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Summary

In this episode, I had the honor of sitting down with author, actress, and speaker Dame Clarissa Burt to explore a question that’s been on my mind: What is the pipeline between self-esteem, self-care, and self-devotion?

This conversation hit close to home for me because I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what would happen if women pulled all the devotion we put into our careers, children, homes, parents, and partners—and poured it into ourselves.

Clarissa’s journey from a Philadelphia row home to international modeling runways revealed something profound: even the world’s most beautiful women struggle with the same lack of self-esteem.

Her bestselling book, The Self-Esteem Regime, offers practical practices like mirror therapy, boundary-setting, and values clarification that I know will resonate with the Self Care Oasis community.​

Inside the Episode (Timestamps)

0:00 Introduction & Guest Welcome

1:21 What If Women Devoted to Themselves?

3:29 Clarissa’s Background: From Philly to Europe

7:33 Writing The Self-Esteem Regime & “Pinch Me” Moments

10:52 Overcoming Low Self-Esteem: Family and Modeling Stories

16:47 Mirror Therapy and The Power of Self-Talk

21:41 Self-Esteem, Boundaries, and Soul Care

24:14 Toxic Relationships & Redefining Friendship

25:50 Emotional Intelligence and The Energy Scale

29:38 Growth, Forgiveness, and Reparenting Yourself

33:11 Navigating Transitions and the “Extra Mile”

34:01 Forgiving Yourself and Others

38:06 Takeaways, Advice, and Book Recap

41:54 Closing and Where to Learn More

Key Highlights & Takeaways

The Oxygen Mask Principle: This is something I preach constantly; self-care isn’t selfish, it’s essential. We absolutely must put our own oxygen masks on first before caring for others, and I loved how Clarissa reinforced that self-care needs to be a non-negotiable calendar item just like every other responsibility in our lives.

Mirror Therapy: I’ll be honest, I’ve done mirror work before and it was incredibly hard to start. But when I really got into it, it was life-changing because I could finally see my soul, not just my reflection. Clarissa shared how starting with just one minute a day and building to five minutes can create shifts within 21 days. One of her interns couldn’t even speak the first time she tried—that’s how powerful and challenging this work is.

Boundaries as Self-Care: This is so important, and I appreciate how Clarissa explained that boundaries don’t have to be violent or confrontational. You’re constantly teaching people how you want to be treated, and you can set boundaries with kindness and grace. When boundaries feel violent, it’s usually because the other person has shown they have no intention of building an authentic relationship with you.

The Value System Blueprint: I ask my clients this all the time: What are your values? Most people haven’t clearly defined them, which is why this work is so essential. Your personal values—like honesty, integrity, gratitude, and honor—serve as your blueprint for how you show up in every area of life.

The Extra Mile Journey: Clarissa’s description of the self-development path resonated deeply with me—it’s the longest, coldest, darkest, and scariest mile you’ll walk, and you’ll walk it alone. But the light at the end gets bigger, brighter, and more beautiful with every step.

Forgiveness is Power: This is something I’ve learned through my own healing journey. Forgiving yourself and others isn’t weakness—it’s one of the most powerful acts of self-care. This includes forgiving yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know and for believing negative messages about yourself.

The Comparison Trap: Never compare yourself to others because you haven’t walked in their shoes. As Clarissa said, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side—it might be AstroTurf, or it’s simply greener where you water it.

Discovering Your True Self: Before any personal development work can truly transform you, you need to understand who you are at your core—beyond the labels, projections, and conditioning. I’m a personal development queen myself, but the “Who am I really?” question is where the real magic happens.

Explore Deeper

Ready to transform your self-esteem and reclaim your self-devotion?

📚 Get the book: The Self-Esteem Regime by Dame Clarissa Burt is available at Barnes & Noble nationwide, Amazon, Kindle, and Audible. I’ve been reading it myself and it’s powerful work.

🌟 Connect with Clarissa: Follow Dame Clarissa Burt on all social media platforms and visit ClarissaBurt.com for more resources.

💎 Join me at the Self Care Oasis: If this conversation resonated with you, subscribe to my newsletter and podcast for more transformative conversations helping women move from burnout to bliss.

🛍️ Shop the Bliss Boutique: I’ve curated self-care programs specifically for women like us, including the Sleep Alchemy System, Toxic Relationship Recovery Self-Care System, Energy Capacity Expansion System, and the Burnout to Bliss Blueprint—all available on my Substack.

💬 Share the love: Forward this episode to a woman in your life who needs to hear this message. We all deserve to prioritize our self-care and build unshakeable self-esteem.

Remember: What if you pulled all the devotion you put into your career, children, home, parents, and partners—and poured it into yourself? That’s the transformation I’m inviting you into.

I’m Samantha Gregory, your Self Care Alchemist, helping women transform burnout into better boundaries, more balance, and shameless bliss through radical self-care and self-devotion. You deserve to have the day you want. Take care.

Get full access to Self Care Oasis at blyss.substack.com/subscribe