Shame, Food & All-or-Nothing Thinking with Renae Saager

Update: 2025-10-05

Description

In this episode of Untethering Shame, Kyira sits down with coach Renae for a candid and powerful conversation about control, perfectionism, food, body image, and the cycles we often get stuck in when trying to “fix” ourselves.

Together, they explore why so many high-achieving women find themselves trapped in all-or-nothing thinking—whether with dieting, work, relationships, or overcommitting—and how shame and self-doubt fuel these cycles. Renae shares her own experiences with food and body image, the dangers of living for external validation, and how real change begins when we learn to tolerate discomfort, let go of impossible ideals, and ask the question: Do I even want to keep doing this?

The conversation covers the messy middle between shame and growth, the cultural messages that reinforce perfection, and the freedom that comes when we step out of survival mode and start creating lives aligned with our actual values.

Listeners will walk away with both validation and practical tools to reframe their relationship with food, success, and self-worth—reminders that being “perfectly imperfect” is not only enough, it’s where real peace lives.

Key Takeaways:

All-or-nothing thinking keeps us stuck in shame cycles—lasting change requires embracing imperfection.
Food, dieting, alcohol, and overwork often serve as coping tools for deeper issues of worth and belonging.
Social media snapshots and cultural messages fuel the myth of the “ideal self,” but the real self will always ebb and flow.
External validation feels good in the short term, but true security comes from cultivating internal self-worth.
Asking “Do I actually want to keep doing this?” is a powerful first step to breaking autopilot patterns.
High achievers often over-function to cover shame; learning to sit with discomfort opens the door to healthier choices.
Intention matters: the same behavior (e.g., working out, eating a salad) can either be shame-driven or value-driven.
Letting others be responsible for themselves is not selfish—it’s an act of respect and emotional maturity.
Recovery and growth exist on a spectrum; some days will feel “on point,” and others messy, but both are valid.
Ultimately, freedom comes from learning to approach life with curiosity and compassion instead of control and fear.

More about Renae:

Renae Saager is a sharp, straight-talking mindset coach who helps high-achieving women stop secretly bingeing, obsessing over food, and pretending everything’s “fine” when it’s clearly not. After years of living a double life with food—binging, restricting, hiding, and punishing herself—Renae broke free. Today, she coaches women to do the same: no diets, no shame, no starting over every Monday.

Connect with Renae:

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