Happy Life

Marriage Benefits-We Don’t Just Date For Fun [Show Opens] Myrtle Alegado: Do you remember when you began to seriously consider getting married? On today’s episode, we’ll talk to newlyweds who will share the progression in their relationship, from meeting, to courtship, and finally to marriage. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life Myrtle: Today, I’d like to welcome our newlyweds from Yorba Linda, California to the podcast. Thanks so much for joining us on Happy Life, Aedelbert and Darlene! Darlene Alejandro: Thank you for having us, Myrtle. Aedelbert Alejandro: Hello! Thank you for having us. Myrtle: How are you both doing today? Darlene: We’re good. Aedelbert: Doing good. Myrtle: Well, as I understand it, you got married in January of this year, right? Aedelbert: Correct. Darlene: Yes. Myrtle: Oh, well,congratulations to you both! Now, how did you both meet? Aedelbert: So I moved to the Bay Area to finish college at San Francisco State University, and Darlene actually came up to me at one of our church events. It was a coastal cleanup. And, you know, I was hanging out with my guy friends, and Darlene came out of nowhere and just introduced herself to me. Darlene: Yeah. [laughs] Myrtle: Is that how you remember it, Darlene? Give us your take. Darlene: Yeah, he was new to Daly City local congregation. And it was about a month before I met him that he was already living in Daly City. And normally when someone new or a new member [of the Church Of Christ] comes into Daly City, I usually meet them just to welcome them. I didn’t meet him yet, so when I saw him at the coastal cleanup, yeah, I just went up to him and I was like, “Hi, I’m Darlene. I haven’t met you yet, but welcome to Daly City.” Myrtle: Aww. Well, that’s cute, Darlene! Darlene: Yes, so I went up to him at the coastal cleanup. And then maybe a couple days after that, one of our mutual friends on Instagram posted a picture of their friend group, and that person tagged him. Since I met him, I figured, “Okay, I can follow him now.” And then fast forward a couple more days, he posted this story about working out and he asked, “Who wants to be my workout buddy?” Mind you, I did not work out at that time but something inside me was like, “I’m going to respond and I’m going to say I’m going to be his workout buddy.” And that’s where we started talking or messaging with each other. Aedelbert: Yeah, so after Darlene replied to my story and she said, you know, “I’ll be your workout buddy,” we actually planned to hang out one day. And you know, one thing led to another, we started texting more, and started hanging out more. That led to me falling for Darlene, and I started courting her, and then I proposed to her [in] June of 2021. Myrtle: So, Aedel, you used the term courting, and I’d like to touch on that a little bit. In the Church Of Christ, we don’t use the term dating per se, because that implies that you’re just seeing someone in a kind of casual, romantic relationship. With courtship, we do so in a Christian manner, according to God’s teachings. So, now you’re both in your late 20s, and you’ve been married for a few months. What do you think about those individuals who date just for the sake of dating or date just for fun? Aedelbert: I think individuals who date just for the sake of dating or just for fun, at least from my personal point of view, I think they’re doing it just because you know, they’re bored or they’re trying to maintain this social presence online. They just want to be in this relationship so they can look cool to other people, or just simply not to seem that they’re alone, I guess. Darlene: Yeah, I agree with Aedel to an extent. I mostly think that people nowadays date for fun because [of] peer pressure. I guess the times that a person could start dating is typically, like, when you’re a young adult. Maybe you’re a teenager and you start developing, and you want to understand more, like, these feelings that may come up with another individual in your life. And since you’re just discovering these feelings, you don’t really know what to think about them. But they’re strong enough that it moves you to do something about that, which is dating. Your heart, it’s like it’s telling you one thing, but then your brain is saying another thing, and it’s hard to differentiate the two. And that’s why I think some people want to experiment, and they date around to see who is the best option for them. Myrtle: And what are your opinions on this mentality? Darlene: Dating just involves a lot of feelings in general and, personally, I feel like it involves more negative feelings than positive. To hear about the concept of dating, and dating multiple people, or dating around, someone is bound to get hurt at some point. I think it’s just inevitable. Aedelbert: I just disagree with ‘dating for fun’ or that mentality of dating for fun. Because, honestly, what’s the point of dating when the whole reason is eventually you’re trying to get married, which goes back to courting someone in a Christian manner. At least when we’re courting someone we try and find, like, their Christian values, what they believe in, seeing how one person’s beliefs aligns with yours. For me at least, I was always taught that growing up. And if you’re going to date someone, you’re really trying to figure out why you want to spend the rest of your life with that specific person. Myrtle: Just curious, you know, you mentioned that you want[ed] to find somebody whose values kind of align with yours. Do you think that people don’t look for that these days, that the youth don’t think about that? Darlene: Personally, I feel like nowadays, to find someone with the same values as you, or the same faith as you, I feel like it’s not at the top of a person’s priority. Most people just think of personality traits right off the bat. Like, they have to be funny, or they have to be a certain height, or they have to, I don’t know, have brown eyes, brown hair. Stuff like that. Aedelbert: I think people trying to find if their values align or not is lost, because people are in it for, like, a social standing type thing. So they do it for a specific reason, that they’re trying to attain this specific thing, and they know that this person can help them get it. Myrtle: But you know, at what age or point in life do you think people should start seriously searching for a ‘forever’ relationship? Darlene: Honestly, I can’t really put a number on it, because I didn’t think I would get married at this age. I’m 27 right now, I didn’t think I’d get married at this age. But I think they should hit certain goals in their life first. Like, for example, I think someone should be established in a career, or at least confident in the path that they’re taking in their life. I definitely think they should also be confident just on their own. To have a partner, like a forever relationship, they are just like an added blessing. Aedelbert: There’s no set age that someone should start looking for their ‘forever’ relationship, because everyone has their own path in life. Everyone accomplishes a certain, you know, achievement in life at different ages. First of all, someone should be established in their career, just so that it doesn’t put that financial burden when, you know, it’s time to get married. Like you should be confident that you could be okay with yourself, who you are as a person, and then finding someone else to share those blessings with you in your life, then that’s the perfect time to move forward and look for that relationship. Myrtle: And I just want to add that, of course, you should also have the blessings of your parents to go forward with a ‘forever’ relationship and, you know, that next step in life, or next step in the relationship, engagement and then marriage. So, you know, these days it’s common practice for boyfriend and girlfriend to just move in together and not get married at all. We, as members of the Church Of Christ, do not follow this practice, and later we’ll hear what the Bible has to say about this, of course. But I’m curious about how you two feel about this. Aedelbert: I don’t think it’s right for this type of practice. Honestly, because I think it gives people an option or like a way out. But if you’re married, of course, you got married before God and then we learned that it’s till death do you part. So you’re always going to have to figure out how to work things out. And I think at the end of the day, when you’re going through all these things on a daily basis, of course, you’re going to work through things, and try and figure out where things could be improved on, and you’ll always get through it. And when you’re married, there’s no trial and error compared to those who just live together without the benefit of marriage. Darlene: Yeah, I agree with Aedel. There’s just no obligation to stay and, like, work things out. How do you know that they’re going to stick around for the rest of your life? Like, how do you know that things are going to work out? Compared to when you’re married, there’s that official stamp that you’re both in this for life. Myrtle: And in your opinion, what are the positive aspects like, you know, financial or emotional to get[ting] married? Darlene: One positive aspect to getting married, well, there’s financial benefits because obviously there’s an extra income, but it also teaches you a lot about just how to handle your money. Budgeting and saving is very essential when you’re married. I’ve been telling some of my friends, like, you really don’t know how expensive it

Supporting Each Other in a Health Crisis [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: A health or medical crisis can have a significant impact on any marriage, but perhaps even more-so for newlyweds. You’re still finding your footing early on in your marriage, so how do you ensure you support each other enough to help each other get through this ordeal? We’ll find out about Joel and Richelle’s experience in today’s episode. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: Because the topic of discussion today is an extremely sensitive one, and I know it may be difficult to talk about, I am so appreciative of Richelle and Joel, from London, who are here to chat with me today. Welcome to the Happy Life podcast, Joel and Richelle. Joel Dela Cruz: Hello. Richelle Dela Cruz: Hi. Hi, Myrtle. How are you? Myrtle: I’m good. How are things over there, over the pond? Joel: We’re good. Thank you very much. Thank you for having us. Myrtle: So you two have been married for how long now? Joel: Coming up to three years in September. Myrtle: Oh, wow! Congratulations. So, now tell me about finding out that you were expecting your baby boy, Noah. Joel: So, we weren’t really planning. We just left it up to God and if He blessed us with a child, He blessed us. So, we weren’t really actively trying to have a baby or conceive at the time. Richelle: Yeah, so you can say that we were surprised when we found out. Actually I was the first one who found out. I realized it because that day, it was during the pandemic, and I was working from home and I don’t usually eat junk food. But I realized I finished, like, a bag of crisps, or chips for America. I finished a whole bag and then I looked at it and I was like, “What’s happening?” And then I messaged him, I was like, “Can you actually buy a test?” and when he came home, I tested and we actually filmed ourselves. And yeah, we were really surprised. We were really scared. It’s something that we didn’t expect, and we felt we weren’t ready for it at that time. Myrtle: But it was God’s perfect time, right? [laughs] Joel and Richelle: Yes. Myrtle: And what was your pregnancy like? Richelle: So my pregnancy went very well, if I can say that. Every stage of my pregnancy, from the moment that we found out that we were pregnant, to finding out the gender, up to the due date, we tried everything that we could to prepare ourselves. So, not just physically for me, mentally, and even more so spiritually. We held our devotional prayers, and I did some exercises as much as I could, tried to eat healthily. Myrtle: So up until the delivery, was everything pretty normal with your pregnancy? Joel: Yeah, as she mentioned, everything was normal. The way Richelle planned to have a natural birth, water birth to be specific. Richelle: Here in the U.K., we have a good kind of support system as well, with a midwife. So every time I would go for my appointment, they checked everything and also we talked about my birth plan. They knew what we wanted to do, if in case something would happen, and they were informed of what we wanted to opt for if something like that would happen. Myrtle: So at this point, this is where the story does take a turn. I know that you did not have your ideal water birth. Can you tell us what happened during the delivery? Joel: It started early morning, because around 1am or so where she actually was able to start pushing. So, past the contractions, and actually being admitted, and being able to go into the water and start pushing. At that time, she was trying for a good few hours. It was only when there was a switch between the midwives, where the next midwife decided to check and see if it was okay. So they got out of the water, and that’s when they discovered that her water didn’t actually break just yet. And then when they broke it there was a lot of meconium, which is basically the baby’s poop, that he inhaled. And that’s when they decided to rush her to the birthing center. Richelle: At this point, I think I was in labor for more than 24 hours, right? Joel: Something like that. Richelle: Or 26 hours. So it’s like the next day already, and at the last minute when they found that there was meconium, you know, I was kind of heightened in terms of the labor stage. So I just remember being carried, they put me on a wheelchair, and they transferred me. So I was in the birth center. So from the birth center, they transferred me to the labor ward, and that’s where all the doctors and all the medical facilities are, and I just remember being rushed. I laid on the bed. Within a minute, I have all of these like wires attached to me and then, you know, they were asking me to push already. And there [were] maybe five people around and they were kind of in panic. Joel: Yeah, no, I think there was a slight delay from when they got her in, because it was early morning and it was during that switch of nurses and midwives and doctors. And I think at that moment, every minute counts or every kind of second counted at that point, especially because they didn’t know how distressed the baby was. As soon as she had her next contractions they asked her to push and go for it, or else if she didn’t do it after I think one or two tries, they were going to go straight to C-section. But because the baby was quite far down already, that even would be quite risky. Richelle: Yeah, I just remember being in so much pain. At that time I was already fully dilated and I didn’t have any painkillers at all. I think I just had [laughing] gas, but they asked me to stop with it because I was already inhaling too much. So if you could imagine, I had to quickly give birth to Noah to try to save his life. And at the same time I remember thinking to myself, I just want this to be over with. It was just the most painful thing for me. And I remember when Noah came out, I only held him for a second, right? They had to quickly take him away from me. Joel: Yeah, so as soon as he came out, they literally put him [in] Chelle’s arms. They asked me to cut the cord straightaway, but then they realized. Then they took the baby straightaway, put off to the side, wiped off all the meconium that was on the baby, and then they began to suction out his windpipes for all the meconium, and then start doing basically the revival process, which we didn’t know at the time. But that’s what they were doing, rushing around. There’s more equipment coming in, there [were] the ICU trays coming in on wheels, and things like that. Myrtle: So you weren’t fully aware of how much in distress he was at that time I guess. But can you try to explain what Noah’s complications were at birth? Joel: So at birth, they originally just thought it was meconium aspiration, but when they got him into the ICU did a few more tests. Because it’s such a trial and error thing at that age, you can’t ask the baby what’s wrong, they have to try everything to see which one his body [will] react to. So they tried different drugs. They started doing everything they can. They had cannulas in every single part of his body that they could get into, both arms, legs, bellybutton, feet. Literally anywhere they could put up a cannula in they did. I think their main concern was that his blood pressure was constantly dropping in and out, his heart rate was dropping. They deemed him to have multiple organ dysfunction, mainly the lungs and the heart. They didn’t know what to do really at that point. They had a lot of concerns. They were calling different consultants in. They even started to speak to Great Ormond Street Hospital, which is a specialist child hospital in the U.K., one of the top hospitals, for advice on what to do too. Richelle: To list what the doctors had advised us, his complications were: meconium aspiration syndrome, liver failure, thrombosis of vessels, metabolic acidosis, metabolic disorder, suspected sepsis and acute kidney injury. Myrtle: I mean, that’s a pretty long list, so it must have been shocking to hear all of that. And then how did he react with all the medications and drugs that they were giving him? Joel: When they began with the various drugs, he got to a point at Chelsea hospital where he was at literally [the] maximum care that they could give him. There’s nothing more they can do to try and save Noah. Great Ormond Street suggested that they have a procedure called ECMO [extracorporeal membrane oxygenation]. The way they described it to me is that it’s similar to a heart lung bypass where they would take out the blood from Noah and they would re-oxidize it and pump it back into the body. So it takes on the function of the heart and lungs, but it’s not a permanent solution. It’s to allow the heart and lungs to recover from everything that’s happened and heal. Myrtle: So he was on that machine and then I’m sure for such a young, small, baby that must have been kind of risky as well. Richelle: Yes, it was very risky. Actually the doctor in Great Ormond Street, he told us that was his only chance of surviving basically. So they’ve tried giving him all the drugs, the medicines, that they could but he wasn’t reacting to it very well. And the last chance that we had was to put him on ECMO. So he was only two days old at that time. He was a small, newborn baby. So it does come with a lot of risks. The doctor sat us down, I remember that time, and he basically listed to us all the things that could go wrong. And one of them was that, because he is quite unstable and his heart was failing, his liver was failing, he had a high chance of getting a stroke or even bleeding. Because again, they

