Thank you for indulging me these last few weeks.

I know I've gotten a little bit off the track of what this project was originally supposed to be about; I've made it too much about myself.

I guess you could say I went through a bit of a funk, but I feel like I'm back to normal now—well, as normal as I could be—and I'm happy to say that there are three really interesting guests lined up, so you won't have to endure any solo episodes for a while.

In order to un-muddy these waters, I've decided to write a book to help me channel all that "personal writing" somewhere else.

I know I said I was writing a book already, a few months ago, about “Aikido as Theurgy,” but I can't really write those kinds of books. I can't academically compare “Aikido and Theurgy.”

It made for some fascinating research, but it was kinda based on a “marketing idea” I had. I was really into Neoplatonism and I wanted to somehow link the two worlds together—like get Aikido people interested in Neoplatonism and get Neoplatonists into Aikido—but I don't know how to do that. I went on some podcasts that I thought might be interested in hearing about Aikido from the theurgical perspective, but it just didn't work.

I think Aikido is theurgical. I believe O Sensei was genuinely communicating with the divine. But I simply can't write academically. Even if I have “sources,” I always feel like I'm assembling a collage of other people’s writing.

I like reading academic works, but I dropped out of community college for a reason, you know?

From now on, "Ki to the City" is going to have much less of my own background noise—who I thought I was before I started Aikido, etc.

All that personal rigmarole will be channeled into the aforementioned book I decided I was going to write just now when I went for a nice, long walk, because it's obviously still there bubbling on the surface, and I can't just ignore or suppress it.

Whenever I sit down to write, there's an aspect of my persona that kind of jumps out—clamoring to be discussed.

I don't mean like I have multiple personality disorder; I'm just me. But whenever it comes time to think about what "occupation" I want to have in the world—like how I want to fit into society, what "role" I want to play—I've never been able to decide on one.

I get claustrophobic thinking I have to perform one action for the rest of my life. The only thing I've ever stuck to is Aikido because it's fun, because when I go to the dojo I can participate in this living, four-dimensional Tetris action figure practice and I feel better after—and I'm cultivating my life force. I'm growing my soul; I'm adding, not subtracting. Even though I'm spending a lot of energy, I'm also receiving energy. It's hard to explain, but if you practice Aikido, I'm pretty sure you already know what I mean.

Before I discovered Aikido, I had this idea of the role I was supposed to play in the bazaar theatre that is modern human society. I had the persona that I was putting up for sale, and that, unfortunately, could best be described as a subtly suicidal, sad, psychedelic, celebrity shaman poet clown with a picaresque rascal tinge.

Now I know I’d rather be like a mystic martial arts philosopher type (I really wish I had an Alan Watts accent; people would take me more seriously), so I want to focus on that, but I have to acknowledge… not my shadow… I don't wanna call it “my shadow” (I’m not a Jungian) because, you know, it's its own thing; it’s not a shadow of something else… but, whatever it is, I have to acknowledge it – so I'm going to channel writing about it into that book I was talking about. I'll be putting that out in a couple months, I guess. So, if you wanna know more about me, then you could just read my book. I won’t trouble you about it here anymore.

Substack is a strange medium. You can't write too deeply – you only got five minutes. I only expect you to pay attention for like five minutes. I know you have a lot going on yourself – it's going to your email, and that's annoying. Also, there are new subscribers sometimes, so I never know how to keep them updated on what I’ve written before.

Now, you can expect this podcast/Substack project to be much more cleanly delineated: more about Aikido, less about me. I can dispense with all of the other stuff I was trying to shoehorn in. That'll all be in the book.

I’m sincerely excited about the next few episodes. They’re going to be very insightful and indicative of what I genuinely want to focus on going forward: how Aikido really can make the world a better place.

The world, right now, according to the "news cycle," is completely insane. I'm talking about s**t like "nuclear reactors on the moon." (That story got kind of hidden; no one really talked about it, but it's a real story.) They're talking about putting nuclear reactors on the moon. That's insane. That's crazy—not to mention all the other s**t that's going on (techno-feudalism)—but anyway…

I'm sure we can make a dent somehow. There's gotta be a way to conjure up some authentic harmony—not forced, not hypnotic harmony—not people just being turned into cybernetic drones to dully do what they're being told.

A genuine harmony.

For me—for my little part—I really believe in Aikido. It's the only thing that puts me in a more harmonious mood. And if it could put me in a more harmonious mood, then I think it's worth celebrating and doing my utmost to promote however I can.

Peace.

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