[00:01:12 ] So today I'm talking with Terry. Terry, where are you at in the world?

[00:01:16 ] Terry: [00:01:16 ] I'm in the Northeast part of the country, not far from Philadelphia.

[00:01:20 ] dane: [00:01:20 ] Okay, and what's your big goal for the call?

[00:01:22 ] Terry: [00:01:22 ] I think my biggest goal for the call is I feel like as a woman that I had so much fear and to overcome some of that fear within business would be great.

[00:01:32 ] You know, not feeling good enough or feeling judged. So I would love to get some insight from you as it relates to that.

[00:01:39 ] dane: [00:01:39 ] So take a big old breath with me.

[00:01:46 ] I want to say it's very brave in my opinion, for you to be talking about this. It doesn't sound like someone who is a frayed would ask about this. Right.

[00:01:57 ] Terry: [00:01:57 ] Well, I think maybe because you know, I'm [00:02:00 ] behind a computer screen and nobody knows who I am asking about it, that I feel that freedom.

[00:02:05 ] dane: [00:02:05 ] Oh, great. Did you say you wanted to share your social security number with people

[00:02:10 ] on

[00:02:10 ] Terry: [00:02:10 ] this as well as my date of birth and my American express card?

[00:02:14 ] dane: [00:02:14 ] All good. Honestly, the expiration and the last four digits on the back, you know, so you have a sense of humor. This is great. So, okay. I'm going to tell you a couple of things. And I want you to hear them with your heart, and then we're going to go from there, okay? Okay. I believe women are especially hard wired to succeed in entrepreneurship.

[00:02:39 ] You are naturally wired from an evolutionary perspective, like you actually as simple as breathing. You can succeed was entrepreneurship, and I will give you very specific reasons why. How is it to hear that before I do?

[00:02:57 ] Terry: [00:02:57 ] It feels good. I don't know why, but I feel like I trust you. It feels like. You know as a mom, but I certainly have been the entrepreneur of our family as a single mom.

[00:03:07 ] So

[00:03:08 ] dane: [00:03:08 ] yeah, girl,

[00:03:09 ] Terry: [00:03:09 ] I want to believe that.

[00:03:11 ] dane: [00:03:11 ] Great. Let me show you how we can, the most successful businesses, the ones that do well and they sort of effortlessly grow are generally, not always, but generally around. A very deep, painful problem. These successful businesses that do very well also have very strong communities, a deep, painful problem, strong communities.

[00:03:44 ] Women, as far as I can tell, are especially hard wired to see someone in pain and help them and build community. Just hypothetically, let's say you had a million dollar per month [00:04:00 ] business right now, and it's solving a very deep, painful problem. Customers love you, and there's a great community around it, and you've got a great team who all love you that you've hired to make up for every single one of your own deficiencies, because entrepreneurs are generally just as flawed, if not more flawed than the rest of us.

[00:04:23 ] We just make up for it by hiring people to work in the areas that we're not good at. So if you were to pick two areas to obsess about, it would be about searching for a very deep pain and then building a community around it and learning how to sell and learning how to outsource. Tell me what's happening in your mind right now.

[00:04:43 ] Terry: [00:04:43 ] I think the first thing that comes up for me, the deep problem is I feel like I'm great at building community, have a great community of friends. My background actually is sales. Not great without sourcing yet. Thank you. So I feel like one of the things that's held me back in life and entrepreneurship is I don't feel like anybody can do it the way that I want it done.

[00:05:09 ] And I'm not willing to accept yet that someone may not be able to do it exactly the way that I want it done, but it would at least get done.

[00:05:20 ] dane: [00:05:20 ] I like to do this often, but I'm gonna just let you bust this belief right away. There are a lot of people out there that can do it way better than you. Okay. Tell me why you laugh,

[00:05:30 ] Terry: [00:05:30 ] because I know that's true.

[00:05:32 ] So then my next limiting belief that pops up is like, how do I find them?

[00:05:37 ] dane: [00:05:37 ] Right? So this is good. Let's just jump to the fear that asks that question. Okay. Are you able to connect with it being fear that asks that question?

[00:05:47 ] Terry: [00:05:47 ] I think

[00:05:48 ] dane: [00:05:48 ] yes. Tell me why.