Young Newlywed Entrepreneurs [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: They say that compared to older generations, young people can be very optimistic. They’re full of energy and often come up with fresh ideas because they aren’t always set in their ways. What does this have to do with today’s topic? Stay tuned and find out. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: The willingness of the youth to try new things, coupled with their ability to quickly adapt to new technologies, make them natural leaders in the ever-developing small business climate. Our newlywed couple today are really quite young, but they’re also aspiring entrepreneurs. Let’s welcome Kegan and Ailafaye to Happy Life. Hello, you two. Kegan and Ailafaye Baker: Hello! Myrtle: Both of you are still quite young. What made you decide that this is the right time to get married, and would you mind telling us how old you both are? Kegan Baker: We’re both 21 and we started dating when we were 18. Her parents were very strict. They had a lot of rules. We wanted to gain their trust. We had to be home at a certain time, very early in the night, like eight o’clock. We would rush home at like 6:30. We were like, “Oh we gotta get home. We don’t want to get her parents to be mad at us. And we wanted to avoid temptations and to be careful. We saw, like, a lot of people our age going out and doing things that weren’t necessarily appropriate for Church Of Christ members, especially like later on in the night they’d go clubbing and things like that, or they’d go travel together and they’re not married. And we wanted to avoid that as much as possible, because we are members of the Church [Of Christ]. We want God’s blessing in everything that we do. We wanted to also go and travel the world together, to embark on a new journey, and get to know each other better. So, that’s why we decided to get married so early on, and we wanted to just start our lives together. Ailafaye Baker: Aside from my parents, we had a lot of help from the brethren within the Church. One of the brethren was Brother Ricky Bravo, who’s a minister in the Church Of Christ, and his wife, Sister May Bravo. So we would go over there for dinner, and they are a couple that we really really trust because, truthfully, they remind us a lot about ourselves. They shared stories with us that they’re actually the opposite of us. Sister May and Brother Ricky Bravo, they got married later on in life, and she actually shared with me that they got criticized for being a lot older. They always had their home open for us whenever we needed any type of guidance. That’s why we developed a good relationship with them. Since he’s a minister in the Church, we would always be comfortable enough to ask him questions and advice. He would share [with] us the words of Almighty God and counsel us when we had problems. Myrtle: So did you find that people questioned your decision to get married so young? Ailafaye: A lot of people actually did question our decision to get married young. A lot of people would ask us why. “Why would you get married so young?” “There’s a lot to live for.” “There’s a lot out there to do.” “You’re still in college,” or “That person is holding you back.” But I think the easiest way to put it is that you love this person, and you trust this person, and you build a relationship with them. A lot of people assumed I was pregnant, and that was the main reason why we would be getting married. And it hurt my emotions a lot, because I had to have this negative reason to be marrying him. Sometimes, because I’m a human, it would get to me. When you hear the words of other people you start to question yourself, but only you know the truth. We know what’s true. And we trusted in God to get rid of those rumors actually. My mom, I came to her for guidance. I asked her, “Mom, there’s a lot of people saying these things about me.” And she told me to be more prayerful, and to ignore them, and that God knows what’s true. “Anywhere you go,” she always told me this, she said, “even if I’m not watching you, God is always watching you.” We didn’t let what others said hurt us. We just became more prayerful. It actually strengthened our faith [in] God. We just took all the negative and basically wanted to show everyone that through faith anything is possible. Myrtle: And, Kegan, Ailafaye said that you two knew the truth and, you know, of course God knows the truth. How important was it to have your family’s support as well? Kegan: It was very important, but it was really harder for me because I had just become, you know, newly [baptized] in the Church, and they had just met her. They didn’t really believe in the same things we believe. But praise be to God that my mom and my stepdad are now in the Church. Myrtle: Aww! Kegan: Yeah. Myrtle: Congrats! That’s awesome. Kegan: It was really, really important that I had her parents’ blessing, which is why I bought a house so early on in my life is I saved every penny I made working, because I didn’t want to marry her and not have anything for her. I didn’t want to live on the streets with her being married, you know? Myrtle: You said that it was important for you to have her family’s support. So, you know, how did you get them, I guess, to come around to the idea of you two getting married so young? Kegan: A lot of prayer, a lot of going to devotional prayers, talking with them, them getting to know me more. Our families really championed us because they wanted the best for us. Even though we were young they were like, “You guys have a bright future. We want to see you do the things that you want in this life, just as long as they are in accordance with God’s will. Myrtle: That’s great advice. And you know, with marriage, there are a lot of adjustments and challenges and that might be extra difficult for a couple so young. So I was wondering, what inspired you to start your own business at this stage in your life? Kegan: I have always had a passion for food. I love cooking. I started cooking when I was 14 in restaurants. That was my first cooking job ever. I’ve always been very ambitious. In culinary, I’ve watched, nonstop studied, practiced all the time. I’d buy, like, bags of potatoes and just practice knife cuts. But my wife is the main reason I started this business. She always believed in what I can do. She always showed that she really cared about my passions and stuff. My mom, she started a Hawaiian shave ice truck, and she told me how hard it was to start. And she kind of helped guide me. I’m Hawaiian and Filipino. I’ve always loved just cooking. So my goal is to showcase my talents and my family’s culture. Growing up, I didn’t learn about my cultures that much, because we lived separated from my grandparents on both sides. Myrtle: So what do you love about, you know, the Hawaiian culture and cuisine? Kegan: I love just the different flavors and how they’re so different. Filipino food is like more, you know, vinegar, black pepper and all that stuff. And then Hawaiian food is a little more sweet and then when you have them together, it’s just so good. I want to bring my family’s culture and my food to the people of Orlando, because there’s not that many easily accessible foods, for people who are from the Philippines or from Hawaii, here. They’re always like, “Oh, there’s never any good places around here.” They’re all mixed or not authentic and it’s hard for them. I want to support the needs of my family, my wife, and then I want to also be able to give back to the Church. Myrtle: So you said you started pretty much cooking when you were 14. You know, how else did you kind of add to your culinary skills and how did you continue to learn? Kegan: I did a lot of reading, a lot of watching people. And then, since I was in restaurants a lot of chefs helped me to develop my skills, as well as my own mom, and my wife’s family as well. They were kind of the harshest critics, but they always did it with love and helped me to become the best chef version of myself. Myrtle: What do you love about that, Ailafaye, that he’s such a good chef? Ailafaye: I think the best thing about that is that, like he said, my family is the greatest critic. So, a lot of that comes from how strict they are. So,when it comes to food, we’re from Pampanga, which is the food capital of the Philippines. So, my dad takes a lot of pride in his cooking, because that’s how my grandmother took care of them when they were younger. So, when they would criticize him about even, like, how he chops the food, or how the flavor of the food is, it has to be spot on. And he was surprised, because of how critical my family is, that he started to develop in a way that, like, I thought he would be offended. But instead he grew to challenge himself, and he got over every obstacle. Sometimes my dad would be so mean, that he would need to take a moment, go to the room and pray, and then come back and try again. So, him being able to take criticism, and basically taking it as a way to better himself in his cooking, was what makes him a best chef for me. Myrtle: Oh, well good on you, Kegan. You’re growing a tough skin at a young age, you know, and I think that’s really needed in any kind of industry where you’re really trying to go after your dreams. People are going to criticize you, people are going to pretty much try to pull you down, but you’ve just gotta keep going. Right? I mean, you’ve got the support of your family, and your wife, and you’ve got God. So, just keep praying about it. So, how did you prepare yourselves to become

Cross Border Love During a Pandemic [Show Opens] Myrtle Alegado: With today’s technology the world doesn’t seem so large, and we can easily connect with friends and family. It has even made it easier to find a romantic love interest across borders, or even across the world, and stay in a long-distance relationship. We’ll discuss more about this in our episode today. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: Our newlyweds, for this Happy Life episode, are a long-distance, cross border, transnational love story success! Zachary is originally from Toronto, Canada, and Isabelle is from the Bay Area of Northern California. Thanks for agreeing to chat with us today on Happy Life, Zach and Isabelle. Zachary Sese: Hello, Myrtle. Hello, everyone. Thank you. Isabelle Sese: Hi, Myrtle. Thank you for having us. Myrtle: So how was your day today? Zachary: Not bad. We’re here traveling towards an area in Wyoming, a long drive. Isabelle: Yeah, it was a long drive. This is our seventh state in the past seven days. Zachary: We’ve traveled seven states in seven days, yeah. Myrtle: Wow! Well, we appreciate that you’re joining us today, despite your traveling, and despite all the distance that you’ve logged on your car probably. So we’ve had a lot of previous Happy Life guests who were also in long-distance relationships before marriage, but we haven’t really discussed, in depth, the challenges of being in one. Why don’t you two share how you met, and how you got engaged, and of course eventually married. Zachary: Before we were married, we were actually both District KADIWA presidents. It’s an organization in the Church Of Christ for the youth that’s aged 18 and up who aren’t married. In 2018, we had a KadCon. This is a conference for those members within that organization. I was actually District KADIWA vice president at the time. Part of this activity is that we recorded something with KADIWA officers all across North America, and these videos would be shown to every local [congregation] across the world. Through these videos, that’s where I actually noticed Isabelle in one of the videos. I guess she definitely caught my eye. I started to like her from those videos. So, I guess you could say I was a fan of her, but I mentioned to a friend of mine that I thought she was cute, she was pretty. And it turned out that Isabelle had actually visited Toronto recently to attend a wedding, and the friend that I mentioned to had actually met Isabelle. So yes, it was actually interesting. We actually had mutual friends already. Myrtle: That’s so cool. Isabelle: Yeah, so two months after that KadCon, late 2018 so probably late December and even early January 2019, the friend that Zach told that I was cute, shout out to Chryselle, she actually messaged me. She said that she had friends who were visiting the Bay Area for vacation. So she asked if I could meet up with them and tour them around. Then she eventually gave me Zach’s contact information. So when I did reach out to Zach, I asked him for his itinerary, when they were planning to be visiting. But when I found out the dates he was visiting the Bay Area, it just so happened that I was going to be in the Philippines, so we didn’t actually get to meet in person. But we did start messaging on Telegram starting from then. Zachary: Based on that, when we started messaging, I personally thought that she had no idea I was interested in her. I thought I was playing my cards right. Myrtle: Playing it cool? Zachary: Yeah [laughs], but we just kept talking and sending video messages to each other. And it was when she got back to California, after her trip, we started to video chat with one another, and then in January or February 2019 I finally told her that I liked her. And then from there, she mentioned, “Hey, you know, you’ve got to ask my parents.” So in April 2019, so just a few months after, when I was able to get enough vacation days, I flew to California and asked her parents if I could officially court her. And then, thankfully, we got engaged two years later in June of 2021. Actually, I wanted it to be sooner. I wanted to propose, actually, the year before that. But because of COVID-19, the restrictions were really tough. So, I was just waiting for that one opportunity to just be able to fly.And then we ended up getting married in January 2022. Myrtle: Yeah, that darn COVID. Isabelle: Oh, yeah. Myrtle: You know, if anything, it kind of taught us patience a little bit didn’t it? Zachary: Yeah. [laughs] Isabelle: It definitely did. Myrtle: Well, that was kind of a whirlwind, you know, relationship from 2019 to getting married in 2021. What were the biggest challenges in having a cross-border long-distance relationship or, you know, what people call LDR? Zachary: See, what’s actually funny is that before I met Isabelle, I actually didn’t want to date anyone from the West Coast. I apologize to anyone from the West Coast. Just hear me out. [laughs] It’s just that it’s far from Toronto, and I always thought that there was a big challenge with the time zone. The three hours, it can get pretty, pretty difficult especially later at night. But when we did get to see each other it was never long enough to visit, and the limited vacation days and other responsibilities, it made it really hard for us to be able to have a lot of time to really spend with one another. Isabelle: So for my side, very opposite side of the spectrum compared to Zach. I’ve actually been in long-distance relationships, and I actually preferred it because I had a little bit more of independence. But when Zach and I were in an LDR, I thought it was way more difficult because I knew he was the one, and I wanted to be with him already, especially in person. So, I guess the biggest challenge was to be patient while waiting to see each other in person. With the three hour time zone difference, it was definitely difficult to schedule quality time, because whenever I was sleeping, like early in the morning, he was already getting ready for work. And then whenever he was getting ready to sleep, I was just getting out of work. So, that was pretty difficult for us to coordinate, especially with our busy lives, but we found a way. He would usually just stay up till 2am and wait for me. So that’s how we were able to find our quality time. Zachary: Actually to interject with that, it’s funny because the years that we were dating, because I really pushed myself to stay up for her to adjust to the time zone, I  think all these years I’ve always been on the west coast time zone. Myrtle: [laughs] You started training yourself early, I guess. Well you know, I completely understand, because when my husband and I were dating, way before video chats were even available by the way, he lived in Hawaii and I was in Toronto. So, our time difference was six hours. Isabelle: Oh, wow! Zachary: Oh, man! Myrtle: Yeah but you know, we made it work too. So, that’s one thing you take away from long-distance relationships, right? You put in a little bit more work, but it’s worthwhile. So is there anything you enjoyed about having a cross-border, long-distance, relationship? Isabelle: For me, I really liked being able to focus on my life. In relationships, when both people are from the same area, you tend to see that they devote a lot of time to each other, which is not a bad thing. But from my personal experience, I felt like I always put myself on the back burner and focused on the relationship only or more. So, being in a long-distance relationship, that really allowed me to find that balance. So, I got to spend more time with my parents, I focused on my career, my responsibilities with Church, and even my self-care time, and I got to spend time with Zach because we really had to schedule everything. Zachary: We talk about it a lot that we both really enjoyed the space. I personally felt like I had the appropriate amount of space, and even though we were apart, it [was] almost as if we had the space, but we were still together because we would video call a lot with each other. So, I could do my activities, she could do her activities. I could perform my duties, she could perform her duties, and we could do whatever we needed to do. It was enough for us, because we were still in each other’s lives. But because we were so far from each other, we were very understanding that we both had our individual lives, our responsibilities, and priorities. And we never really had any arguments about the lack of attention or not having enough time for each other. So, the physical distance made us more understanding of the fact that we had other things to attend to. Myrtle: Yeah, and then when you do, you know, have your time together it’s almost like you cherish it a little bit more, right? Zachary: It definitely means more. We definitely valued every time when we were physically together. It really felt much more. Myrtle: See, only LDR people know this, right? [laughs] Zachary and Isabelle: [laugh] Myrtle: Now aside from your video chatting, and your video calls, how else did you stay in touch and communicate with one another? Zachary: Well, what’s interesting is that the way we actually met, per se, was through messaging. So, we were always used to communicating with one another that way. It started from text messaging, and then it evolved to sending video messages, and then eventually to video calls. So a good chunk of time, when we never hung out, was on video calls and we understood that was the nature of our relationship, and we were very understanding and su

Age Gaps In Marriage [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: When you hear that someone you know is dating an older person, perhaps several years older. What goes through your mind? Do you form an opinion either way about their relationship because of a potential generational gap. Let’s see how the discussion unfolds today with our newlyweds with an age gap. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INCMedia Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle Alegado: As mentioned earlier, our newlywed couple today has an age gap that might even be considered a generational gap as well. Jasmine and Mac are from Winnipeg, Canada. Hi, you two, and welcome to Happy Life. Jasmine Balacano: Hi! Mac Balacano: Hi there. Myrtle Alegado: How’s Winnipeg life at the moment? Jasmine Balacano: Pretty muddy, rainy. Not bad. [laughs] Myrtle Alegado: It’s rainy here too, but, you know, such is the case with our west coast city. So when did you both get married, and how have you been enjoying married life since then? Jasmine Balacano: We got married last year, May 2021, during the pandemic. We had a pretty serious lockdown at the time, and it was very stressful. We had to change the wedding date about three or four times. Myrtle Alegado: Oh, wow. Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, and we were only allowed to have 10 people at the wedding. So, yup. [laughs] Mac Balacano: Yeah, and it’s  been a very busy year for us. I can’t even believe it’s been one year. I often joke with people that I feel like in 2021 I got a new life. We got married, [and] I ended up getting a new job. So, working in a new industry, building a new team, new processes and things like that. So work’s been very busy. We also got a new dog, Loki, who is a puppy. He’s almost one now, but you know around that time when we first got him, he [was] obviously quite the handful. So life’s been very busy, but of course we’ve been enjoying every moment of it. Myrtle Alegado: I mean, all of that, plus a pandemic going on still. You know, I can imagine how, you know, hectic and intense the first year has been for you two. And I know other newlyweds can relate to how chaotic the first months can be. So I know you have an age gap, and I won’t mention exactly how many years. Let’s just say that Jasmine’s in her 20s and Mac’s in his 30s. What did you like about each other in the beginning, despite the age gap? Mac Balacano: You know for me, when I first met Jasmine, it was really just that our conversation clicked. You know, at that time, when even reflecting back on when I was talking to other people or getting to know people, you know, there’s always something kind of missing. And with Jasmine that was never the case. Our conversations just clicked, they flowed, they were very natural. We often talk about how we’re best friends, and we’re very fortunate to have that. But that’s definitely, you know, the biggest thing for me. Jasmine Balacano: For myself, I was honestly unaware of the age gap. Actually, I think both of us were. We just had no idea. But we met at church and my first impression of Mac was like, you know, “Wow, he’s so active. He’s doing KADIWA stuff, he’s a CWS (Children’s Worship Service) teacher, all kinds of things. And one thing that always stood out to me too was, not just that he was already very successful but, he was just always dressed to the nines, in a suit, lift up the bottom of his pants…boom, funky socks and shoes. I don’t know, it just got me. I just thought that was so funny. I was like, “Who is this guy?” And like he said, our conversations always just really clicked. We always had very witty banter and kind of like challenging each other. But overall, like, we always just kind of understood each other. When we were finally aware of the age gap, it never really felt like it was anything to be worried about, because we always just felt like we were on the same level anyway. Myrtle Alegado:  Well, it definitely helps if your conversations are effortless, and age doesn’t indicate any compatibility in my opinion, and what’s that saying? Age is just a number. So, you know, I’m sure that’s pretty much how you two thought about the situation when you first started talking to each other. And, Jasmine, you mentioned that Mac was active in the KADIWA. Let me just clarify that that’s the youth group in the Church Of Christ for those who are 18 and older who are unmarried. So now, you know, what [are] the things that you appreciate about each other’s personalities. Jasmine Balacano: For me, things I appreciate about Mac is he’s very ambitious, he’s very much a go-getter, and it’s very inspiring. You know, when I first met him, he had so much going on, like, even outside of church activities. He was volunteering at all kinds of different organizations, apart from his own work. He wakes up every morning, and he’s just so optimistic. And you know, he’s the guy that would show up all the time. Like, you ask him to be there, he’s there. You ask him to do this, he’s doing it. He always keeps his word, and that was something that was very important to me, because he’s just very loyal and trustworthy. One of the other bigger things is he is such a critical thinker. I never used to be a critical thinker. I’d say because I am much younger my perspective is not as broad, right? So he would always kind of challenge me and push me out of my normal frame of thinking, and he always plays up the opposing opinion whenever we have discussions. It’s really refreshing to have someone not agree with me, because I love to be right all the time. I just love to prove my point and be right, but I can never win with Mac I find. I can never win. But he’s like the perfect balance for me. Myrtle Alegado: So he’s a sharp dresser, and he’s a stand up guy? Awww. [laughs] Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, pretty much. [laughs] Myrtle Alegado:  So, Mac, how about you? Mac Balacano: Yeah, no I mean, sorry. I’m blushing a little bit here. So as Jasmine kind of described, I think you can kind of read between the lines. You know, I definitely have an A-type personality. So, you know, she really helps me balance my personality out. She really forces me to be more patient, really take the time to, what’s that saying, “stop and smell the roses,” just to slow down a little bit which I really appreciate. Because I think that’s so important that we all, even though we’re busy, we take time to really reflect and just to appreciate all the smaller and more simple things in life. And so she really helps to do that for me. So I really, certainly, appreciate that. The other thing is she’s very creative and handy. That is the complete opposite of me. I’m a very logical, structured kind of person, so I have a really hard time with very abstract kind[s] of things. And I’m really not good with handy things around the house, as what we’ve learned. So she’s actually the one who’s really good at that. So that’s really helpful. Myrtle Alegado: And you’re going through a reno[vation] right now? Mac Balacano: Yeah. Jasmine Balacano: We are. Mac Balacano: Exactly, yeah. So she’s been instrumental in that for sure. And yeah, she’s really great to bounce ideas off of, and to talk things through. And again, just because we’re looking at things from different perspectives, you know, that’s very helpful. And I guess, you know, one of the other more lighthearted thing[s] is she really helps me find great gifts for other people. I mean, that’s part of her creativity, right. So I have a really hard time with that, so that’s fantastic. I know some of those are serious, some of those are a little bit more lighthearted, but at the end of the day, you know, I do believe that these are rare traits. The other really great thing about her, she’s very empathetic and sympathetic to people. She really helps me kind of be able to put myself in other people’s shoes, you know, whenever I’m trying to understand other folks, so that’s really wonderful. I feel very lucky, you know, that she has those to kind of help balance me out. And she’s really my better half. Myrtle Alegado:  And I think that’s so great. Honestly, I find that just like you two a lot of couples find that their spouse does complete them in a sense or, you know, helps them to feel more balanced, I guess. And obviously, spouses each have different personalities. So, you know, are there occasions when you do get irritated with one another? Is that the case with you two? Does that happen? Mac Balacano: [laughs] Yeah, no, definitely. I mean, I imagine that’s for every married couple. But, you know, for me, yeah, Jasmine can be all over the place. At times she can find it hard to focus. And so like a simple example of that, I think, is just as this past year we’re getting used to living together, you know, she’ll start one thing and she won’t finish it. She’ll switch to something else and then she won’t finish that. And then I’ll be like, “Hey, did you do this?” Oh, like, “I completely forgot,” right? Or, “Hey where’s this?” and it’s just somewhere you would completely not expect it to be. You know, she tends to get distracted very easily. Sometimes it feels like very often, but anyway. So, that’s something definitely, I’m challenged with at times. Jasmine Balacano: It’s really funny, because I think he takes everything too seriously. You know, I’m always like, “You need to just relax.” And he’s very, like, everything needs to be organized. He’s not to this extent, but it’s basically like, “I don’t want my peas touching this,” kind of keep the food separate on the plate is kind of how I could best describe him. Like, he likes tidy, but in no way am I a tidy think

