Pausing to play - Pleasure, deepening intimacy & freeing yourself from sexual shame.
In this episode, Debi and Dr Tina explore how the Pause, Play Connect Flow can also be a framework for deepening intimacy and connection between couples. Sexual intimacy is a natural way that many adults like to play, however, we can get caught up in the business of life and parenting, experience traumatic sexual experiences that affect or ability to enjoy sex, and be raised in ways that don’t encourage pleasure and play.
We also discuss the importance of raising our children to understand what healthy relationships look like.
Dr Tina Shameless
Dr Tina’s Website: https://www.tinaschermersellers.com
Links to book a call about speaking/training/consulting can be found on the website.
Professionals Training Course link: https://www.playhealing.com/training
Intro to some exciting Play Healing news including Debi’s trip to Poland to work with Ukrainian refugee families, the release of the new PAUSE, PLAY, CONNECT for professionals course and the release of brand new PAUSE, TATTOOS to raise funds for the work in Europe and help parents and their children to practice mindfulness and breath work in a playful way.
Intro to Tina’s work teaching sexuality for the last 30 years.
6 min The impact of writing your Sexual Narrative as a therapist.
7min The impact of not talking about sexual shame. Self-hatred
7:30 min Understanding normal developmental sexual experiences. The impact of the abstinence education.
‘Abstinence training was religious training in public schools.’
‘I was seeing levels of sexual shame that I had not seen before.’
10 min the impact of repressing feelings of connection.
Women are responsible for men's bad behaviour by just being and just living.
*11:45 min How do we deal with negative sexual experiences.
‘We’re built for connection and we’re built for pleasure. … it is hard wired in us. We may go about this
We leave out children to get their sexual education from the media .. is their body ok?
14 min. The impact of negative self image.
14:45 The symptoms of Sexual trauma locked in the body
A lot of people talk about having negative sexual experiences but their body went frozen. They didn’t
16:30 The impact of sexual trauma.
*17 min A compassionate response.
18:20 the model for healing sexual shame.
18:40 Frame, Name, Claim and Aim.
20 min learning how to claim your body as good.
20:30 breaking the cycle with our kids. How we can talk about sex with our kids.
21:15 The best sex linked to a feeling of safety
“What helps me know that I can trust myself?
What helps me know that someone else is trustworthy?”
Integrating the pause, play, connect framework and applying it to relationships
Pause to ask:
‘Get to know yourself and see yourself as beautiful and valuable.’
‘What brings you pleasure?
There’s safety to be who I am.,,
25 min noticing the environment and creating optimal environments for play.
25:30 min Who is that person that I am with where I want to bloom?
Experimentation and curiosity are all part of learning
If we were to learn differently our pre-frontal cortex would develop differently.
28:30 min deconstructing what is sex.
In the queer world there’s so much more permission to play and be whoever you are.
What are you into?
Allows for pausing and playing…
29:30 mum story …
*31 min What is the message we want to give our young people?
33 min Learning from the kink community.
34:30 Sex and flow.
36 min Tips for early relationships.
What do you want time first experience to look like for you?
*37 min We don’t really get to say yes in a relationship until we know we can say ‘no’
40 min How can we create connection in sexual relationships?
40 min Dating after a divorce and communicating our needs and capacity.
41 min Spotting signs of disconnect.
44 min Dr Tina shares two things she’d change the education system?
45 min closing remarks around shameless parenting.
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Enjoy playing and connecting with those you love but most importantly, don’t forget to pause ;)
Grab those temporary pause tattoo’s here: https://www.playhealing.com/shop/pausetattoos