[00:05:50 ] Terry: [00:05:50 ] Because immediately when you said that the fear that pops into my mind is I'm not good enough.

[00:05:54 ] Like I'm going to be exposed. Like somebody is going to figure it out that I'm not good enough, and then they'll leave.

[00:06:00 ] [00:06:00 ] dane: [00:06:00 ] Thank you for being so open with me. I struggle with the same issue.

[00:06:03 ] Terry: [00:06:03 ] Yeah. I feel like abandonment is a big issue,

[00:06:06 ] dane: [00:06:06 ] so if I struggle with the same issue and I'm still able to start businesses, why do you think that is?

[00:06:13 ] Terry: [00:06:13 ] I would say that you've probably found a way to overcome it. By proving to yourself that you can do it, or actually, I'm not sure.

[00:06:22 ] dane: [00:06:22 ] Take a moment and really just reflect on this.

[00:06:25 ] Terry: [00:06:25 ] Yeah, I'm not sure.

[00:06:26 ] dane: [00:06:26 ] Lady Gaga, have you heard of that artist sold out Madison square garden before she goes on to sing. She looks at herself in the mirror and says, I still feel like the ugly bullied, not enough kid from school.

[00:06:41 ] Looks at herself in the mirror, says that out loud in front of everyone and walks out and crushes an amazing show. You and lady Gaga both struggle with the same thing. What do you think the differences?

[00:06:52 ] Terry: [00:06:52 ] I guess she's willing to admit it and do it anyway.

[00:06:58 ] dane: [00:06:58 ] That's tons of pretty good. I think there's probably a handful of correct answers.

[00:07:02 ] But the fact that your brain is making connections to make them right now is much more significant than a fight just assumed to tell you we're giving your brain a workout. So it's so fun because you know, and you're like, but how do I find them? Like you have this normal voice you talking, and then when your fear voice talks, it's like, but how do I bet up?

[00:07:21 ] It has this whole identity and character to it. And the reason I don't answer it is because that same identity character is going to be like, well, then what about this? So that's why I stopped answering your questions. Okay, so let's leave this on the table for what makes the difference. We'll come back to it and it's such a pleasure to get to help you, by the way,

[00:07:42 ] Terry: [00:07:42 ] and I am so appreciative of you being able to help me.

[00:07:45 ] And you know, another intention that I have for this call is able to provide value to other people who might have the opportunity to listen to it, have the same fears and freak outs so that they might be helped as well.

[00:08:00 ] [00:07:59 ] dane: [00:07:59 ] I'll get that. Oh, that's really beautiful to hear. I think that that is definitely going to be the case.

[00:08:05 ] This is very exciting. So now let's go back to, but where do I find them? This person that's better than you. Okay. And you said, well, where do I find them? Do you remember? Yes. So let's have you rest in love instead of fear for just a moment. And this can be challenging because fear is kind of a default for you.

[00:08:23 ] It's a very comfortable place. And what feels right. Is not right. Like I'm training very lightly with like yoga and jujitsu and I'm doing that because of past bullying stuff. And I've got my fight or flight triggered off in, and I just kinda like to relax so. I want to know that I can defend myself. So it's very scary.

[00:08:52 ] And he sits there and we're doing yoga, and I say, what happens if I have a feeling come up? Should I like just buckle into it and feel it real quick and then get back into the posture? He's saying, don't let your feelings come, but stay in the posture. Is that, does that make sense? Like that doesn't make any sense.

[00:09:05 ] Is it, you know, Dean, your first response is not always the right response. And I said, what do you mean? And he said, well, watch this. I'm sitting on my butt and he pushes me. He's like, watch when he pushes me and I fell straight on my back. If we were wrestling and jujitsu and I pushed you, your body naturally wants to fall straight on its back.

[00:09:22 ] You would get crushed. If you did that in jujitsu, your first response is not the right response. Instead of being pushed back and falling on your back, you would fall to your side, right? Your first response is not always the right response. So you've got these first responses that you're kind of somehow implicitly trust, like, Oh, well what about this?

[00:09:40 ] And what about that? Because that's what your first response is. So we want to take a breath, and this is difficult, and sometimes it's not. It's fine. I find it to be difficult. We're take a breath, we're going to create a new response