Managing Time as a Married Couple [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: With the many demands on our daily lives, newly married couples struggle in balancing their time between work, daily tasks, and other obligations. When we find ourselves very busy, is it still a reasonable goal to achieve work-life balance? Today on the show, we’ll chat with a newlywed couple from Burlingame, California, to talk about how they make time for each other despite their busy schedules, while still prioritizing what truly matters in their relationship. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life Myrtle: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome Paolo & Rachelle from Burlingame, California, and they’ve been married since August of 2021. Hey there, Paolo & Rachelle!  Thanks so much for agreeing to chat with us today. Rachelle de Dios: Hi! Paolo de Dios: Hello! Myrtle: How are you both doing? Rachelle: We’re good. Happy to be here. Myrtle: Oh, well, we’re so glad you joined us. Can you tell us a little bit about yourselves and how you both met? Paolo: Sure. Rachelle and I, we first met at a Church activity. It was August 2018, and it was a career fair for the Kadiwa [youth in the Church Of Christ aged 18 and up who are unmarried] members. She had just moved from Detroit about a month before that, and, you know, I’m sure she was still learning a lot about the new areas and things like that. Maybe it was coincidence, but yeah, we met through that activity and just kind of went from it. Rachelle: Yeah, I was new, moving to California. So I was just kind of nervous about everything. But I remember when we were going through some of the notes for this career fair, I was like, “Oh, Paolo’s kind of cute.” I actually knew what to do with all the instructions of this career fair, but I pretended to not know much. So, I was messaging him like, “What are we supposed to wear? What do you mean for this job thing? What do we do?” I kind of just initiated the chatting. Myrtle: Look at you being sneaky! Way to go for what you want. [laughs] Rachelle: Woo! Myrtle: Did you know that she already knew the answers, Paolo, but messaged you on the side just to have an excuse, I guess, to talk to you? Did you know that? Paolo: Honestly, no. I think when she was messaging me, I thought, like, “Wow, I can really impress her.” You know, “I can tell her exactly what we need to do here. She needs my help.” You know, “I’m going to be that person to support her in her time of need.” But you know, she’s smart. Myrtle: But how long were you two talking before things became serious, and then when did you get engaged, and finally married? Rachelle: I want to say talking for about three or four months, and then when we got engaged, a year and a half to two years. That’s when we got engaged. Myrtle: So today we’re discussing managing time wisely, and for newlywed couples, I’m sure you can very much relate to that because both of you are working. Can you tell us about your careers? Rachelle: Yeah, so I am the head of strategy. I work in a neurotechnology clinic in Silicon Valley. I work with a lot of different technologies for health, whether it’s brain map scanning, or we’re creating products for speech, or language, or learning, or disabilities, or head trauma. I work on the projects that are involved in that. Myrtle: It sounds pretty intense. Rachelle: Yeah, it sounds a lot cooler than I think it is. Myrtle: Oh [laughs]. And then, Paolo, yourself? Paolo: I’m a marketing manager and business analyst. So you know, I help different companies kind of build their communication and advertising. In a simple way, I spend their money to sell more things. So kind of a simple job. Myrtle: Well, it definitely sounds like you both have pretty busy schedules. What does your typical workday look like? Rachelle: So, we both work from home and we have a sweet little rescue dog that is about 10 months old now. Yeah, it’s a lot of meetings. It’s a lot of back to back meetings on Zoom. And it’s a lot of taking care of Ollie (the rescue dog). Myrtle: You know, that’s your home and that’s your office, so you’re pretty much together all the time. What do you find most challenging about coordinating your schedules, even though you see each other all the time? Rachelle: I think the most challenging thing about coordinating our schedules is that we don’t really know what’s going to happen throughout the day. So, every week is different, every day is different. Sometimes I’ll have a meeting, and then we’ll have a meeting at the same time, and then we have Ollie who wants to go out. Or sometimes the days are a little bit longer than we expected, and those get kind of tricky. That’s usually what’s challenging about coordinating our schedules. So, we’ll try to figure it out as we go. Sometimes one of us will work while the other takes Ollie out. Or sometimes, actually most of the time, Paulo takes Ollie out in the morning, which he’s great about because I take a little bit longer to get ready. But we figure it out. Paolo: Yeah, I think sometimes, especially working from home, the whole day feels like one big blob of time. So you know, like she said, kind of mapping it out and kind of spacing it as much as possible is really helpful. Otherwise, it’s all noise and we won’t get anything done. Myrtle: And then do you take lunch breaks together? Paolo: Totally. Rachelle: Oh, yeah. All the time! Paolo: She’s like an amateur chef, for sure, and I’m an amateur eater, so she makes a bunch of stuff. It’s awesome. Rachelle: He’s good at cooking too though. Paolo: I think, if anything that’s like the number one advantage of working from home is that we can kind of treat ourselves. We can do things in advance, cook things in advance, eat things in advance. Rachelle: We eat a lot. And then also with our schedules, I’ll even take time sometimes during the work day to practice for the organ. I’m an organist at our Church, and if I know I’m leading that practice that day, I’ll go over a lot of the notes. I’ll go over a lot of the things I’m going to say during practice, and Paulo is usually really great about giving me that time because I tend to stress out a lot, you know, especially if it’s something I really care about. So he’s been really great at giving me that time. Myrtle: So despite your busy schedules, how do you still make sure that you spend quality time with one another, and are there specific things that have worked out for both of you? Paolo: Yeah, I think quality time is really important. I think there are certain things that we can control and if we can, you know, we make sure to plan those things ahead. So for instance, we make sure we have lunch and dinner together no matter what, as long as it’s within our schedules, which it usually is. Even on a, you know, a busy workday or a busy evening, we make sure to make that time for each other. And like I mentioned before, you know, we both love to cook just as much as we both love to eat, so I think sharing those commonalities, it’s something that we need to do every day anyway, so we might as well enjoy it. Rachelle: Yeah, we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. So it’s such a big deal when we’re working from home and we see each other every day. We still get excited though to watch movies in the living room, we get excited to hang out together, we have a lot of hobbies that are similar. Paulo is actually really into golf now, which is great. You’re good at it now. I feel like you’re really good at golf now. And, ahh, he makes really good steak, so I’m super into steak even more now, because he’s really good at making the perfect medium rare steak. And coffee, which I love, he’s so good at making coffee. You should see the kitchen. I think if anything that we’re going to argue about is kitchen space, because it looks like a coffee shop. Paolo: That’s true. Rachelle: But it’s good coffee though, so I still love it. I’m super into basketball, food, being outdoors, and you know he switches those things off, because I know he wasn’t always into basketball too much but now he is. And you weren’t too outdoorsy, but now I feel like you love it unless that’s just for me. Paolo: Yeah, I mean, I think it’s both. I think I love it, and I love you so I think it kind of goes hand-in-hand. Myrtle: Aww! Well, you had me at golf, steak and coffee. So I’m coming over. You know, are you free this weekend? [laughs] Rachelle: Come over. Myrtle: But you know, what are the things that you enjoy doing when you want to wind down or relax together? Paolo: Some simple things that we never take for granted is getting some snacks or even popcorn, she loves buttery, buttery popcorn, and just watching a movie together and winding down. I think that’s something that we always look forward to. Also we just like to hang out and just kind of either lounge on the couch, kind of relax and not really work or stress or do anything, but just be there together. Myrtle: Well, you know, last season we had an episode that covered being fully present without the distractions of phones, computers, tablets, and the like. How do you deal with this challenge since you both work from home? Rachelle: Yeah, in the beginning, we were distracted by our phones and our laptops. It was pretty difficult because we both work from home, so technology is super big in our lives. And even when the work was over, we’d still be glued to our phones. But we’re really good about always having lunch together and dinner together. I think food really does bring us together, and it was a no-phone zone because we enjoy it that much. We

Myrtle Alegado: Someone catches your eye, his or her personality is attractive, you get along well, and you start falling for this person. You live in the same country, but there’s actually a language barrier. Today, we’ll meet Michael and Cindy, from Belgium, and they’ll share what it was like in the beginning of their cross-cultural relationship and how they’re doing now as newlyweds. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life  Myrtle: As mentioned earlier, our newlyweds today are from Belgium. Hi, Michael and Cindy. We hope you’re both doing well over there. Cindy Van Acker: I’m doing very good. Thank you so much, Myrtle, for your time for today. Michael Van Acker: Hello, Myrtle. Thank you for having us and happy to be here. Myrtle: So would you two mind giving us a little background information on where you both grew up? Michael: I was born in Zele. Zele is a very small town in Belgium, a small community. Almost everyone knows each other, a lot of greens and nature close by. My dad, he is a Belgian while my mom is a Filipina. Myrtle: You were born and raised in Zele. Michael: Yes, I was born in Zele and also raised. Myrtle: Oh wow. That’s pretty awesome. So how about you, Cindy? Cindy: For myself, my parents are both Filipino. I grew up in the capital city of Brussels, Belgium. Myrtle: And now do you still live in Brussels or Zele or did you both move somewhere else? Michael: Now we are living in Schoonaarde, also in Belgium of course, and it’s about 45 minutes driving from the capital city, Brussels. Myrtle: Okay, so a little bit on the outskirts up in the suburbs maybe. So, we talked previously and you mentioned that, although you live in the same country, you speak different languages, right? Cindy: Yes. It is correct, Myrtle. Actually, in Belgium, we speak different languages. But it actually depends [on] where you live. Usually we speak French, Dutch or German. But for myself, since I live in the capital city of Brussels, I speak and am fluent in French. Michael: And since I grew up in a Dutch area, I’m speaking Dutch. It’s my mother language. So actually, we don’t speak each other’s languages. Myrtle: That is so interesting. Okay, wait, I have to ask you both. How do you say happy life in Dutch and then in French? Michael: In Dutch, it’s gelukkig leven. Myrtle: Okay, I will not even try to repeat that. [laughs] Cindy, how do you say it in French? Cindy: La vie heureuse. Myrtle:  Oh wow, that is so cool. So what was it like trying to talk to each other in the beginning when you first met? Michael: We [have to] go way back. We actually met each other when we were still teenagers. Myrtle: Oh, young love? [laughs] Cindy: Yes, indeed. Since we met when we were teenagers, the only language that we actually could speak was English. But back then, our English was terrible, especially mine. I really had to learn and practice it every single day. We had so many misunderstandings back then. We had a hard time [expressing] ourselves in English, so we had less patience of course before, since we both have different mother languages, because obviously [it’s] easier to speak in our own language. But to look back [there were] actually very funny moments and conversations. Myrtle: I can imagine. Michael: But now of course we are older, so we have more experience, more patience. So our English improved a lot and is much better right now. Myrtle: So in school you both, like you said, Cindy, you spoke French fluently and, Michael, you’re Dutch, in school was English something you had to learn as well? Cindy: For myself, it was actually mandatory to learn Dutch and English. Since in English we had to use it in our courses and of course for Church. Actually, English I learned it in Church, because I needed to communicate. But for example, in Dutch I’ve actually studied it for so many years, I think more than seven years, but since I don’t practice it every single day I am not good. So, basically I speak French every single day. Myrtle: And how was learning English for you, Michael, in school? Michael: Also [I] was obligated to take that course in high school already starting from the second year, I believe, and then up to the sixth year. But then when we had the college life there, also some courses were in English. So through the years, English became more and more the main language in my life. Myrtle: Okay so, you know, aside from the language barrier, did you learn that you had other cultural differences that you noticed as well? Michael: Oh, yes. Cindy is more of a big city woman, while I grew up with a more of a country lifestyle. And I’m also more conscious about what to consume, while Cindy is more a consumer mindset. She buys with convenience since everything is close to her, for example, grocery stores. Myrtle: So have you noticed whether this has led you to maybe approach situations or tasks differently too? Cindy: Yes, actually, Myrtle. For example, if Michael has something in mind, he will tend to do it directly, or even immediately, and finish it right away. He’s someone that hates and avoids postponing things, but for me, I’m more thoughtful or take time to ponder. I’m someone that needs to think if it’s really necessary to address it now. So for example, we were speaking about having a new kitchen in our new house. Michael wanted directly to have a picture in front of him, search prices to see how much it will be, determine how much time [it will] take, how big or how small [we can] go. He wants all those details immediately. Michael: Well, Cindy on the other hand, she will think about it first. Then make a plan for how it will look like but not really focusing on the exact details. She will plan first and finalize details later. Cindy: Also I think for myself, when it comes to speaking, I am a more direct person. I will say things, what is actually on my mind. Michael [will] try to avoid conflict. My attitude is, like, also more expressive than Michael’s. Michael prefers things to be more relaxed, more calm. It’s okay. It’s alright. [laughs] But for myself, I’m more adventurous and maybe will take more risks than Michael. Michael: Yeah, for example, I will rather not jump off a cliff or bungee jump. I will never do that. But Cindy would love to do that. It’s on her bucket list. Myrtle: [laughs] Oh, oh you’re an adventure seeker huh, Cindy? Cindy: Yes. Myrtle: You know people say, ‘Opposites attract.’ So, maybe that’s truly the case with the two of you. I didn’t ask, how long have you been married now? Cindy: I think we got married about… not long ago. So six months. Myrtle: Oh, not even a year. Wow, okay, so truly newlyweds! So do you agree, Cindy, that opposites attract? Cindy: Yes, I agree. But actually in the past, I was not believing it. But in our case, I agree, because our differences help us to complete each other and we also get to learn things from one another. Myrtle: That’s a good way to look at it. What would you say are your biggest frustrations, though, in dealing with, you know, your language barrier or communication barrier in marriage? Michael: Cindy and I actually have two types of arguments. Argument type one is when we don’t understand each other, we can’t find the right word to express ourselves and what we really mean, while with the second type of argument it’s a discussion that starts about something else, like a certain thing that happened that one of us did not appreciate from the other. But with these arguments, we really do try to take the time to explain ourselves without getting angry at each other. Cindy: It’s true. There are actually times that we don’t understand each other, because the words that we are using are quite literal, and maybe the word sounds a bit harsh, without meaning it to that person. But the biggest frustration happens if one of us is using the language barrier as an excuse. Like in one of our arguments we just say, “Ah, well you just don’t understand me again,” and then almost closing off when it comes to our conversation, while the other person is actually trying to explain things clearly. Myrtle: And what happens when you have misunderstandings like that and how do you handle those situations? Cindy: It’s quite frustrating, to be honest, but we try giving each other some space, helping to give us [and] each other the time so that we can think and process everything. Michael: But we make sure that we always try to fix it before we sleep, otherwise both of us will have a bad, bad sleep and that’s not good for both of us. Myrtle: Yeah, and that’s a good approach that most couples try to, you know, take in terms of having arguments with one another. You know that saying, ‘Never go to bed angry,’ right? Michael: Yes indeed. Myrtle: But you know, right now, I’d like to ask Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, to impart some biblical advice about maybe adjusting and learning in marriage through intercultural challenges or differences. Hello and how are you today, Brother Felmar? Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! I’m doing well, thank you very much. And hello to Michael and Cindy, our guests today, and hello to all our listeners. So I’m really interested in this topic that we’re taking up: differences between husband and wife, culturally speaking, and how to handle those moments of frustration or anger that may come up in communication, right? So getting right to it, is it evil to feel angry? We’ll start here in the book of Ephesians, chapter four, the verse is 26, in the Today’s English Version, I quote the following: If you bec

