thank you.

Lori: Yes, I'm the brother that you don't ever have.

Rhonda: That's right, you know. I want to introduce our listeners to Lori Mendelsohn and she is the owner and founder of SmartFunnySingle, and she has over 33 years in the fashion industry and 12 years as an award-winning entrepreneur. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Lori: Rhonda, it is so my pleasure and I also want to thank you, first of all, for having me on and giving me this opportunity to talk and share about experiences that I have gone through from divorce. Again, I want to thank you for your help in helping me get through that divorce and introducing me to someone who could help me in that path, my attorney. I don't know if you recall the day that we met, I stood up and I had just experienced domestic abuse for the first time and I knew that that was the pivotal point that my marriage was over, and I was scared. You walked up to me and you told me that you could help me, and I will never forget that moment because my head was just spinning and reeling, and I was so afraid and so discombobulated. I don't use that word that often and destabilized and you helped me at that moment. That was when I really needed help, I didn't know what to do. I was terrified, so thank you.

Rhonda: You are most welcome. Yeah, I do remember that, and I have goosebumps just having you share that because I remember exactly where we were.

Lori: Yeah. Well, I'd like to share what happened if I could. It'll just take a second.

Rhonda: Yeah.

Lori: I was invited by a mutual friend to a networking event, and every woman stood up and had a minute spiel about her business, and I stood up and I started to talk about my business. I said, "I experienced domestic abuse for the first time today. My husband just put his fist through the kitchen sink and hit it and I'm afraid that that's going to be my head and I don't know what to do, and I don't know if I can even go home." I started crying and it was a very powerful moment and you were there and, again, thank you.

Rhonda: I'm glad that you mentioned that because you are somebody, and I know that we haven't known each other for a really long time but we've known each other long enough that you get a really good sense of people. Here you are, an accomplished business owner, a woman who I think people really view as having her shit together. I don't even swear on my podcast.

Rhonda: You are a confident person, you'd have some really great successes in your business, right?

Lori: Yep, very successful.

Rhonda: Right and here you are feeling like, "Oh my gosh, everything's now unraveling or I'm feeling frustrated, I'm feeling afraid." The domestic violence piece of it doesn't see different barriers. Doesn't see economic barriers, doesn't... I mean, it surpasses all of those things. From a perspective, from an outside perspective in and not from what I see through this, but I think a lot of people will say, "Well she's going to have access to resources, she's resourceful, she's going to..." But in that moment, you're not thinking clearly. You maybe don't have all the resources that you need as you're going through divorce. Like you're focused on your business, and you know what, I think it's just an encouragement, I think, for women to say, "Hey, listen, it is okay when we find ourselves in that vulnerable spot, the question is what do we do with it?"

Lori: Right.

Rhonda: There's a quote by Kristin Armstrong, which is just one of my absolute favorites, which is "when you find yourself in a vulnerable spot, the best thing that you can do is surround yourself with the strongest, finest, most positive people that you can find." That has been something that I have built my business on over the last five years, I implicitly believe that that's true. Because you don't want to be taken advantage of, and it's just really important that you find that team of people that can come alongside and support you in whatever fashion that looks like, and whatever support that you feel like you need.

Lori: Agreed.

Rhonda: I think that that's just a really powerful testimony for the women that are listening that our feeling like overwhelmed or feel shame or feel sad or whatever, it's okay to feel those emotions. The question becomes, "Yeah, what are we going to do with it?"

Lori: Right. It's funny, after this whole thing happened and I went to my hairdresser, he used a very different quote which was Winston Churchill's which is "when you're in the middle of battle, you keep going." I'm one of those people who has pretty much been self-supportive, self-propelled that, "Well, I can figure all this out on my own. I really don't need any help." I found when I released that, that there are people who wanted to help me, it made things so much easier. That there is a weight and just sitting here talking to you about this, Rhonda, I just relaxed when I said that. I'm getting goosebumps now because when you release it, you allow others who want to help, help you and it gives them a gift as well and that's very powerful.

Rhonda: I remember you also mentioned to me something about you just felt like you were in the midst of trying to swim through murky waters. You kept trying... Do you remember telling me that?

Lori: Yes, but it was I felt like I was swimming through mud, and I felt like I was swimming through mud literally for about a year. After he moved out, after the divorce, after rebuilding, after figuring out, "Okay, I can't keep swimming in this pool, I need to see daylight again. I need to get myself out of this."

Rhonda: Yeah. We've said this on other podcasts too, it's like women have told me, and I'm sure that you would attest this too, it's like nobody would even wish this on their worst enemy. It is by far one of the most challenging things that people have to go through, and especially, for women. Not just women, but we have our own unique set of challenges that come with us. I think it's exciting to see that you are on the other side of it and now you have within the last, what has it been, last year or so?

Lori: Yes.

Rhonda: Been doing your own business?

Lori: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Rhonda: Tell us a little bit about that journey and how you got to this place now and then we'll dive into some tips on dating?

Lori: Sure. Speaking about going through divorce myself, so a little bit of background. This was my third marriage, and this was the marriage that I really wanted to last my lifetime. To me, divorce wasn't ever going to be an option, but it started unraveling to the point that we were just two people li