This week on Advanced Muggle Studies, we discuss: Salazar Slytherin, the snake-fetish Zorro; differences in Chamber set design; enter Tom “Blofeld” Riddle; THE BIG REVEAL; sociopathic memories; dangerous toddlers; ironic narcissistic racism is ironic; and then the murders began; Tom Riddle sucks at anagrams; douchey school nicknames; Harry drops all the mics; useful plot information; speaking nonsense to statues; over-reliance on adverbs; Fawkes the super-mutated rooster; Gryffindor was also over-concerned with male endowment, apparently; basilisk lore comes full circle; stop ignoring Ginny, dammit; Lockhart had it coming; King Arthur and Guinevere in the Chamber of Secrets; what Harry Potter, Thor, and King Arthur have in common; why we’re always pulling things out of hats; the shitty reason witches wear pointed hats; the Christian roots of EVERYTHING; snakes and the Devil; the Sword of Truth; fulfillment of the first Biblical prophecy; stigmatizing armadillos; humanity’s obsession with swords; symbolism of books in medieval art and why Harry should only have stabbed the book once; how magic violates the “natural order”; theories on where magic wands come from; and a healthy dose of White People Nonsense.

Welcome back! We are on Chapter 17 – the Heir of Slytherin.

C: AKA The good stuff.

S: Let’s dive in! We’ve got so much to talk about.

Chapter 17: The Heir Of Slytherin

When we last left our intrepid heroes, they entered the Chamber of Secrets, found the door with all the snakes on it, told it to open, and walked inside. Harry is now standing at the end of a very long, dimly lit chamber with towering stone pillars entwined with more carved serpents.

Salazar Slytherin had a very high opinion of himself.

C: And a snake fetish.

S: I understand having an ability that makes you feel special, but I feel like this guy went around emblazoning snakes on everything he possibly could.

C: He was like a shitty version of Zorro.

S: Exactly! Now I’m just picturing him whipping out a sword and scrawling “S” on things.

“The Chamber is complete, my lord. Any thoughts on the decor?” “SNAKES!! SNAKES EV!ERY!WHERE!!!”

C: Like in the movie when Tom Riddle writes in the air? That’s what he would do – whip out his wand and draw “S”’s and snakes and things in the air in front of people.

S: Harry goes forward between the serpentine columns, looking for Ginny. He finally comes face to face with a statue as high as the Chamber itself standing against the back wall. One must presume a statue of Salazar Slytherin, who we have established is very much in love with himself, his own visage, his ability to talk to snakes, the letter S – anything remotely related to himself.

C: Well, unless this is a stylized statue there’s really not much to be impressed with, because he looks like a monkey.

S: “Ancient and monkeyish.” I’ve always thought that was an interesting description. It feels weighted. I’m not sure if it’s meant to indicate that, quite literally, Salazar Slytherin was not the best-looking guy – or maybe a difference in artistic style, given that this was built hundreds of years ago – or then again, everything I associate with descriptions like “monkeyish” is so racist. And I think about this guy going on about his own racial superiority being described as monkeyish and ancient, and it makes me laugh.

C: Well, even though it says monkeyish, the way it describes a long thing beard makes me think of old statues in China.

S: Me too!

C: I wouldn’t necessarily look at that and think monkeyish, so…

S: Maybe just a stylistic choice. The beard falls almost to the bottom of his robes, where his two enormous feet stand on the floor. Really, if you close your eyes and imagine this gigantic statue Harry is standing at the base of, with Ginny lying prostrate at the feet of this towering figure – it’s kind of terrifying. It’s a powerful image. The great big face in the movie, which they opted for instead of a standing statue – I guess it accomplishes the same thing, but it has a different feel.

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