Sharing Common Interests as Newlyweds [Show Opens] Myrtle Alegado: So you just got married and you’re basking in the giddiness of newlywed bliss. But have you thought about how to build that connection even more with your spouse? In our last episode, we talked to a couple from Vista. Now let’s travel a few hours north on the I-5 and meet another California couple to discuss the importance of sharing common interests as newlyweds. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome Jasmine and Darryl and they’re from Oakland, California. They’ve been married since April of 2019. Hey there, Darryl and Jasmine! We’re so glad you were able to join us today. Jasmine San Pedro: Hi, thank you so much for having us. Darryl San Pedro: Thanks for having us today. Myrtle: So, you know, tell us a little bit about what life is like right now in the Bay Area. Darryl: Gas prices are kind of crazy, but the weather’s fine. Myrtle: Well, send some of that warmth up here to Vancouver please. [laughs] So you know, if you can, tell us a little bit about yourselves and how you two met and then became husband and wife. Darryl: Yeah, so we met in college. We went to UC (University of California) Berkeley together and we met there at a theater production. Myrtle: So how many years were you just friends? Jasmine: Um, since 2012. Darryl: Yeah, I want to say 2012. Jasmine: 2012, yeah. Myrtle: Oh okay, so that was a pretty good, you know, three years of building that friendship before it became something more. So Darryl, you mentioned you were both in theater production. Was that the common interest that brought you together? Darryl: Yeah, we shared a passion for performing and that was actually what formed the basis of our initial friendship. Jasmine: Yeah, it was really easy to talk to each other because we liked a lot of the same things and, you know, just have a love for music and theater. Myrtle: And, you know, as someone who can’t act or sing, I find it so amazing that you’re both talented in those areas, so. You know, what do you love about having this common love for the arts? Jasmine: Yeah, I mean, in a sense, we kind of speak the same language. Much of our life is shared, so we’ve really become in tune, pun intended, with each other. There’s really a lot of work that is needed to be done with, like, your bandmates, or your castmates, when you’re in the creative space. So for me and Darryl, a lot of the time, we don’t even need to say a word to each other, and we learned to communicate with each other in that way, which is pretty cool. And I really just love the amount of time we get to spend with each other when we’re doing these types of projects. Myrtle: Yeah, it’s funny when you hear couples say, he can understand me with just a look. I guess, you know, that’s pretty true for the two of you. What are, you know, some of the favorite things that you’ve worked on together? Darryl: I would say our very first performance together will always hold a special place in my heart. I mean, essentially, that was when we met. And I do enjoy reminiscing and laughing about some of our earlier shows and gigs in college. I can still vividly remember how, you know, we weren’t very polished and not always in sync back then. We’re still not very polished but, you know, at least we’re not polished together now in a sense. [laughs] If I were to pick a favorite performance, it would also be the celebration of the Church Of Christ’s 50th anniversary in the West. We had just gotten engaged and I feel like performing in that event, and just being surrounded by so many people with really high levels of faith, helped us to grow in our faith individually. And you know, what we learned in that production really strengthened our foundation for our marriage. Myrtle: You mentioned that what you learned in the production strengthened the foundation of your marriage. So what did you learn exactly during the production? Darryl: Yeah, I mean, we definitely learned how to really trust in God when it comes to the process, you know. And we also kind of learned how to support each other especially, you know, in stressful times, yeah. Jasmine: We also learned to be very patient. We had a lot of long nights and late nights preparing for that event. So that was, learning patience was definitely good for our marriage. Myrtle: Oh yeah, those are great qualities to learn early on in your relationship. Darryl, you mentioned that you had just gotten engaged. Do you mind sharing a little bit about your proposal? Darryl: Yeah. Actually, the theater where we did our first production together, I was able to propose on that very stage. So, I was trying to think of what would be the perfect place for us to do that, and I was able to, you know, pull some strings with some friend who worked at that theater and decorated it with some of our memories and proposed on that stage. Myrtle: Oh, wow. Jasmine: Yeah, it felt like it went full circle. Myrtle: That would definitely be a memorable place for your engagement to happen. Let’s go back to you, Jasmine, your favorite performance that you’ve done together. Jasmine: Yeah, I would say my favorite performance we’ve ever had the privilege to be a part of was the play called ‘Steadfast’ and it was for the INCenterstage (the stage production platform in the Church Of Christ) in the District of Northwest California. The auditions were actually on the day of our wedding. So, we recorded our virtual auditions the day before in the hotel where we were, like, prepping, and we sent the videos in on the day of our wedding. And we were blessed to be casted in roles of husband and wife in the play. And in the play, our characters went through like these different life challenges alongside their son, and they got through it as a family by prayer and with God’s guidance. And our entire first month of marriage was pretty much spent on that production, and I felt like we were acting out what the rest of our lives would essentially be like. Myrtle: Oh, wow. And I have to say, the fact that you auditioned the day before your wedding and sent in the video auditions just shows how much, you know, the love of performing means to you both. Those two occasions must have been incredible and I was actually at INC50West in Sacramento. And I applaud all the performers on that day because it was absolutely amazing and incredible. I’d just like to share something I read on www.psychologytoday.com from Dr. Stephen Betchan. He said that it’s not just hobbies that should be considered as interests. A Pew Research in 2016 found that: “44% of adults surveyed said that shared religious beliefs are important for a successful marriage.” Now going back to your shared passion, what do you find attractive about your spouse when they’re in their “creative zone?” Darryl: Jasmine can get pretty scary and intense when she’s in her zone. Like when she’s songwriting, I know I can’t talk until she’s done. She always puts her all into whatever she’s working on. I also really liked that she sets the highest standards for herself. Like she pretty much won’t stop until it’s perfect. That amount of drive has always been something I admired about her. And it also extends to other facets of our lives, not just the creative part. Myrtle: Okay, but on a scale of 1 to 10, how scary is she when, you know, she’s in her zone? Darryl: I would say like 12. Myrtle: Uh oh Jasmine: I’m not that scary. No! [laughs] Myrtle: How about you Jasmine? When Daryl’s in his creative zone, what do you find attractive? Jasmine: You know, sometimes it’s a little bit hard to fully appreciate the other’s talent or artistic choices when we’re performing together, because sometimes we’re so focused on our own self. But when Darryl is like playing in a band without me, or acting in a scene that I’m not in, or  if he’s even just playing on the guitar or the piano at home, while I’m like scrolling on my phone in the other room, sometimes I’m taken aback and I’m just like, “Wow, that’s my husband!” I mean, I know the amount of work and practice it took for him to get to that point. So that perseverance is definitely attractive, and of course I love seeing him have fun. Myrtle: So, Darryl, did you know that she secretly thinks that to herself when she watches you? Darryl: No, I always thought that she just wasn’t paying attention. [laughs] Myrtle: So, as creative as you two are together, and when those creative juices are flowing and you’re playing off of each other, are there times when you want to perhaps delve into your own creative space and just focus on that? Jasmine: Oh, we’re getting candid. I would say sometimes, yeah. But it’s not so much that we don’t want to spend time with each other. It’s more that there’s nothing to really talk about. You know what I mean? Darryl: I know what you’re trying to say. So, essentially, I think what she’s trying to say is that we’ll enjoy each other’s presence and maybe it’s silent but we’re working on our own things together. So for example, Jasmine might be working on a sewing project while I’m reading a book or playing guitar. Sometimes it’ll be like 3 hours of straight silence, you know, and then the 3 hours are up and then we kind of look up from what we’ve been doing and we’re like, “Oh yeah, you’re here.” Jasmine: Nooo, I mean….. Darryl: But it’s also, like, in those moments we’re still enjoying being together while still doing our own thing, if that makes sense. Jasmine: Yeah, I mean, we’re both very creative people, and sometimes it’s crea

Buying Your First House as Newlyweds [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: Hi, Happy Life listeners. I’m pretty excited to have the discussion today with our newlywed couple. In my opinion, it’s a topic that a lot of newlyweds, and married couples in general, want to know more about but are maybe hesitant to talk about. What is it, you ask? Well, today we’ll chat about finances and whether buying a house as newlyweds is feasible. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. Later we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.  Myrtle Alegado: I’m really grateful to have Chris and Alyssa here, our newlyweds from Vista, California, to share their financial journey thus far as a married couple. Hi, Chris and Alyssa and welcome to the Happy Life Podcast. Chris Agana: Hi, Myrtle. Alyssa Agana: Hi, Myrtle. Thank you for having us. Myrtle Alegado: Oh, it’s a pleasure. You know, what’s life like right now there, down in Vista, California? Chris Agana: It’s not too bad. It’s, you know, that SoCal weather. It’s warm but nice and breezy. I know, it’s the beginning of spring now. It’s like the perfect weather so it’s been just nice and cool Alyssa Agana: Can’t complain. Myrtle Alegado: Well, send some of that sunshine over here to “Raincouver” as we like to call our city. Always jealous of the California sunshine. But again, it’s so great to have you here on the Happy Life Podcast. So please let us know how you met and how long you’ve been married. Chris Agana: Alright, so Alyssa and I actually met when we were teenagers. This is back when I first moved into the area, and I actually met her at church. And I’ll have to say and admit that it was love at first sight. Myrtle Alegado: Aww. Chris Agana: We became friends, and got to know each other and actually dated for several years, Alyssa Agana: Several years. And in 2019, Chris finally popped the question. And about a year later, we got married in November of 2020. Myrtle Alegado: It’s been almost a year and a half now that you’ve been married. My understanding is you became homeowners too before you got married. So for all the engaged to be wed couples out there who are currently planning ahead, can you share how this was even possible? Chris Agana: Yeah, sure. So we actually both grew up with parents who taught us to always save, save, and save. Growing up, we would both always hear, save more than you spend and also live below your means. So early on, we developed good saving habits. And with the money that we both save individually, we knew that we had to be strategic in how we budget our money. And we had open conversations with each other to align and establish our priorities. The first thing was our wedding, second was a down payment on the house, and third was that we wanted to have enough money left over to have a comfortable emergency fund. Alyssa Agana: We also reached out to friends who recently bought homes to learn more about their experiences. And through that we were able to find a first homebuyers program, which helped a lot. Chris Agana: We also held devotional prayers together daily and often in the chapel. When we put an offer on this house that we have now, we went straight to the chapel and we prayed about it. And the next day, we found out that the offer was accepted. Myrtle Alegado : Oh, that’s fabulous. But you know, it sounds like there were so many expenses, you know, one after another. It’s like, your wedding, which you know, was it a big wedding? Chris Agana: You know, because of COVID it was supposed to be a big wedding and it got smaller, and smaller, and smaller, and actually became a small intimate wedding, which we really appreciated. It helps us save some money, but also I think it was the wedding that God intended for us. Myrtle Alegado: I keep saying the important thing is you’re married. Chris Agana: Absolutely. Myrtle Alegado: And you know, that was the number one goal right? So, it must have been a really exciting feeling when, you know, your offer was accepted. So, you know, what other expenses, in your experience, did you come across with the purchase of your home and, do you have any tips for other newlyweds out there who are going to be first-time home buyers as well? Chris Agana: So, when people are trying to figure out if they can afford a home, oftentimes they get caught up with that big listing price, but it’s important to look at what that monthly payment will look like. On top of your mortgage, you’ll have to determine if there’s going to be additional monthly fees. So some of these monthly fees are something called an HOA, which is a homeowner’s association fee. This is for property maintenance, and amenities. There’s also something called local community taxes. For example, here in the state of California, we have something called Mello-Roos. There’s also property tax, there’s home insurance, and depending on how much you put down for a downpayment, you may also have to pay something called PMI and this is private mortgage insurance. There’s additional costs and fees that need to be paid for upfront, such as closing costs, there’s home inspection fees, there’s also appraisal fees. And there’s also an escrow account. So fortunately for us, our first homebuyers program provided us with a free educational course, and this helped us understand the whole process and what to expect financially. And to let everybody know, there’s a lot of free online resources. Myrtle Alegado : Yeah, a lot of fees that kind of stack on top of one another without even realizing. Like you said, some people just look at the sticker price on the house. Like, “Okay, we can afford that.” And then they’re shocked to learn, well, no, there’s this fee, and that fee, and this expense, and that expense, like even just the home inspection fee. You know, this Mello-Roos. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? It’s not something that I’ve heard of here in Canada. So I’m not sure if it’s just in BC, but I don’t think we have that here in Canada. Chris Agana: Sure. So in California, I’m not sure that other states have this, they may call it something else, but it’s usually in areas that are in development. So, the newer areas that have to make sure they have the roads set up, they have the schools built, and everything that you need in the community. That tax pretty much covers when people purchase the homes in developing areas. Myrtle Alegado: Definitely sounds like there’s a lot of information to research and, you know, knowledge that you have to arm yourselves with when you’re buying a home. But, you know, as for you two were you always on the same page in terms of financial goals or, you know, how did you even broach the subject and open up the conversation while you two were still dating? Chris Agana: So while we were dating, we’d often talk about our future together and what we wanted in life. And we knew that we wanted a traditional wedding, which luckily we had, we also wanted to buy a house and a home for us to move into immediately right after the wedding. In order for us to achieve these things together, we had to be open and comfortable about money, right? We had to talk about money and be as honest about dollar amounts—how much money we earn, how much money we have saved, and even how much debt we might have. Alyssa Agana: And honestly, it was harder for me to start talking about finances. And initially, I really struggled with being, like, so open about discussing dollar amounts. But we came to the understanding that we both had to see the big picture of our financial situation, which is so important in a relationship, especially in one that’s leading into marriage. Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, for sure. And I don’t think, you know, finances is an easy topic, at all, of conversation for most people. So, you know, what was it like when you first started having those discussions? Chris Agana: So, having those types of discussions can be difficult and actually just really uncomfortable. But it’s really important for couples to talk about finances while dating and actually planning their future together. It helps them to better understand each other with their spending habits, current financial situation, if they have plans for pursuing education in the future, they’ll have to know if they’re going to have to take on more debt. And sometimes you’ll never know if your significant other is helping their own family with bills and expenses, so it’s good to know these things. Having an open conversation about finances also helps us to manage our expectations of how we can spend money within our relationship. Alyssa Agana: And as we started having more serious conversations about getting married and life plans, we also became more interested in financial planning and budgeting, especially since we’re both more established in our careers and felt more financially ready at the time. So once we got engaged, that interest grew exponentially, and we started preparing our wedding budget, and also began house hunting. And at that point, financial planning and budgeting became a necessity. And now with more than one year of marriage under our belts, we want to learn more about investing and also becoming more financially literate. Chris Agana: So it takes a lot of maturity, and it takes a lot of trust to be honest about financial challenges that you or your significant other may be facing. And for us talking about finances actually brought our  relationship to another level and we were able to understand each other a lot better. Myrtle Alegado: So you said that you were kind of pretty stable in your careers. Do you mind if I ask what you

