为你读英语美文 · 第508期

主播：罗斌

各位为你读英语美文的听众朋友大家好，好久不见，我是罗斌，在深圳向你问好。时隔一年，再次做起电台节目，跟大家聊聊天，读读文章，仿佛又一次进入了一个乌托邦世界，不知道电台那头的你这一年过得如何 ？

今天和大家分享的话题或许会有些沉重，但可能大多数人，或者身边人，都经历过，或者正在经历着，它就是【抑郁症depression】，根据世界卫生组织统计，全球约10亿人正在遭受精神障碍困扰，中国精神卫生调查显示，我国抑郁症患者人数为9500万，这并不是一个小数字。

在第77期节目《走出抑郁 Out of Shadows》中主播Benny也曾经做过一起关于抑郁症的节目，并分享了自己如何走出抑郁的故事，今天的节目里，我想继续为大家分享的一篇文章，是出自马修·约翰斯通Matthew Johnstone的治愈绘本作品I Have A Black Dog, 《我有一只黑狗》，而这只黑狗就是抑郁症。马修.约翰斯通曾是一名抑郁症患者，他用极其触动人心的洞察力和细腻柔软的笔触，让世人了解到与一只“黑狗”作伴是什么感觉，描绘了他如何与“黑狗”搏斗、向“黑狗”屈服到与“黑狗”和解、驾驭“黑狗”的心路历程。绘本一经出版便大受欢迎，引发了读者深度共鸣。

今天，我把它分享给你，希望能够带给你些许力量和启发，去面对这只黑狗。

I Have A Black Dog

《我有一只黑狗》

作者 Matthew Johnstone

翻译：中国日报双语新闻

I had a black dog. His name was Depression. Whenever the black dog made an appearance, I felt empty and life just seemed to slow down. He could surprise me with the visit for no reason or occasion. The back dog could make me look and feel older than my years.

我有一条黑狗，它名叫抑郁。黑狗一来，我就会感到空虚，生活百无聊赖。它会无缘无故突然造访，让我看起来，感觉起来，都像个老人。

When the rest of the world seemed to be enjoying life, I could only see it through the black dog. Activities that usually brought me pleasure suddenly ceased to. He liked to ruin my appetite. He chewed up my memory and my ability to concentrate. Doing anything or going anywhere with black dog required super human strength.

其他人在享受生活时，而我却只能和黑狗相伴，那些曾带给我快乐的事也提不起我的兴趣。它让我丧失食欲，蚕食我的记忆力，让我无法集中精神。拖着这条黑狗，我就什么事都不想做，哪里也不想去。

At social occasions, he would sniff out what confidence I had and chase it away. My biggest fear was being found out; I worried that people judge me. Because of the shame and stigma of the black dog, I was constantly worried about being found out.

社交场合里，它会驱走我残存的自信我最害怕的是被人知道，担心别人说三道四，黑狗带来的羞愧和耻辱，让我时刻担心会被发现。

So I invested a vast amount of energy into covering him up. Keeping up an emotional life is exhausting! Black dog could make me think and say negative things. He could make me irritable and difficult to be around. He would take my love and bury my intimacy. 

因此我竭力掩盖，掩藏情绪的生活，让人精疲力竭黑狗让我消极地思考和言谈，它让我喜怒无常，难以相处，它夺走了我的爱，埋藏了温情。

He loved nothing more than to wake me up with highly reparative negative thinking. He also liked to remind me how exhausted I was going to be the next day.

它最爱在半夜把我唤醒，心中只有那些消极地念头，它还提醒着我将会面对对么心力交瘁的一天。

Having a black dog in your life isn’t so much about feeling a bit down, sad or blue...at its worst it’s about being devoid of feeling altogether. 

生活中黑狗的跟随，不仅是些许失落，感伤，忧郁，最糟糕时，我根本已毫无知觉。

As I got older, the black dog got bigger and he started hanging around all the time. I'd chase him off with whatever I thought might send him running. But more often than not he'd come out on top. Going down became easier than getting up again. 

我一天天老区，黑狗一点点长大，他开始时刻不离我的左右，我试图捡起家伙，想尽办法驱赶它，但获胜的往往是它，和重新站起来相比，躺倒变得更容易。

The black dog had finally succeeded in hijacking my life. When you lose all joy in life, you can begin to question what the point of it is.

黑狗终于劫走了我的生活，当生活不再有丝毫快乐，你便开始怀疑生命的意义。

Thankfully, this was the time that I sought professional help. This was my first step towards recovery and a major turning point in my life; I learnt that it doesn’t matter who you are the black dog affects millions and millions of people; it is an equal opportunity mongrel.

幸运的是，起就此打住，转而寻求专业帮助，那是我迈向康复的第一步，也是我人生的一大转折点我知道了，不管你是谁，无数人都会被它袭击，谁都可能在其阴影下生活。

I also learnt that there was no silver bullet or magic pill. Medication can help some and others might need a different approach altogether. I also learnt that being emotionally genuine and authentic to those who are close to you, can be an absolute game changer.

我还得知，没有什么灵丹妙药，药物对有些人有效，另一些人则需要完全不同的疗法，我还了解到，向亲近的人说出自己的真实感情，能起到关键的疗效。