This week, we discuss: Harry’s angst puzzle; Hermione really doesn’t know him at all; NO ONE IS GOING TO KILL ANYONE OKAY; Evil Hermione; dead family guilt trips; the need for Pensieves in law enforcement; world-building and violating continuity by way of The Last Jedi; damn the man; the flobberworms asked for none of this; does anyone ever leave Azkaban?; medieval animal trials and executions; how to serve eviction notices to rats; the intersection of beast and human; virtuous donkeys; screaming goats and the world’s dumbest cats; no one listens to magical accessories; Crookshanks head canon; Trelawney v. McGonagall, round 2; teenage boys are dumb; plus thoughts, observations, and speculations for Solo.

S: Welcome back to Advanced Muggle Studies, where at long last – I thought it would never happen – we’re back to talk about the book!

C: We have not studied Muggles in lo these many years.

S: Have they changed? Tell us! Are they still weird?

C: I had no idea where we were in the book, and when you told me which chapter it was, and I started reading, I was like, I don’t even remember what has happened, so go me. Great podcast host with no clue what is going on at any point in time.

S: Excuse me, that makes us the best podcast hosts. And also, if I recall, when I started rereading this, I remembered we were getting close to the part that makes you yell a lot.

C: Yeah, I was annoyed with this chapter. Does it get worse? Do I get more annoyed? I don’t remember.

S: It does.

C: Ugh.

S: I’m sorry. For those of you who are just, for some reason stumbling across us, I am Professor Seraphine.

C: I am Professor Creed, who is just finishing her dinner.

Chapter 11: The Firebolt

S:  Last time we discussed how completely inept Ministry officials, or really any adults, are at keeping secrets around children they’re supposed to be protecting, because we had that incredibly well-timed conversation in the tavern at Madam Rosmerta’s, at which point Harry learned a lot of information that he conveniently needed to know, and simultaneously wasn’t supposed to know. When we pick up, Harry is literally stumbling back to the school through the passage in a fog, with the “Why did no one tell me this!” Running through his head, trying to figure out

Why hadn’t anyone ever mentioned that Harry’s parents had died because their best friend  had betrayed them?

Which, to be fair, is not an easy convo to have with an angsty 13-year-old but given the circumstances maybe someone should have had it. I don’t know.

C: I don’t know either.

S: If I recall, Mr. Weasley wanted to have that conversation, but no one wanted to let him. Either way, Harry is very angsty, very upset, he’s avoiding everyone and goes up to the common room and the dorm and pulls out his photo album to look at the pictures, and for the first time he’s looking at the OTHER people in the photos, not just his parents. He has photos from the wedding where Sirius is there, when his parents were younger, and we find that Sirius is seriously good looking. A thousand fan fictions burst into life.

He’s building up some serious righteous hatred and doing a lot of projecting. I find it interesting that he’s imagining a lot of stuff in this scene – he’s not dreaming, but it describes him as watching events in his head like a film:

Sirius Black blasting Peter Pettigrew (who resembled Neville Longbottom) into a thousand pieces. He could hear (though having no idea what Black’s voice might sound like) a low, excited mutter.

And imagining what Sirius might have said to Voldemort, and Voldemort’s laugh, and it’s all fitting together like pieces of a perfect little puzzle in his head as to how this must have all gone down, making him very angry in the process.

To the extent that he shows up around noon the next day, and everyone is like, wow, you look awful. Conveniently everyone is gone for the holidays, so there’s that, and it’s just Harry, Ron, and Hermione. The