Having a Honeymoon Baby [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: Being newlyweds is an exciting time in the marriage journey but have you known some newly married friends who found out that they were expecting a wedding night or honeymoon baby soon after marriage too? We’re going to delve into that topic today as we launch season two, so stay tuned. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle Alegado: In Season One of Happy Life, we talked about adjustments as newlyweds and the transition from the big day to your new life as husband and wife. Imagine now that one of those adjustments also includes welcoming a baby. And today we have with us Thirdy and Bianca all the way from London. Their wedding was in April of 2021, so another pandemic wedding. Hi, Thirdy and Bianca, and thanks so much for joining us on Happy Life. Thirdy Magsino: Hi Myrtle. Thank you for having us. Bianca Magsino: Yeah, thank you for having us. Myrtle Alegado: Well, how are you two doing over there in London? Thirdy & Bianca Magsino: We’re good. We’re good. Thirdy Magsino: A bit sleep deprived, but we’re good. Myrtle Alegado: That’s to be expected. So can you tell us a little more about your wedding and you know, your life together immediately afterwards? Thirdy Magsino: So we got married last year, April 29, 2021. We have been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years. So she lives in Hamburg, Germany. And the wedding was on the 29th of April. And shortly afterwards, maybe three days after, she left… Bianca Magsino: I had to go back Thirdy Magsino: To go back to Germany to fix some paperwork and to handle some government things for the wedding. Myrtle Alegado: Wow. Like only 3 days? Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it was, it was kind of bittersweet. It was like, from the high of the wedding. And then all of a sudden, like the sadness of saying goodbye straight away, like a few days after. Myrtle Alegado: So you had your wedding, and then you went back to being kind of like an LDR [long distance relationship] couple . Bianca Magsino: Yeah, yeah. But then it wasn’t for too long. Because Thirdy then came to Hamburg to stay with me in June, until August, which was nice. So we’ve got to spend some time in Hamburg as well before I finally moved to the UK in September 2021. Thirdy Magsino: We always said, looking back, it’s not going to be long, but in the moment. Bianca Magsino: In the moment, it always feels long. Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, well, that’s true. I mean, it was, what, four or five months. So it’s kind of significant, a third of the year or whatnot. So but you know, on our episode today, we’re talking about having a honeymoon baby or expecting a baby in your first year of marriage. First of all, congratulations to both of you on the recent birth of your baby girl. So when was she born? And what’s her name? Bianca Magsino: Thank you. She was born on the 19th of January 2022. And her name is… Thirdy Magsino: Evie Grace Magsino. Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s so wonderful, you know, [as] first time parents you must be, as you said, sleep deprived, but at the same time, you’re probably ecstatic that she’s finally arrived. But you know, when we were looking into discussing this topic, we found that there were pros and cons to becoming pregnant right away after the wedding. You know, for example, some pros are if you’re worried about having problems conceiving, you know, at least you’ll find out right away and you’ll have avoided the question many people ask right after you get married—you know, “When are you having kids? When are you having kids?!” And on the other hand, some cons are that having a baby means a huge change in your life right away, which also means you won’t really have that time to adjust to one another during the newlywed phase. And also your friends might not be at the same stage as you or, you know, ready to have children of their own. So you might not be able to see your friends as much. So why don’t you tell me about how you found out about your pregnancy, Bianca, and what it was like? Bianca Magsino: So I found out when I was back in Germany. It was a month after when I was waiting for that “time of the month” to come. And it wasn’t coming, so I was like “Okay, maybe it’s time for me to actually check” because there is a possibility. And by the time I did check, well it turned out positive. So I was like, “oh, okay,” but maybe it does happen that sometimes it does test positive but you know, a false positive. So I waited another week and then I tested again and it turned out positive again. So I was like, “Okay, this is it. I’m guessing we’re pregnant.” And yeah, you can really say it is a honeymoon baby because we weren’t really [together not long) after the wedding. Myrtle Alegado: Literally a honeymoon baby, because if you left after three days…. [laughs] Bianca Magsino: And then I waited a bit to tell Thirdy because I wanted to kind of surprise him in a special way and not just tell him on the phone, “Oh, we’re pregnant.” I ended up ordering something online. It was a baby romper that said, “I can’t wait to meet you, Daddy.” And I shipped it to his house. And yeah, I was on the phone when I told him to open the package. He thought it was, because I think it was almost close to our first ‘monthsary’. So 1 month after our… Thirdy Magsino: Or, two months? Bianca Magsino: Oh, two months. Yeah, he thought it was a monthsary wedding gift for him. Thirdy Magsino: What’s this? Bianca Magsino: And then, yeah, we were on a phone call, on a video call. And then I was like, “Oh, can you open this package?” And that’s how I told him. Myrtle Alegado: So you were going through all of this, you know, alone by yourself, taking all these tests and whatnot. So wow, that must have been hard to kind of keep under wraps. Bianca Magsino: It was. It was because we’re usually a couple that tells each other everything straight away. Like something small happens, I [would] already tell him. So it was really difficult for me to keep it a secret. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret on purpose, but I just wanted to tell him in a nice memorable way. Yeah. Thirdy Magsino: A special way. Myrtle Aegado: So, Thirdy, why don’t you share, you know, your version of events on that call? Thirdy Magsino: Honestly, because usually when she’s hiding something or you know trying to surprise me, there’s a bit of like, you know, Bianca Magsino: You can kind of tell.  Thirdy Magsino: Hmmm, something’s going on. But no, she was able to hide it and kind of surprise me fully. And yes, it was like our ‘monthsary’ wedding gift. I was like, “Oh sorry, I didn’t get you anything. And then she told me, “Okay, make sure you record yourself.” And I was on the phone, and then there was one phone recording and one phone on us together, on the video call together. Yeah, so it came in a little, small box. And all of a sudden I opened it and I could barely see it. All I saw was ‘Daddy.’ I was like, “What? What’s this?” I saw her laughing. “What’s this?” And then I lifted it up a bit. And I was just speechless. Anyone that knows me, I’m never speechless. I talk a lot. I talk a lot, yeah. I could not speak, I was just … I could not… Just thinking about it now, yeah, it’s… for a good like 20 seconds. I was looking at her like and looking back [at it] and I was just like, stunned. And then she said… Bianca Magsino: I had to speak for him to kind of realize what was happening. I said, “Oh, we’re pregnant.” And that’s when it kind of hit him, I think. Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, because, you know, reading ‘I can’t wait to meet you Daddy,’ I was like, “Is this a joke?” Like, is this a joke or like for real? My mouth just dropped. I was… I can’t believe it. That was really like, it was an unbelievable moment. Like, my emotions [were] just like riled up and I just couldn’t think. I couldn’t process anything.   Myrtle Alegado: So what were, you know, the other emotions that both of you experienced, finding out about the pregnancy? Bianca Magsino: To be honest, we were not really planning to get pregnant straight away. But we were like, oh, maybe we can wait a year or so. We wanted to travel together and do things together after being in a long distance relationship for so long. But at the same time, we also said that if it happens, it’s God’s will and we will, of course, take it. The only thing that was a bit difficult was being separated from Thirdy in the beginning, especially right after the wedding, and when I found out I wasn’t physically with him. By the time I was able to speak to him about it, it felt lighter. I wouldn’t call it a burden, but a kind of… Thirdy Magsino: Like a relief. Bianca Magsino: Yeah, relief of being able to talk to someone about it, instead of just having to keep it to yourself. It was very emotional, I think, also for Thirdy. He already said that he was quite speechless when he found out. “Am I ready for this? Are we ready for this?” That’s what one of our concerns were. And then we were also thinking, “Oh, what if we’re not ready for this?” What if there’s … Thirdy Magsino: And in the moment, while I was away, you were able to talk to your mom weren’t you? Like, after you told me, you were able to tell her as well, isn’t it? Bianca Magsino: Oh, yeah, yeah, I told my mom after.  A week or two after, I was able to also talk to my mom. And I told her, “I’m pregnant.” She was happy. And that was also some emotional support that I needed and that she was able to give me. Not just my mom, but also my dad. By the time I told them, it just really felt like a big relief on my end, yeah. Myrtle

  HAPPY LIFE SEASON 2 LAUNCHING SOON [trailer opens] Myrtle Alegado: Being newlyweds, it’s a time filled with excitement and anticipation. After all, you’re not exactly sure what to expect in this new adventure of yours, right? [Soundbites from episodes] Thirdy Magsino: You’re so overwhelmed by emotions, knowing that you’re about to have a kid. Bianca Magsino: We’re first time parents, we haven’t experienced this before. Alyssa Agana: Once we became homeowners, all I could think about was the mortgage. And with being married, it’s not just my money. I’m sharing that money with my spouse. Chris Agana: God has definitely blessed us with amazing opportunities and has helped us financially. Darryl San Pedro: We always find some kind of solution or compromise. Jasmine San Pedro: Having a shared interest, it helps you work on yourself and your relationship at the same time. Myrtle Alegado: I’m Myrtle Alegado, host of the Happy Life podcast produced by INC Media Audio. Please come along for the journey in season 2, as we continue talking to newly married couples about their challenges and struggles, and find out just how they overcame them.  Stay tuned, and find us on the INC Media mobile app, Google podcast & Apple podcast. [trailer closes]  

Benefits of Putting God First in Marriage [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: When you get married as newlyweds, you have goals, right, that you want to accomplish, whether they be advancing in your career or buying a home, traveling or even starting a family. In this episode, we’re going to talk to a newlywed couple who has seen the benefits of putting God first in their marriage. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle Alegado: According to verywellmind.com, a top priority for newlyweds should be keeping the romance alive as mentioned in Dr. Houston’s study. Other than that, during the first year of marriage, couples need to settle many things, including how to allocate and handle money. On lifehack.org, they said that goals will help your marriage to thrive, and a couple of things to prioritize our financial goals, goals for your relationship as well as family health goals. The newlyweds I’d like to introduce you all to are Christine and Marc, all the way from Sydney, Australia. Christine is a friend of mine and my colleague at INC Media. Good day, Marc and Christine, how are things in the Land of Oz? Christine Afenir: Hi, Myrtle. Marc Afenir: Good day, Myrtle. I’m loving the Aussie accent there. Well done. Myrtle Alegado: I’m so glad I thought you were going to cringe and say how horrible because, you know, I’m really bad at accents. But I thought I’d give it a shot. Marc Afenir: Let’s just say that it’s good that you’re not recording video right now. Myrtle Alegado:  I cry, I cry. Well, how are you both doing? You know, down there, I think the weather is opposite from here in North America. Right? Marc Afenir: It is actually. It’s winter here right now. So you know everything in Australia being upside down compared to the northern hemisphere. So whatever you have, we have in reverse so yeah, but we’re doing well. And we’re keeping warm during lockdown so. Myrtle Alegado: Oh, still in lockdown. Wow. Okay. Well, glad to hear you’re doing well. For those who don’t know you, would you mind sharing a little bit about how you two met? Christine Avenir: So, funny story. We actually met at the KADIWA formal, a Church event that was happening in London in 2008. We actually didn’t interact with each other. We were there with kind of our own friends. And yeah, Marc traveled all the way from Australia to be there as well. Marc Afenir: Yeah, that was also a very last minute trip for me. So I was working full time at an ad agency and kind of asked my boss who was also from the UK. And I think that kind of helped me get over the line to get my leave approved. But I told her I was going to London for about a week.  And we met there, but we didn’t really talk. So that was like she said back in 2008. So, it was close to a decade later that we started talking to each other. Like we’ve heard of each other, because we’ve worked in media. So Christine’s been in INC Media since I think 2011 and I started around that time helping the bureau here in Sydney. She was in San Francisco. I’ve heard her name thrown around, be it she was a producer for some shows. But it wasn’t until, like, 2017 that we started messaging each other.  Myrtle Alegado: Did you actually meet at that formal or you just found out later that you were both there at the same time? Marc Afenir: So for Christine, she kind of knew who were at the table. But I was, I kind of have a very long memory so… Christine Afenir: Full disclosure, I didn’t know his name. I think I remembered later on, that somebody from Australia was there. There was only one person from Australia there. So when that was mentioned, I was like, oh, that guy. I think we only were conscious of each other’s existence afterwards. Myrtle Alegado: And I know you kind of touched on it, Christine, but let me just explain that KADIWA is the Christian Family Organization for those 18 [years old] and up who are unmarried inside the Church Of Christ. So the formal in London was organized for that group, which is really neat that they had those kinds of events for the youth to be able to meet each other. Marc Afenir: Yeah. And you had basically a lot of people from all over Europe. It was a European KADIWA formal but you know, I think… Christine Afenir: We crashed. Marc Afenir: Yeah, we crashed. There were people all over the world who found out about it and they thought, oh, cool, great opportunity to be in London and meet all these other single people in the Church, so why not? And even had one crazy Aussie there who traveled 24 hours by plane just to be there for a week. Myrtle Alegado: That’s how long it takes to fly to London, 24 hours? Marc Afenir: Oh yeah, a good 24 hours. Myrtle Alegado: Wow, I had no idea. So Christine, obviously your relationship progressed, and the two of you got married in April of 2019. We heard on what some couples prioritize in their marriage. Can you tell me what it was like to plan your wedding while being across the globe from each other? You know, what was important to you both to put first? Christine Afenir: I think we really experienced the true definition of long distance. Because usually, long distance like you’re in another state, in the United States, or, you know, a different time zone. He was in a different country, in a different hemisphere. Like it was very hard to find a common time where we were both awake, and conscious to even talk to each other. So to plan a wedding. You know, I have family in the United States, we have family in the Philippines. He has family in Germany, he has family in Australia. So we were trying to find a place—a place to have the wedding but also, you know, the discussion came to where are we going to go, to live our life as a married couple. But it wasn’t that hard, because he knew that God comes first. And I work for the Church in INC Media. We both wanted to wait for word whether I could continue my duty in Australia. And if that was the case, then we’d move there. But if not, then Marc would move to San Francisco, where INC Media Headquarters is.  I think it was a difficult conversation, but it was an easy conversation, because we both knew that God came first. I’m very happy that he didn’t make it any harder than it had to be. Marc Afenir: I think that’s the constant in our relationship. It’s your guiding light when you come to some very, very difficult decisions. When you look at mine and Christine’s case, there’s a lot of things that we needed to decide on, you know. I had a career going on here in Sydney. So, do we move to San Francisco, or do we stay here in Sydney, or things like that. Even the wedding, at some point we even decided to have it at San Francisco or even Germany, because our family was all over the world. Like I mentioned before, when you have that guiding light, when you’re both reliant on how God steers you, it makes things easier. Christine Afenir: Oh yeah, the answers are there. Marc Afenir: Yeah, the answers are there for you. You really do have to trust the process. To any ordinary person, this might look difficult, but when you have God on your side, when you put God as the priority, and when you have that trust, then things fall into place. It was remarkable seeing things just fall into place. Myrtle Alegado: So you said when you have that guiding light, everything else, you know, flows and kind of comes easily after that. So how did you put your trust in God with this experience with making your decisions and where you were going to move to and where you were even going to have the wedding? Marc Afenir: Well, most importantly, in order to have that guidance by God, you need to ask God through prayer. Members of the Church Of Christ, we’re encouraged to pray and to have that relationship with God. Just even at the start of our relationship, I suggested to Christine, “Okay, look, there’s just a lot of things that we need to figure out right now. How about we hold devotional prayers together?” So, basically just having those devotional prayers, it’s a challenge for us, because normally you’d be together physically and be inside the place of worship, you know, in a chapel, you’re kneeling down and you’re praying together. But for us, the challenge was that, you know, we’re like,  what 7000 kilometers apart, and there’s also the time zone difference. Myrtle Alegado: And how many hours was that time difference between Sydney and San Francisco? Marc Afenir: So how many hours is that? Like okay so… Christine Afenir: I think seventeen. Marc Afenir: So Christine would be finishing up her workday, and I would be starting mine. So I’d be scrambling to get to work. So yeah, we just had to come up with a schedule that suited us. So one of us would be bleary eyed, you know, waking really early in the morning. Christine Afenir: I lost a lot of sleep at the beginning of our relationship. I think both of us did. Marc Afenir: Yeah, we really wanted to make it work. I think that if we didn’t have these devotional prayers, we’d just be left just trying to figure things out for ourselves, and that would have been extremely difficult. Christine Afenir: We hear about a lot of, like, long distance relationships where they don’t last and a lot of people don’t recommend it. But I think when Marc, early on when we were talking, when he suggested the devotional prayer, I was actually surprised—pleasantly surprised. Like, “Oh, okay!” Because it’s a big commitment, especially for our time difference. But it also let me know, like, he was serious. This wasn’t just, let’s just talk and see where it goes. I think he wanted it to go somewhere. So that was nice. Myrtle Alegado: So Marc I know when we actually chatted previously, we were talking about how similarly your childhood mi

