Lauren Hayes discussed the often-misunderstood world of ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and the swinging lifestyle. What emerged was a thought-provoking exploration of the deeper personal growth and self-awareness that can come from embracing this unconventional relationship model.

Lauren, a self-described swinger, began by explaining the nuances of ENM, differentiating it from the more commonly understood concept of cheating. “Ethically non-monogamous means that everyone involved in these situations knows everything that’s going on and is consenting,” she clarified. This emphasis on consent and transparency is a crucial aspect that sets ENM apart from unethical monogamy.

As Lauren shared her own journey into the swinging lifestyle, Walt and Jodi Lynn were struck by the level of vulnerability and communication required. “There are so many levels of connection that you can have with humans, from the cashier at the grocery store to, you know, you have a connection with that person,” Lauren explained.

“Humans love to connect. It’s what we live for. So there are so many levels between, hi, nice to meet you, and I’m in love with you, and these are all the levels that non-monogamy operates in which monogamy never really taught us.”

This revelation challenged the common misconception that non-monogamy is solely about sex. “I think people think about the sex and they stop there,” Jodi Lynn acknowledged. “But even in the example you used, if she has a girlfriend, that’s likely a deeper relationship than just sex.”

Lauren emphasized that the true value of exploring non-monogamy lies in the personal growth it can foster. “Knowing, loving and trusting yourself are probably the biggest things to come out of being part of the ethically non-monogamous community,” she shared. This sentiment was echoed by Walt, who recognized the importance of self-awareness as a foundation for navigating the complexities of non-monogamous relationships.

One of the key challenges Lauren highlighted was the need for clear communication and the establishment of boundaries. “There’s so much conversation that should, at least, I should say, be happening before you get into a bedroom, because, and there’s also same room, separate room. Some couples swap and like to be in the same room. Some like to be in separate rooms. So if you went with a couple in the bedroom and they’re like, Oh, we’re separate room, oh, we’re same room, like, that’s a complete incompatibility.”

This level of transparency and open dialogue, while daunting for some, is essential for the success and growth of non-monogamous relationships. As Walt observed, “you really need to have a strong background with talking about everything before you can even pursue it, because otherwise that, again, that’s going to be where you’re getting into, not just discomfort. You’re going to get into, like some really and that.”

Jodi Lynn’s final reflection encapsulated the deeper message of the conversation: “I think that the radical vulnerability that you have to have inside of this community, of course, you know, ripples out this tremendous personal growth. I can think of 1000 things that you would have to become conscious about or self aware about that you never thought about in your regular you know, day to day lives, or your regular relationships.”

In the end, Lauren’s insights challenged the preconceptions about non-monogamy and shed light on the profound personal transformation that can occur when individuals embrace the vulnerability and self-discovery inherent in this lifestyle.

Her website:  https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/

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