Learning Kindness From Parent-Child Bonding

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Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan: Yes, how kindness moves you to take action, you yourself, or just makes you feel something so good it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness. You might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good. Hi everyone!

Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts LP and Nan. Now in a previous episode we discussed how to teach kindness to kids.

Lois Paula: And in that discussion we met Teresa and learned about her daughter Katelyn and the importance of, you know, fostering a child’s urge to share kind acts. Now in today’s episode we continue the discussion of sharing acts of kindness with your child but we dive a little bit deeper and shift the perspective now to a father–a father of three who actively encourages his children to join outreach efforts that help their community. Now, as a mother, that’s something I inspired to do because it’s, it’s really these kinds of activities that promote, you know, parent-child bonding and teach kindness at the same time.

Nan: Yeah, you know, I’m really, really glad that we’re continuing this discussion LP because it’s such an important topic right? I mean parent child bonding and being able to do these acts of kindness together. But I’m even more excited because we get to hear from a father. You know sometimes the perception is that it’s generally the mother that children learn kindness from, which I totally understand. You know, I learned a lot from my mom about kindness and being caring and she really influenced me greatly. But I would also like to highlight all the dads out there that make it a point to teach kindness, you know.

Lois Paula: Yes.

Nan: My dad definitely took the time to teach me those lessons so I just wanted to highlight all the dads out there and also tell my dad thank you. So thanks dad!

Lois Paula: Yes, yes, that’s right. Now speaking of dads, shout out to all of the fathers, to all of the husbands out there. Just want to say thanks to my husband as well. You know, you’re right. We really do try our best to take every opportunity to be, you know, the best parents. But there are a ton of dads out there, you know, who are doing the same thing–trying to set a great example. And it just so happens that we are meeting one today. Yes! So he joins us all the way from New Jersey, let’s welcome Ted Pascual. Hi Ted.

Nan: Hi Ted.

Ted Pascual: Hello Nan, hello LP. Thank you for having me here today.

Nan: We’re so so excited to have you. 

Lois Paula: Yeah.

Nan: You know we’re really happy that you could join us today all the way from New Jersey and I mentioned earlier that I was really excited to have you on the podcast. 

Nan: As a father, you’ve encouraged volunteering and acts of kindness, which I’d like to highlight even more because we have all the awesome moms, but I also want to show all the awesome dads. And before we jump into your fatherhood though, I would like to start from the beginning–if you could tell us a little bit about your childhood. Who or what were your biggest influences when it came to your outlook on kindness?

Ted Pascual: Well okay, so just to go back on what you guys were saying–yes, we always learn a lot of kindness from our mothers. Um, but the thing is I’ve always believed that there’s a lot of lessons that aren’t taught, you have to watch, you have to learn by sight. You have to learn by what you see. And that was the lesson that my dad taught being brought up in the Philippines. So they have that “I-am-head-of-household-I-just-give-you-a-stare.”

Lois Paula: Yeah, the culture. 

Ted Pascual: Yes. If someone needs to talk to you, it will be your mom. So my mom came to me with the “kindness” voice and calmness and where it was my father who just had that look. But as he performed his duties in the Church, you just see a totally different person. That’s where you see his kindness. You see how much he’s willing to help others without receiving anything in return. And it’s not because he had to, it’s because he wanted to. It was just how he was brought up and that’s how I was brought up. Yes I heard kindness from my mother but I saw a lot of kindness from my father. So that’s something that I’m trying to teach a little bit of both to my children..

Ted Pascual: So as a child, going back to what you were mentioning, one of my influences, of course, it’s always going to be my parents. You’re young and you hear a lot of “You have to be kind. You have to be nice to people.” And sometimes you’re just, “Why?” But when you’re really young, you don’t understand why. So you can say “Why?” and they’re going to say, “Oh because of this and this and this and that.” And you’re just like–

Lois Paula: Okay.

Nan: Right.

Ted Pascual: You know, but then when, when you actually see them do it. And you’re seeing them and it’s not a labor you know? You don’t see them struggling to do it. You see them enjoying what they’re doing. You see them, how happy they are. You just learn–that’s the lesson that you’re learning of what kindness actually is. Of course my, you know, my parents always gonna be my influence as well as my sisters. They’ve always, you know, they were always there to help me, to remind me to be humble and to always be kind. But it also goes down to all the other elders growing up. As children, back in my day a long time ago, you know, there wasn’t that many, you know, there wasn’t that many superheroes or people that we really look up to. You know, the people that we looked up to were the ones that we seen majority of our life and we spent a lot of time in the Church.

Ted Pascual: You see how they are being kind to one another and that just grows on you, you know? It’s like, well that’s what we’re being taught. We’re being taught to love our fellow man, the people that we’re seeing every day. And that’s just how you become influenced by–you’re like, “Well I want to be just like that. I want to be a nice person. I want to enjoy that type of kindness–that feeling.” You know, you don’t really get that feeling yet because you don’t really understand what it is but you see how it is.

Lois Paula: And I would love to touch base on that topic just a little bit later because you know you’re comparing back then when we only saw what we see in front of us and now when there’s influences all over the place, you know? 

Ted Pascual: Yes, yes.

Lois Paula: But I would love to kind of just touch base on your childhood experiences. You know you said that you saw a lot from your parents. You saw a lot from those that surrounded your experiences, you know, at the chapel compounds, going to the Church Of Christ. Were there any childhood experiences specifically that stuck out and stuck with you throughout the years even until now, if you had one moment or a few that you could remember?

Ted Pascual: One of the things that my parents, like I said, you know whenever someone would call and say, “So-and- so needs a ride.” You know, and when I became a decent driver, ah that as well came upon, like,

“Hey, you know, we need brothers and sisters who can go to a different congregation to sing. But who’s going to drive them?” 

“I will, I don’t mind.”

You know–and that’s just something that, like okay, so those are the, you know, that’s a simple gesture, you know? And even up till this day, you know, so it’s funny because I seen it happen when I was a child. I did it when I was a teenager. And now here, now that I’m grown up, a parent of, you know, a family–we get that call, I would still do the same thing without, you know, without second questioning or anything like that. 

Lois Paula: And I’m pretty sure your children see that that “selfless” in you as well and they’re gonna remember that. It’s just a simple gesture but it says a lot. You know, actions speak louder than words, like you mentioned. We appreciate your sharing those moments with us. And it’s always interesting, you know, just to reflect, to trace the origins, so to say, of our kindness journeys and our journeys in general. And it is–it’s an ongoing path of course. But now we want to shift our focus towards your transition into fatherhood.

Ted Pascual: Yes.

Lois Paula: Can you tell us a little bit first about, you know, your children your family–how many kids do you have Ted?

Ted Pascual: I have three children. My oldest is turning 25.

Lois Paula: Oh 25 okay.

Nan: Ah I would have never have guessed that, that she’s turning 25.

Ted Pascual: Yes she is turning 25. She currently lives and works in New York. 

Lois Paula: Wow.