Frontline Essential Workers and Marriage [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: When the world first heard about the global pandemic, I don’t think anyone was prepared for how much it would impact all of our lives. In our last episode, we met Sean and Vanessa, who talked about some of their struggles adapting to being newlyweds while also adjusting to all of the new government and public health restrictions.  Now, imagine being newlyweds living in this time of pandemic and you’re both frontline workers. Today, let’s see how two newlywed frontline essential workers handle all of the pressures and stresses of their jobs.  Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio, that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999.  [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. In March of 2020, more than 3.9 billion people, or half of the world’s population, were asked to stay home by their governments to prevent the spread of the deadly COVID-19 virus. Thousands lost their jobs due to companies closing or establishments reducing hours of operations. But essential workers, most especially frontliners, like healthcare workers, were asked to keep working, even working overtime with increased risk of exposure to COVID-19.  On our episode today, let’s welcome Lou and Ray Klipfel from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Hey there, Klipfels, and thanks for joining us today on Happy Life.  Ray Klipfel: Hi Myrtle.  Lou Klipfel: Hi Myrtle! How are you doing? Thank you so much for having us here. Ray: Yeah, we’re really excited for this.  Myrtle: Oh, we’re glad you took the time to join us today and talk about your experiences. I’m doing well, thanks for asking, and hope you are too.  Lou: Yes, we’re doing really well here. It’s finally getting warmer where we are in Michigan, so we’re excited for that.  Myrtle: Did you do anything interesting today?  Ray: Yeah, we went for a hike over by the beach. Xena needed to get out of the house, so… Lou: Xena is our little puppy, our dog. Myrtle: I was just going to say, for those who don’t know… [laughs] Lou: Yes. [laughs] Myrtle: That’s nice. Like, you know, it’s always nice to be outdoors and to be able to just get that vitamin D from the sunshine. Lou: It’s nice that we are able to spend some time with each other on the weekends so that we can go out and enjoy the outdoors.  Myrtle: Oh absolutely. So, I mentioned you’re both frontline workers. Can you tell us a little bit about what your careers are? So, let’s start with Ray. Ray: So, I’m active duty on the reserves. So you know, a full-time soldier. And, part of what I’ve gotta do is make sure that our equipment is up to par, it’s fully operational so that way in the event that an issue comes up, you know, our equipment is able to help us in completing our mission. The unit that I’m currently in is actually a water purification unit, and we actually got mobilized at the beginning of the COVID pandemic. Luckily, we didn’t have to really go anywhere at that time. But in the event that we are needed, we’re capable of providing thousands of gallons of purified water to the area that we’re deployed to.  Myrtle: Oh wow. So you’re basically, when you were mobilized, you were pretty much at the ready, like ready to go anywhere that you were sent to.  Ray: That’s correct.  Myrtle: Wow. Okay, and around what month was this? I would imagine March or April of last year?  Ray: It was around April last year, and we had mobilization orders to go to two different locations. Myrtle: And how long have you been in the army, Ray?  Ray: This year actually marks 17 years in service.  Myrtle: Oh wow. Ray: So I’ve only got a few more and I’ll be able to hit that 20-year mark.  Myrtle: Oh wow, congratulations! So, let’s go to Lou now. Lou, can you tell us about your career?  Lou: So, I work as a registered nurse. I work in the endoscopy and bronchoscopy unit, and we do a lot of diagnostic and interventional procedures. And we see different kinds of patients every day, even those patients who have tested positive for COVID-19 and all kinds of different diseases. Myrtle: Wow, yeah it deals with the lungs, correct, your area?  Lou: Yes, exactly. Myrtle: So, let me share this information with you both. A study revealed that healthcare and frontline workers experienced greater psychological stress than individuals in the general public. Factors include a high workload, poor sleep quality, poor health perception, and low perception of infection avoidance. Healthcare workers experience anxiety and stress. Ray and Lou, I’m sure you can relate to a couple of those. What are the things that you worry about or cause you some stress about your jobs? Ray: So for myself, so we’re supposed to work about 8 hours a day, but I’m generally working anywhere from 8 to 16 hours a day. And for me, where that causes stress is the fact that I’m working on trying to get a unit fixed on the maintenance side and reestablish a maintenance program that has been absent for a bit of time. And working on getting soldiers, taking care of getting the equipment fixed and serviced. So that way in the event that we do need to get mobilized, then our equipment is ready.  But then on top of that, because I’ve got those stressors and I’m taking that much time and putting it towards work, that is precious time that I’m actually taking away from family. And so, that’s the biggest stress for me because it’s such a big responsibility, and then I’m trying to find that balance between my personal life and my work life. So that way, I can spend time with my family. Myrtle: And do you also have to go to training or anything like that?  Ray: Yes, that’s also something else that we’re doing right now is we’re preparing for our annual training, which is going to actually pull me away from home for approximately a whole month. So there’s a bunch of aspects that we have to put together so that way Lou is able to be self-sufficient while I’m not here, because everything here in Michigan is pretty much new to her. She’s only been actually living here for the last five months. So, it’s a big juggle between work and personal life. And then on top of that, every month, I’ve actually got [a] battle assembly where it’s the entire weekend that is actually taken away from home because I have to be at work, I have to show up early in the morning. And when I do go to battle assembly, there’s always that possibility that I get exposed to COVID-19 from soldiers that are not typically there at the unit. And so we aren’t always able to, you know, keep an eye on the soldiers and make sure that they’re up to par with their vaccinations or their screenings and things like that. So, when they come in, all they do is they give a verbal screening and that’s about it, along with a temperature check.  Myrtle:  Yeah, so that’s where you’re worried about the possible risk of exposure to, you know, COVID-19, right? If they’re out and about and then coming into your unit, now I get it, yeah. Understandable that that would be stressful. So, we’re going to switch gears now and go to Lou. So how about you, Lou? I’m sure as a nurse, there’s a lot that you have to think about or worry about. Lou: Yeah, so every day is different at work. There’s always something different. When you come in for work, you don’t really know what to expect. So for me, I see all kinds of people. And, you never really know what kind of exposure you’ll get during that day, what kind of illness a particular patient may have. A patient could have COVID-19 or any other infectious diseases. And it is stressful because it’s not an easy job. Not only is it, like, mentally stressful, but it’s also very physically demanding. So, those are the kinds of things that I typically worry about when it comes to doing this kind of job.  Myrtle: Absolutely. You know, we don’t give, I think, frontline essential workers enough credit and especially nurses, what you have to, kind of, encounter day in and day out. So you know, I applaud you. Personally, I thank you for all of your hard work. Lou: Thank you.  Myrtle: So you both have your individual worries in your own jobs. Now you’re married to a frontliner. So, what do you worry about for each other?  Ray: So, for myself, I worry about Lou when she goes to work because you know, especially when we first started talking, because she actually worked in an isolation ward, and she was in contact with really… Lou: Infectious. Ray: Infectious diseases.  Lou: Yeah.  Ray: So you know, she would go to work, she’d have to make sure she gowned up properly and take all the proper precautions, because otherwise she would be in jeopardy of actually getting these diseases. And then on top of that, you know, when she would drive to and from work, during that drive.  And then of course, the stresses of her job. You know, I was like, I would always need to make sure that I’m here for her to be able to vent and to talk about her day, because that helps her to de-stress some. And then like right now, I’ve been driving her to work and so I’m having to drive all over the city just so that way I can get her to work, and then I can get to work, and then I try to make sure I get off at the right time so I can get back to her location to pick her up and get her home. So that way, we can go ahead and have our dinner and talk about our day and whatnot. It’s a bit stressful.  Myrtle: So Lou, what did you worry about with Ray, or what do you worry about still?  Lou: So when I first started dating Ray, actually, I didn’t know anything about the military life. So that was one of my worries. There’s a lot of things that were unknown to me, that were new to me. And like the chance that he may possibly get deployed really worries me. Or like, for example, he mentioned earlier that he will be going away for about a month for his annual

[Show opens] [Music starts] Myrtle Alegado: When the world first heard about COVID-19 and countries started enforcing lockdowns, I don’t think anyone foresaw that we would still be in the same situation in 2021. Back in March of 2020, personally, I was one of the individuals who kept asking, “How bad could this be? It’s only like the flu, right?” How wrong I was! It was only after hearing of people that I personally knew becoming ill and even passing away, that I was jolted to awareness. Now, imagine being a newlywed, already just trying to get used to married life, but now you’re doing that in the middle of a global pandemic. We’ll talk about that today.  Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. [Show jingle/catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: In January of 2020, the World Health Organization or WHO began looking into a cluster of reported pneumonia cases in Wuhan, China. On January 31st, 2020, the Emergency Committee or EC advised the WHO Director-General that “the outbreak constituted a Public Health Emergency of international concern.” And on February 11th, this new coronavirus was given a name: COVID-19. One month later, on March 11th, the outbreak was declared a pandemic. Life, as we knew it, changed drastically. Today, let’s welcome Sean and Vanessa from Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. They’ve been married since September of 2020. Hey there, Vanessa and Sean! We’re so glad you’re here with us today. How are you and things on the island? Sean Condie: Hi, Myrtle. Things are good here, [I] can’t complain too much. But you know, it’s been the same for the past year. Myrtle: True! At least we kind of had nice weather today, at least we did here. Was it nice there today?  Sean: It was, yeah. I would say it’s been pretty nice.  Vanessa Condie: I think we got a couple of weeks where we had, like, really hot weather in April, which was surprising. So that was good, we had like summer weather.  Myrtle: I agree! It was like, “summer is here, yes!” and then it started to rain again. Vanessa: Yes. [laughs] Exactly, like the time the weather changed so much, drastically.  Myrtle: Well, for our listeners out there, Victoria is an hour and a half ferry ride away from mainland British Columbia. And honestly, it’s one of the most quaint and picturesque cities in Canada, in my humble opinion.  Sean and Vanessa, I mentioned how I was completely unprepared for what we faced last year, when we first heard about the worldwide pandemic. Can you share what your initial reactions and thoughts were?  Sean: I’m going to be honest, I was kind of in the same boat as you.   Myrtle: Right?  Sean: I didn’t actually take it as seriously as I thought it should have been taken seriously. But I guess here we are now, so it goes to show what I know. Vanessa: Yeah, that’s exactly like me. In the beginning, it didn’t hit me as much. I was still going to work. And then when things started to shut down, and we started to get, like, know people that have had it, we were like, “Oh, this is really serious.” Myrtle: And a year later, and to be honest, it’s almost like it hasn’t sunk in that this is our reality, you know? So here in British Columbia, let me just read what the current restrictions are at the time of this recording.  According to www2.gov.bc.ca, as of April 2021 the update is “The PHO (provincial health officer) has amended the gathering and events order. And now up to 10 people can gather outdoors. For example, in a park or a beach, or in a backyard residence. But for now, we’re not allowed to have indoor gatherings of any kind.  So, it looks like you can gather with a small group of up to 10 people but, like I said, only outdoors for now. And we are advised to stick to the same group of people, and to continue to be cautious, and wear our masks, and keep a safe distance. So, Sean and Vanessa, how has the pandemic affected your day-to-day lives as newlyweds? Vanessa: So me and Sean love traveling. We actually can’t, I guess, do a big honeymoon that we planned to. And so we haven’t had any holidays, so that’s affected us.  Myrtle: Aww, not even a honeymoon. Yeah, I didn’t even realize.  Sean: I mean, because we got married in September, the restrictions weren’t as strict as they are now. So we were able to go to Whistler, but our plan was the Maldives.  Myrtle: That’s a little bit of a difference, yeah. Whistler versus Maldives. Sean: Slightly, yeah. Vanessa: And we love to eat. So, like, eating out at restaurants is different. Well, we take takeaway now. I mean, obviously [we] stay home a lot more, a lot less step count now.  Myrtle: Yeah. Vanessa: So, hitting that 10,000 steps is a big win if we actually do that once a week.  Sean: We also both work from home so that doesn’t help the step count at all.  Myrtle: I guess walking around your living room is not going to cut it either, huh.  Sean: No, definitely not, but we’re making do. You know, getting a little rounder and you know, healthier, let’s say.  Myrtle: More to love as I say. Vanessa: True.  Myrtle: What else do you do at home for leisure time? You know, you said that you both work from home, so do you also get to speak with family and friends via video conferencing or anything like that?  Vanessa: Yes, we definitely use Zoom and WebEx more, oh and Facebook Messenger. I contact my parents with that and our friends via all these social media platforms. And definitely, we’ve increased our usage on Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney Plus. It’s been like our best friends at the moment.  Myrtle: I completely agree with you. I don’t think any of us realize how much just, you know, eating out at restaurants or going for a stroll with friends outside, that we took for granted. So, you know, what have you found most challenging with the lockdowns and quarantines when it comes to your marriage?  Vanessa: I think, well for me, I’m more of, like, a social person. So it was harder for me, because I don’t get to speak to people and, like, meet up with people. But I think it hasn’t been as hard for Sean, because he’s more of a homebody. So, he likes being at home and playing his games.  Myrtle: Let me read something interesting we found on healthlinkbc.ca. “Being ‘stuck at home,’ cabin fever can set in. You may feel trapped, bored, and irritable, and cabin fever is no joke. It can lead to depression or self-harm. If you live with others, it may cause you to lash out at them.” Vanessa and Sean, can you maybe rate on a scale of 1 to 10 how cabin fever has affected both of you?  Sean: I think for myself, for cabin fever, I’d probably rate myself a 5 out of 10. I generally always liked being at home. I’ve always been kind of a homebody, but in general I do miss going to an office and like interacting with people at work and even at church. But we kind of mitigate that by going for walks on like a daily basis, or a drive just to, you know, ease the restlessness. And we’ve also kind of broken up our week. So, during the week we’d go for a walk or a drive, we’d go to the grocery store on a certain day, we’d have online worship services on Wednesday evenings, and then like, let’s say, on Friday we’d go to the beach, you get some takeout and go for a walk.   Vanessa: I’m more so, like, it has hit me more. So, I would say like around a 7 out of 10. Especially when I have deadlines at work and it becomes really busy, I’m basically at my desk, or at one point at home, like constantly just the same place, the same spot. So it has made me a bit more, like, irritable, a bit more stressed, because I can’t have that home life and work life separation. Myrtle: Right.  Vanessa: And I guess the more stressed I get, the more anxious I get. And then I don’t get to go outdoors, so it gets me less motivated, and the lack of interaction with people also gets me a bit more stressed. But, what actually has helped is definitely like the worship services. It gives me peace when I attend, so I love that. Even if I’m busy at work, I will set time to attend worship service, and that definitely has given me more peace.  Myrtle: Do you think being in lockdown together has affected how you communicate, and did that maybe result in more arguments? Sean: In all honesty, I don’t believe it actually resulted in any more arguments. We’re with each other literally 24/7. We work in the house, but she has her own office space. I just use the living room. And even then, you know, we’ll be talking to each other throughout the day. So, we kind of got to know each other’s quirks, especially as newlyweds.  Vanessa: I think it has given us more time to communicate with each other. Whereas, because we spend this much time together, we get to talk to each other a lot more than we would usually. And I don’t think we’ve had any more arguments than like any newlyweds. We’re still getting used to living with each other. If we do have arguments, we normally say what bothers us. Sean: It’s resolved right away.  Myrtle: For those of you who may be listening to this podcast for the first time, and if you’re presently experiencing some sort of cabin fever with your spouse, please give our previous episodes a listen. In episodes 1 through 5, we discuss topics like making adjustments, expectations, making decisions, and even disagreements.  So now, back to Sean and Vanessa. Has there been anything else that has significantly stressed you out in your first months of marriage, you know, especially as we deal with this pandemic?  Sean: I think for the both of us, the biggest, I guess, stress factor, well right before the pandemic, was the both of us moved to Canada from the UK. So, at least for Vanessa, it was a new country. And then we were basically at the process of looking for new jobs and basically planning for our wedding.

Planning a Wedding During COVID-19 [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: Worry, pressure, and stress. Lots of stress. A staggering 96% of couples admit to feeling this emotion while planning their wedding according to a study of 500 newlywed or engaged to be wed couples published on brides.com. These numbers are even more telling – “40% of couples categorized wedding planning as “extremely stressful” while 71% thought it was more nerve-wracking than other major life events like finding a new job.” Now, that article was published before COVID-19. Today, we’re going to look at what planning a wedding was like for one newlywed couple I had a chance to chat with who got married during the global pandemic. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INCMedia that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. [INTRO MUSIC & CATCHPHRASE] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: Planning every detail of your big day really does take a lot of work. The happy couple has to decide on things like guest lists, decor, and even the reception venue.  When you add a global pandemic into the equation of wedding planning, you’ve got a whole new set of unexpected hurdles. Let’s welcome our newlyweds for today’s topic, Kara and Alvin, from Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada. Hi Kara and Alvin! We’re so happy you’re here with us today. Kara Pascual: Hello, Myrtle. Thank you so much for having us today on Happy Life. And Alvin and I are so grateful to take part in this topic, which is very timely for us. Right, Alvin? Alvin Pascual: Yeah, but definitely quite nervous. Myrtle: Aww, no need to be nervous. So how have you two been, you know, aside from the nervousness? Kara: Well, of course we also gained weight as part of marriage. Myrtle: Oh, I think that’s part of the COVID-10 or COVID-15 people say. Kara: COVID-15! Myrtle: Everybody’s  putting on 10 or 15 pounds. Can you explain where St. John is and what it’s like there? Kara: So, St. John is in the province of New Brunswick, which is part of the 10 provinces here in Canada. And we’re also part of the Atlantic provinces in the eastern part of the country. Myrtle: And I had to actually Google Map it and even though I’m Canadian, and I’ve lived here all my life, I had to refresh my memory. I believe it’s also between Quebec and Nova Scotia and then just a little bit north of Maine, correct? Alvin: That’s correct. So it’s actually two hours away from the US border which is the State of Maine. Myrtle: Okay so, Kara and Alvin, you’ve been married since August of 2020, correct? Kara: Yep. Myrtle: And that wasn’t originally supposed to be your wedding date though right, so can you share the story on that? Alvin: I proposed to Kara in May 2018 in Niagara Falls, Ontario. So, that was actually the happiest moment of my life at that point. We encountered a lot of challenges along the way, especially we have differing personalities. I am an introvert and Kara is an extrovert. So, a lot of challenges personally, within our internal selves, and together as a couple, as we’re going through the relationship. We encountered that after the proposal. So, we decided to call off the wedding and eventually had to separate, because we realized that we needed to grow as individuals, before we can go together. Myrtle: And you know that actually makes a lot of sense, because there’s a saying I heard a while back that went something like ‘before you could stand together, you had to stand alone.’ So, what you said, growing as individuals, I’m sure that now has helped you together as a couple. So, after experiencing all of that, you know, having the proposal, being engaged, then calling off the wedding, the roller coaster of ups and downs, what was it like for you to finally be able to plan the wedding together? Kara: Actually, Myrtle, we were so excited, because we will finally get to restart the planning of our wedding. Myrtle: Right. Kara: But then we are [in] a long distance relationship, because I live in St. John here in New Brunswick, and he was in Surrey, British Columbia, at that time. So Surrey is, I think it’s in the Metro Vancouver [area]— Myrtle: Right. Kara: —as far as I know, and St. John is near the Bay of Fundy. So, I am beside the waters. Myrtle: So, literally you’re [on] other sides of the country. Kara: Yeah, other sides, west and east. Myrtle: You’re that far apart in distance, different time zones, so how did you stay organized and on track with all your wedding planning. Kara: Well, Alvin is the techie type of person, and he’s really organized. I guess it’s because of his job. So, he created a Google spreadsheet for us to keep everything on track, to see our progress, to see what we’ve missed, and we always check it every month, and then it goes to every week. And I am really happy even though that we are both far away from each other. I am really thankful that Alvin’s family is very supportive, because I only have them as my family since my parents, my siblings, are in the Philippines. I know it’s very unfortunate that they are far away from me, but they still give support by giving me advice on how to do the wedding, even though we’re far away from each other. Myrtle: That’s really great. And actually the spreadsheet is a great idea to stay organized, so good job, Alvin. Alvin: Thank you. Myrtle: And we heard, you know almost all couples admit to feeling stress during wedding planning. What were your stress levels like, you know, especially since you were planning your wedding during a global pandemic and you have the distance as well to handle? Alvin: So, I’m not really the type of person that stresses too much. Because I realized that in order to get this wedding planning to work is if one person is easily stressed out, the other person needs to be calm and be able to think things through. That’s why I was able to be organized and bring solutions like using a spreadsheet to see the progress, things like that. So, that helped me to reduce my stress. Kara: Well it’s very opposite for me, because I am 110% stressed at that time. Myrtle: Oh. Kara: Well, I think it’s because I’m far from Alvin and from a family. It’s really hard to interact with one another if you’re far away. It’s different when you can see each other. You can talk to each other right away. And there’s a lot of restrictions when COVID-19 started in early 2020. All of us are so nervous because flights got suspended. Actually here in St. John, in the whole province of New Brunswick actually, they suspended the whole flights so there’s no airports open [at] that time. Myrtle: Oh. Kara: Yes, everything is closed. Even the stores are closed. So while I was searching for a gown, I couldn’t find the perfect gown for me, because I don’t really like looking online. Because what if I receive it and then I have to alter it because it’s too small for me or it’s too big for me. And stores are closed so I don’t have a way to alter the dress, and it’s really hard to make decorations. And the worst thing is, we really don’t know if the wedding will be pushed through because of this pandemic, Myrtle: And I think initially when we spoke, you had hoped to get married earlier in 2020, not in August, right? Kara: Yes. Myrtle: But then like you said the pandemic hit. And so in addition to the wedding date, what other changes did you kind of have to accept and deal with because of, you know, pandemic and lockdown and everything? Alvin: So, the toughest thing was that Kara’s family could not make it to the wedding because of the government restrictions. We really wish we could have changed that, because it would be very valuable for their family to witness the wedding ceremony in itself. Kara: And to add to that, my family’s not members of the Church Of Christ, and I really would want them to witness how the wedding is done inside the Church, and how solemn it is. Because I also wanted them to be part of this Church. Myrtle: And you said that there were a lot of government restrictions as well, right? Did you have to do a lot of research when it came to that, such as how many people were allowed to gather, and how did that affect your guest list? Kara: Well, yes I actually checked the government restrictions, every month and then every week, because I find that they change the rules, very often. So, at first, the maximum capacity indoors in British Columbia is 50 guests or 50 people. And then they lowered it to 25. It’s really hard to determine who will be in the chapel, because we also have people who are dear to us that we want to be with on our wedding day. But then, we couldn’t because we have to follow those restrictions. But of course, people can’t travel anyway, so we are thankful to the Church Administration, because they approved us having a video streaming for them so they can attend to our wedding, even though it’s virtually. And to my surprise, to our surprise, a lot of them were able to connect. More of them were able to witness the wedding, than going to British Columbia personally to see the wedding. So I’m happy with that because we were able to share our very special day to our dear loved ones and friends. Myrtle: Oh yes, definitely. And that’s pretty incredible that a lot of people, a lot of your guests, were able to actually watch it even though, like you said, it was virtually. But just having them there, I’m sure, was something that you will remember. So here’s an interesting statistic I’d like to share with you. Zola surveyed over 2000 couples with weddings from March 2020 and December 2022. Most of them were originally scheduled to get married in 2020 and found that COVID-19 has changed the way that almost all of them are thinking, feeling and planning. You know, with having to decide how to handle the guest list, based on restrictions in each city or province, or how to implement safety p

Effective Communication in Marriage: Being Present [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: Do any of you remember what your lives were like before smartphones? Think about those times when, you know, you’d actually have to go into a restaurant and try their burger or wings to see if the food was any good, instead of just going online, reading the reviews and maybe not even giving that restaurant a chance. Who remembers having to actually use a phone book and a landline phone? It didn’t use to be a world full of smartphones. Technology has changed our way of life. It has made a lot of tasks easier and it definitely has saved us a lot of time. But, have all the impacts of modern technology and smartphones been positive? And how have these changes affected married life? Are there times when technology might actually take away your time and attention from your spouse? This leads us to our episode today which we decided to call, “Being Present” So let’s get things going, as we continue our series on Effective Communication in Marriage. Welcome to Happy Life. This podcast brought to you by INCMedia aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. [Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive.. You’re listening to ‘Happy Life’ [Music ends] Myrtle: “The smartphone has changed our lives for the better in some ways, but it definitely has its drawbacks, too,” says businessinsider.com Dr. Suzana E. Flores, clinical psychologist and author of “Facehooked: How Facebook Affects Our Emotions, Relationships, and Lives,” agrees that smartphones are useful, but can also cause friction in our lives. In many households, at the dinner table or at bedtime are definitely occasions when you can share your thoughts with your spouse, catch up on how your day went, or just chat casually about anything under the sun. But during those moments, are we 100% present with our spouse? Meaning, are we being as attentive as we ought to be when our spouse is communicating with us? According to usu.edu, a study done in 2019 shows that: 45% consider technology a big problem in their marriage. 43% report that their spouse uses technology in bed every night or almost every night. 55% feel like their spouse/partner spends too much time on their cell phone. Let’s talk about how we can be physically, mentally and emotionally present for our spouse. Here with us today are Vic and Janelle from Burlingame, CA. Our newlyweds have been married since August of 2020. Welcome to Happy Life, Vic and Janelle! How have you two been? Vic Laguisma: Hi! Janelle Laguisma: Hi! We’ve been good. How are you? Myrtle: You know, hanging in there, hanging in. Thanks for asking.So, it was mentioned that technology can cause problems in marriage. One example is when one feels like the other may be spending too much time on their phone.  Is this something you’ve noticed in your marriage? And If so, how often does it happen? Janelle: Yes, definitely. I think I am very guilty of spending too much time on my phone just because everything’s on there. And I love planning, so for the weekend I want to plan on where are we going to eat, what are we going to do, where to get the car oil changed, like everything. I’m always researching and looking things up, what’s next or where can we get the least expensive piece of furniture. You know, it’s just a lot of that. Vic: I mean, I’m just happy that it’s a productive thing, you know? And it’s not a cat playing a piano or anything like that. Sometimes I’ll catch her, you know, she’ll be answering me when I talk to her, but I’ll repeat my question but in a louder voice, with like a smirk on my face. But both of us, we kind of call each other out on it too because sometimes it’ll cut into our quality time. Myrtle: Well, knowing is half the battle right? So, you know, when your quality time is cut, what impact does that have on your relationship? Vic: Like emotionally and physically present. I personally enjoy, like, face-to-face talks. It’s always important to stay connected with each other. Janelle: Definitely. So, it gets kind of tough but sometimes if I’m on my phone I’ll go on Instagram and send him, like, a cute picture or something. Just to kind of include him in my research on my phone. You know, just so he’s not completely left out. But it’s nice just to be together. For me, you know, it’s just nice to have his presence and not be a thousand miles away or anything. Vic: Oh my gosh. Long distance. Myrtle: Oh that’s right, yes. You were in a long distance relationship. I forgot, yeah. So how, you know, being in a long distance relationship before, quality time must be important to your marriage. What does it mean to you to spend quality time together? Vic:  It’s very important. You know, like especially preparing for a family. You know, we have busy schedules and we only get to see each other, gosh, like a couple of hours a day, you know? From the time we wake up to the time we have to already get ready for bed—having dinner and getting ready for bed. But you know we allot the weekend for our quality time. We just actually had a Buklod GMM— Myrtle: Oh, and GMM, that’s the general monthly meeting of the Buklod, which are the married members inside the Church Of Christ. Vic: —where they actually say advice to go out on little dates. We pretty much do that on the weekends. Sometimes we’ll do that on a weekday depending on, like, how the day goes, you know. If the sun is out and if we need ice cream. If there’s any little stress, there’s a need for ice cream. Myrtle: [laughs] There’s always a need for ice cream. So Janelle, you said you enjoy your chats too and your quality time? Do you always prefer to, you know, just speak face-to-face? Janelle: Most of the time, but, like, if there are times when we’re extra stressed or emotional, sometimes it’s easier for me to write out how I feel rather than just say it out loud. Because sometimes when you say things out loud—when you’re, like, angry or at a high emotional state—you say things that you don’t mean. So a lot of times it’s easier, like, “I’m going to text this to you.” Give me a second, and like let me text this to you because I can’t talk right now. I’m going to say something I don’t mean. And so it took a while for Vic to understand that, because he can really say what he feels verbally. But for me, I’m like, “no, I need to gather how I feel,” and then write it down and maybe send it to you through a text, even if we’re right next to each other. Like it happened when we were long distance, and you know, now that we’re together, like, it’s something that I’m still working on because it’s something that’s difficult for me. So, that’s something that’s just, it’s kind of funny. But other than that, you know, it’s a lot of fun just being together. Vic: Yeah. Myrtle: Well, expressing your thoughts verbally can be more intimate than other methods of communication, but are there other ways that can help? According to washingtonpost.com, “Texting can and should be a positive force in people’s lives, both in terms of emotional and physical health, they say — so long as it’s used correctly.” But they did warn us not to use texting to avoid difficult face-to-face interactions. “Don’t let it turn you away from the necessary vulnerability you need to feel in relationships,” Turkle said. “Is texting keeping me away from a necessary conversation? If not, enjoy.” So, Janelle & Vic, how do you use things like messaging or texting to benefit your relationship? Vic: When we were dating still, and early on in the relationship, we would always just text each other or DM (direct message) on Instagram. But I was always under my anxiety when she wouldn’t respond right away. Like I’m on the edge of my seat like when I ask her a question, you know, because we’ll have straight conversations and then all of a sudden I’ll hit this question and I wouldn’t be answered and I’m just like “What?” Myrtle: It’s like, “where did she go?” [laughs] Janelle: [laughs] Vic: I used to always get mad. You don’t do that in a conversation with somebody face-to-face. Like you know, where we’re talking to each other and I ask you a question and you just don’t answer. But then again, that’s like texting. What I learned is you can’t really judge the conversations on texts that you have in real life, you know, or face-to-face. Myrtle: For sure, especially if something comes up right? Vic: Yeah. Myrtle: And you get interrupted, and you intend to reply, but sometimes other things grab your attention. Is that kind of what happened, Janelle?  Janelle: Yeah, that’s pretty much how it is, and I had to explain to him when you’re long distance, the reason why you text is because you’re not available to talk. If you want an answer right away, then let’s have a phone conversation or FaceTime. And so, that was a lot to understand when we were long distance, because I’m so used to if you’re texting, that means you’re not available to talk. If you’re talking, you don’t just hang up and ghost each other on the phone or just stop talking all of a sudden.  Vic: I learned that. I learned that you have work to do— Janelle: Yeah. Vic: —when you’re at work. Myrtle: Really? Wow, what a concept! [laughs] Janelle: [laughs] Vic: When you’re at lunch with somebody, you’re talking to them and not me. Janelle: Yeah. [laughs] Vic: Oh my goodness. I was such a kid, you know. Myrtle: But now that you’re married, you know, you live in the same city, I’m assuming now, yes? Both: Yeah [laughs] Myrtle: So you still text each other during the day? Janelle: We do. Vic: Oh of course, yeah. Janelle: Yeah, usually now it’s just during breaks and lunchtime. And he would send me pictures or, you know, random things throughout the day and vice versa, just to keep in touch. I mean, we’re only like 8 hours away from each other during the day. Vic: But it’s like this world that we have togethe

Communication in Marriage: Disagreements [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado (host): Disagreements, quarrels, little arguments, or squabbles, these are all terms people use when there’s some conflict. And in marriage, some may say that little disputes or disagreements can be healthy, and even help you learn more about your spouse. But conflict that recurs or lingers over an extended period of time could have negative consequences on married life. And let’s talk about that today. Welcome to Happy Life. This new podcast, brought to you by INCMedia, helps newlyweds navigate through the first months and years of marriage to remind us all that marriage is a blessing. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. [Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: On the website psychologytoday.com, they mentioned something called the Romantic Relationships Scale, and there are 30 items that cover the sources of disagreements in romantic relationships. Some of them included: not showing enough love or affection, lack of communication, one not paying enough attention to the other, and not being appreciated, things that deal with chores and responsibilities like housekeeping, and other tasks at home and who does more work. And finally, these items such as goals in life, future plans, children, who should pay for something, or if one uses all the other’s money. And to share their thoughts on disagreements in marriage, we have Martin and Erica, who are newlyweds from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. They got married [in] October of 2019. Hi Zerrudos! How are you two doing? Martin Zerrudo: Hi! Erica Zerrudo: Hi! Martin: Thanks for having us. Myrtle: How are you today? Erica: We’re doing well, doing well. Thank you for asking. Martin: [laughs] Excited to be part of this show. Thank you for having us. Myrtle: From the list that I just read to you, can you relate to one of those reasons for disagreements or a few or maybe all of them? Erica: [laughs] Well, I think definitely at first, you know, you’re adjusting to each other. So, definitely the lack of communication and maybe one not paying enough attention to the other, and you know, not showing enough love or affection when the other person needs it, definitely. Martin: Yeah, I think because we were long distance, right, you can really show affection just through the phone or through a video call or you know, sending each other care packages. But once we were married, you know, very much excited to be in love and to be with each other physically, but we were still trying to kind of figure out, like you know, when you’re on the same flow in terms of when is the right time to show affection—does somebody need more, does somebody need less? And you’re kind of just learning that as you go along, because you know, we didn’t have the ability to kind of figure that out because we were long-distance. So I think, definitely that. We’re working from home during the pandemic and it just so happens that the pandemic was the same time as the first year of our marriage. Erica [laughs] Myrtle: Right, yeah. Martin: And so we got to spend the time together physically because we had to stay at home, but at the same time, I’m working from home so it didn’t necessarily allow me to give the focused attention that I could have even if we were in the same space for a long time. Myrtle: Yeah, definitely. Everybody’s busy these days with, you know, multitasking. And you did mention you were both in a long distance relationship prior to marriage. So, what do you wish you had known about facing disagreements together before saying your “I dos?” Erica: You want to take this one? Martin: [laughs] Myrtle: [laughs] You’re both pointing fingers at each other? Erica: Yeah! [laughs] Martin: Yeah, no, pointing smiles at each other. Who wants to take this one? No, you take it, honey. No… So for a long distance, yeah, obviously, the only way that that’s going to survive—outside of prayer and having faith that you’re meant to be—is communication. And, you know, just to be quite frank, like, we’re 9 years apart, and so Erica is in her early 20s and I’m in my early 30s, and so we’re at different stages in life. And so, the things that we’re going through from day to day, whether it be work or duties or responsibilities, they’re different. And so we had to adapt to that and be mindful of that, knowing that, you know, there are certain things that she has to do at this stage in her life, there are certain things that I have to do at my stage in life. And if we wanted to make the relationship work, we just have to be conscious and aware of that so that we can communicate effectively, you know? Myrtle: Right. Martin: Her hour or window of opportunity to communicate may not always be the same for me, and vice versa, just because we have different responsibilities and lifestyles. So, definitely, that was one of the challenges and areas of disagreement, is finding those windows where we’re, we’re both available to give quality time for each other. Erica: [agrees] I feel like it’s also, mistakes are for learning, kind of deal. You try and bring up a problem or you know, just something that’s been on your mind. And you see if this is a good timing, oh it’s not a good timing. You gotta read what’s his headspace, what his day was like. Okay, maybe he likes it, when we’re both sitting down, when we’re both calm, when we both don’t have a lot on our schedule anymore, then I can bring it up and we can have as much time as we need for this conversation to happen. Myrtle: You know, what Martin said, a few of our other couples have said, you know, our spouse isn’t a mind-reader. So adjusting to, you know, the little nuances of how the other person may kind of, react to certain things or scenarios and even words, that was probably a big thing, in terms of adjusting to each other. But can I also ask you, you said you finally moved in together during the pandemic and you had to go through those adjustments. So Erica, can you talk a little bit about what that situation was like? Erica: Yes. So when we first got married, when I first arrived to Canada, at the time Martin was living with his parents, so we adjusted, like, living into his room which at the time was a twin bed, it was— Myrtle: Oh [laughs] Erica: —a cute little closet, yeah. And so… [laughs] Moving in with my, you know, suitcases and luggages, we were like “Oh man, where are we going to put everything?” Martin: Can I just pause? So, we live in Toronto. In Toronto, you know, it’s a metropolis. We live in a townhouse, multiple levels. So, Toronto is all about, like dense, compact living, right? Myrtle: Right. Martin: And Erica is from the South. She’s from Atlanta and her house is a little bit off into the suburbs. So she’s got a, you know she grew up, at least when she was in Atlanta, in this huge property, huge backyard. Erica: It’s not huge. Martin: I mean, for her it’s not huge, but in comparison to a townhouse in Toronto, it’s, like, gigantic. And so, like, her bedroom has a queen bed, she has her own walk-in closet, she has her own bathroom, and that’s the norm. It’s not like she’s wealthy or anything, Myrtle: Oh, wow. Martin: But that’s just the norm in the community in the area where she lives, where it’s just massive properties and houses. Whereas here in Toronto, the norm is, yeah, we’re either all in buildings or in townhouses. It’s very densely populated. So you can imagine her adjustment like, “Hey, thanks for marrying me. Let’s live in this box.” Erica: [laughs] Myrtle: [laughs] Although I’m sure she was, you know, very grateful that your parents allowed you to both move in there and get your start in life. Erica: Absolutely. Especially, you know, financially. So, they’re very understanding, and we’re very grateful for that. They always tell us, all the time, “Hey, if you want to like come over,” or “Here’s some food to help you guys out a little bit.” They’re always sweet to us, so we’re always thankful for that. They tried their best, you know, helping me to adapt to a new city, new life, marriage. Martin: (faintly) Winter. Erica: Yeah, winter in the quarantine,- Myrtle: [laughs] Winter. Erica: –which no one’s gone through before. So yeah, just, you had to adapt to, not only, your husband, but his parents, to his siblings and also his sibling’s wife, so the in-laws as well. So, it was pretty packed in the house, but you adjust to each other’s scheduling and where to navigate yourself in the house and how each other, like, how they like to clean… yeah. Myrtle: So during that time, you know, when you were together and you had disagreements, how did you adjust to each other and how did you handle them? Martin: I think, I mean one of the challenges is, you know, we’re in a bedroom but not necessarily the most private in terms of like other people in the home. You don’t want to argue in front of other people but sometimes you’re upset at each other and you’re standing in the kitchen. Like, what do we do? Myrtle: Right, yeah. Martin: You’re upset with each other, but you’re in the living room and somebody’s trying to watch TV, like it’s pretty awkward. I remember the late Brother Rod Bruno, we were actually recording an episode of Heart and Soul, and he gave me this example. He goes, “It doesn’t really matter if the wife is right or if the husband is right, because the point is, in principle—the point is peace.” Myrtle: Right. Martin: And so, when it came to those small disagreements that we would have, in the first year of our marriage, in the shared townhome with my family, we really had to focus on that. Okay, you did something, I got upset. I did something, you got upset. But the point is, not who’s right or wrong, but peace. And that’s really how we were able to get through it, was with that mindset. Myrtle: That’s a great mindset, and you know, with the pandemic going on and so much happening, there

Communication in Marriage: Decision Making [Show opens] Sis. Myrtle Alegado (Host): When your alarm goes off, you wake up and think about whether or not you should press that snooze button, right? Multiple times, every day, we make decisions. They could be small or inconsequential, and then there are those major ones that could be life-changing. On the website www.goroberts.edu, it states that an adult makes about 35,000 remotely conscious decisions each day. And as surprising as it may sound, as a matter of fact, we make 226.7 decisions each day on just food alone, according to researchers at Cornell University. For me, I start my day by choosing between maybe a coffee or cappuccino, and whether or not I’ll have toast or cereal, or if I’m actually going to eat breakfast at all. Now, those are just some examples of the small decisions we make on our own. What about when we get married and have to make decisions with our spouse— especially big decisions? Could it be that much different? How should married couples go about making decisions? Welcome to Happy Life, the newest podcast brought to you by INCMedia that helps newlyweds navigate through the first months of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since May of 1999. [Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: According to www.tonyrobbins.com, in an article contributed by David Hilton of Life Marriage Retreats: In a relationship, the number of decisions we make on our own may decrease significantly, not because every decision must be made together, but we now consider the impact of our choices on the other person. Now, why is it so important that we give great care to the choices we make as a married couple? In an article “Decision-Making In Marriage” written by Dr. David Isaacs on www.familylifeinstitutes.org, it is usually said that bad decision-making is one of the leading causes of problems in matrimony. As part of our ‘Effective Communication in Marriage’ series, in this episode we’ll learn about decision-making as a newlywed couple. And to share with us their experiences as a married couple for three years now, here with us today from Calgary, Alberta, Canada are Patrick and Zandrhea De Guzman. Welcome to Happy Life, Patrick and Zandrhea! How are you both today? Zandrhea De Guzman: Hi everyone! It’s so great to be here. Patrick De Guzman: Hey, we’re doing good! Myrtle: Good to hear! We’re happy to have you here. So, it’s normal and common for newlyweds to face a lot of firsts, new beginnings, different opportunities, and big decisions as a couple. So, Pat and Zandy, can you share with us some examples of major decisions you’ve made together, and how you went about them? Patrick: Sure, I could start with our wedding. I guess that probably was our first big decision that we had to make. Knowing that we wanted to pay for our wedding ourselves, you know, we had to make cuts, right? And so, some of the things we were considering were how many people could we invite, what is our budget. As grand of a wedding we wanted, we also wanted to make sure that it’s within our budget. So, I want to say, yeah, maybe the wedding planning alone. Also, really, where do we choose where to live? Zandrhea: Definitely, yeah. That was one of the big ones. I mean, I guess from my end, both of us, we’re both working so it would be possibly our careers, what we want to do in life—if that affects either of us—what we think of, our dreams, our aspirations when it comes to our careers. So that’s… Yeah, those were big ones for us. Myrtle: Can you share with us what your careers are currently? Zandrhea: I’m currently a legal assistant at a law firm. Patrick: And I’m a multimedia developer. Myrtle: And then you’re juggling your careers and trying to adjust to married life. And do you also have hobbies on the side? Zandrhea: Yes, I like to take photos. So I guess you would say I’m sort of an amateur photographer. So, I kind of chase that when I’m not working.  Myrtle: That’s awesome. Patrick: I feel like there’s no shortage of hobbies. I’ve recently gotten into filmmaking before that. I’m still doing it. I like to paint. Yeah, so there’s a lot of stuff there, and I guess Zan just picked up a…I guess she’s a plant lady now? I don’t know. Zandrhea: Oh yes. Myrtle: [laughs] Zandrhea: Now I’m also a mother of plants. [laughs] Myrtle: All of those things factor into deciding, right, how you’re going to juggle, how are you going to make time for everything. And then, you mentioned deciding where to live. Did you have that discussion before you got married, and how did you come to a decision on that? Patrick and Zandrhea: [laughs] Patrick: There’s a lot there. Because the thing for me is I’m very logical in a sense, and Zan is a… Zandrhea: I’m a free spirit. [laughs] Myrtle: [laughs] Patrick: There we go. That’s a good way to put it. On the moving part, that one’s kind of interesting. So, I like to stay in one place. Zan doesn’t. Well, that’s not true. Zandrhea: No. Patrick: She likes different things. Zandrhea: I like experiencing different areas of the city, apparently. [laughs] Myrtle: [laughs] Patrick: Right. Obviously, after our wedding, one of the bigger questions that we had was, you know, ‘where would we live?’ Initially, we lived downtown, and that’s primarily because that’s where we worked and that’s where, I guess, everything is. Within like first two, three years, we probably moved three times. Myrtle: Oh wow. Patrick: It was fun. Zandrhea: Was it three times? I think it was two. Patrick: I want to say four, but I’ll give you a discount. Zandrhea: [laughs] Myrtle: [laughs] Zandrhea: Okay, three times, whatever. It’s fine. [laughs] Yeah, and you know what though? With that, I feel like it was hard for me to convince Patrick when I wanted to move, only because when you’re a newlywed, you don’t really know what you want in terms of space. And again, with the whole budgeting thing, we’re like, let’s maybe live downtown but go to a place that we can afford. With… when we’re newlyweds, because we’re learning how, I guess, to split our budgets, and how much space do we really need? We didn’t really know that at first. We just thought, ‘Oh this is a great location. It’s within our budget. Let’s go here.’ But, within, I think, within six months I was like, “We bought way too much stuff and I think we’re going to need to move.” So… Myrtle: And you needed a bigger space already? [laughs] Zandrhea: Apparently. Well, I mean, I think if you go from a 550-square foot house or a condo, and there’s two of you, and one of them likes to paint—and I’m not blaming that on you. [laughs] Patrick: You know, I’ll take it. It’s fine. Zandrhea: It was a lot of our stuff that we accumulated in our first year of marriage. It was kind of, we outgrew it really quickly. So, yeah… Myrtle: So, you obviously convinced him somehow, because you said you did move. So, how did that discussion go and, you know, what did you do to convince Patrick that it was a good decision for you both? Zandrhea: Maybe I’ll talk about our third move? I wanted to live near my parents, my family. I have a small family, so they would occasionally come visit us and it was too far for them at times because of church. We would only see each other on church days, so I thought it would probably be best to be in the neighborhood closest to my family. So, I had to really convince him. Aside from the fact that, you know, of course we’ll be near our family and we’ll be able to see them more often, I had to be more specific in the reasons why I thought that it was a good decision. As Pat mentioned, he’s a logical thinker, so he’s the type of person who likes to see what you mean by ‘this is a good decision.’ So, I just made it seem that we were saving money and we would spend less on gas. I made a…I guess I’ll let Pat talk about that. [laughs] Patrick: Okay, so here: Is it further away from work? Yes. Did we save money? Actually, no. But for some reason we’re happier and, I mean, I’ll take that over anything else. Like she said, we’re closer to her family. If they need something, we can be there and vice versa. So, this is how she really convinced me. I like numbers, and so she decided to put together, I think it was an Excel spreadsheet with literally everything from, ‘hey, this is how big our tank is, this is how far our travel is everyday, this is how much gas is between now and I don’t know when.’ And so, I looked at it and I just said I was really impressed. So I [said], “You know what, let’s consider it.” But the funny thing is, we saved money because of the errors in her calculations. Most of her calculations were based off of kilometers, with exception to maybe one number, which was in miles per hour. And, at this point I just said yes, because she actually tried and that’s good enough for me. Myrtle: Hey, it sounded like it, yeah. Zandrhea: [laughs] Myrtle:  No, you put a spreadsheet together. That’s impressive to try and convince your spouse, you know, that these are the reasons that I think it would be a good idea. And numbers speak volumes sometimes, right? So, hey, A for effort, Zan! Zandrhea: [laughs] Myrtle: But you know, it really is nicer to live closer to your families, especially in the beginning, because you have that support system, right—especially when you’re still adjusting. But now, you’re in your third year of marriage. Are there any methods that you follow in making your decisions together? Patrick: So generally, I mean, we decide everything together. You know, there are smaller decisions that we kind of make, that really doesn’t affect, I guess, money, or anything that’s permanent. And so, those things we do independently. But, for the most part, I’ll look at finances. I don’t know why. I find comfort in numbers, it’s like a blanket. Zandrhea: [laughs] Patrick: [laughs] And so, I look after finances and tech. I just, I Iove research. I

[Show opens] Myrtle Alegado (host): Okay, newlyweds. After the wedding, many of you expect wedded bliss to be automatic. You’ve married the person of your dreams right, so they should be able to anticipate every thought, wish, and need. But even after decades of marriage, I can tell you, this is not the case. So, all you newlyweds out there stay tuned as we continue our series on effective communication in marriage.  Welcome to Happy Life, the newest podcast brought to you by INCMedia that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, for over 21 years.  [Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life Myrtle Alegado: All right, so in this episode of our effective communication in marriage series, we’ll be focusing on expectations. Is it relevant to a successful marriage that expectations are clear between the husband and wife? Sure, it is. In the same way that having unclear expectations contribute to an unsuccessful marriage. Consider for a moment this quote from an article entitled The Psychology Of Expectations, and I quote: Without actually verbalizing expectations about give and take in a relationship, people construct stories in their heads about legitimate expectations of each other, and unspoken expectations are almost guaranteed to go unfulfilled. In an article we found on psychologytoday.com, Dr. John Johnson, a psychology professor at Pennsylvania State University, explored how unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments. Now what exactly does that mean? To get this discussion underway, I’d like to introduce today’s guests, Darnelh and Kim from Fremont, California, and they’ve been married since August of 2019. Welcome to Happy Life, Kim and Darnelh.   Darnelh: Hello Kim: Hi, everyone. Myrtle: How are you today? Kim: Oh, we’re doing great. It’s really nice to be here, so thank  you. Myrtle: Oh, we’re happy to have you. Okay, so newlyweds. Going back to that saying “unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments.” Well, simply put, it means we feel happy when expectations are met but disappointed when they aren’t, even though other expectations we have are actually without good reason. And to break it down further the example they used in the article was a cup of coffee. Okay, so now you’re probably wondering, “Myrtle, what does a cup of coffee have to do with expectations in marriage?” So, just bear with me for a second as I share with you my take on this. I was able to relate to the article’s cup of coffee example, because when I wake up in the morning having a cup of coffee makes me happy. Darnelh and Kim, do you two look forward to your first cup of coffee in the morning too? Kim: I do. I think I’m a big(ger) coffee drinker than Darnelh, but I always, it’s like the first thing that I have to have in the morning. Myrtle: Okay, so maybe Darnelh can relate to the article’s cup of coffee example with maybe his morning cereal, or his pancakes, or what have you.  Obviously I know that I have to carry out steps to produce that cup of coffee, and that it just doesn’t appear out of thin air on my counter waiting to greet me. But there have been times when my husband makes it to the kitchen before me, and in my head I’m like, “Oh, this is awesome. He’ll probably have my coffee waiting for me when I get downstairs.” But, I never actually articulated or expressed to him before he went downstairs that I’d like him to make me a cup of coffee. So, why is it then that I feel disappointed when I don’t actually see that coffee waiting for me on the counter? I mean after all, he isn’t a mind reader. Right, Darnelh, Kim? Kim: We can agree on, like, so many levels with that. I think I’m the same way. Like, “Oh I hear someone in the kitchen. Someone’s making coffee. By the time I get out of the room I’m  pretty sure I’ll have a coffee. So that’s, you know, I can totally agree with that and relate. Darnelh: She was giving me a look the whole time you were talking. Kim: Yeah. Myrtle: It’s so funny how that works. Now after several instances similar to this, for example, like if, you know, every day I’m kind of expecting him to make me a cup of coffee and it doesn’t happen, for some couples, could that disappointment start building into resentment? You know, Darnelh and Kim, you’ve been married for what is it?  Almost two years now or a year and a half? Kim: Yeah, about a year and a half, yes. Almost two years, yes. Myrtle: Yeah, time’s flying huh? In that time, can you maybe give us an example of when unfulfilled expectations was an issue for you in your marriage? Kim: I think one of the biggest things though, as a newly married couple, is when it comes to responsibilities at home. I think it was something that we never saw coming, but a lot of the expectations really weigh on the responsibilities that we both have at home.  Myrtle: You’re not the first couple who have mentioned that, so it’s really funny how even just, you know, dividing chores and daily responsibilities can become, you know, a bone of contention in a way.  Kim: Yes, I agree. I think, like a big factor with it too is we both came from, we came from different families. So with him he only has, like, one brother and then meanwhile I have two sisters, a brother. So our family’s a lot bigger. So, that to like, you know, coming from two different families and then now you’re starting a new family and life together, I think, the way you used to do things when you were with your own family before is like quite different when you live together as a newly married couple. Myrtle: Right, so you’re adjusting to not only, you know, your other half now that you’re married but even the type of upbringing that they had, the different routines that were normal for them in their homes aren’t necessarily, you know, the same as what you’re expecting now that you’re married, you know, as newlyweds. So, Darnelh, can you talk a little bit about that? Were there misunderstandings because of, you know, expectations you had of each other? Darnelh: Yeah, there was a lot of learning that was done, that is still being done. We’re learning a lot about each other. Going back to what she said, you know, we come from different backgrounds and different approaches of how we live in our homes and all that. Yeah, my family like when we grew up, like me, my brother and my parents, and everyone had such different schedules. So it was kind of like every man for themselves, type of thing. I know we always, like for instance dishes, we made a rule early on when I was a kid. I guess it was an issue, I don’t remember too much. But whatever is in the sink, you wash it. So it never really stacked up, so I guess we just took on the responsibility. Myrtle: I see. Darnelh: There was a bit of an integrity there, I guess. Kim: Which is funny because, I just wanted to add, which was totally different from how it is in our household. Because there’s four siblings, and we always have to make sure that everyone gets to do chores. So for us after dinner, when you eat together, one person takes care of the dishes. Myrtle: So it’s assigned. Kim: Yeah, so I think that’s one of the main differences we actually noticed when we were, you know, when we just started being together.  Myrtle: In this situation where, you know, in your minds your expectations versus the reality that you faced when you finally moved in together they were different, right? So how did you get on the same page? Darnelh: We definitely sat down every time there [were] misunderstandings. We would talk it out, we would, you know, speak our minds, say what we felt and try to understand, like, where the other is coming from, why are they approaching it this way, and all that. So we try to help each other out and to understand. Myrtle: When we talk about, you know, the topic of expectations, it’s not really something that a lot of newlyweds or even engaged to be wed couples really think about, or even take the time to discuss prior to marriage. I know, I didn’t. I didn’t think about, you know, managing what my expectations of my husband were going to be, or future husband. So is the topic of expectations in your marriage something you both discussed prior to getting married, or did you think about it at all? Darnelh: No. [laughs] Kim: Yeah, I don’t think we actually, because we…. I think it’s different because I think in my opinion if we were closer, because we were in a long distance relationship for a long time, like we started our relationship with long distance, and really like the expectations you have when you have a long distance relationship is totally different when you’re dating someone who’s just there, right. But when it comes to long distance, I think you make an extra effort to make everything so special that you really don’t think of expectations. Like, what do you expect this person to do? I feel like I’m always surprised by all the gestures that he’s done for me when we were dating. Like he would send me a care package out of nowhere, or like text me good morning everyday, like those little things I think I’ve never had those expectations of him when we were dating. But I think it’s because also, like with the long distance, everything seems extra special too. Myrtle: Aww. So, when you finally did, you know, live together, I think in the first few months of your marriage you were also a little bit long distance because, you know, like you were mentioning earlier, Kim, it was like work responsibilities or something so you couldn’t move right away. But because of your long distance relationship did that help you in your communication to be, you know, a little bit more direct with each other, to really explain what you were expecting or feeling? Kim: I think it did because, also with long distance, communication is the foundation of everything. Like it was really hard for us to be far away,

Effective Communication in Marriage: Introduction [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado (host): “Hello, everyone! For those joining us again we’re glad you’re back, and a warm welcome to our new listeners out there. I’m Myrtle Alegado, host of this newest podcast by INCMedia, Happy Life where we help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage.  As for me, I have been happily married for over 21 years to my husband, Paul. In our last episode, we left off on the topic of communication. Today, we’re kicking off the series on effective communication in marriage. On the website insightpsychological.ca it states that lack of communication is the root cause of marriage issues and on www.marriage.com they state and I quote: “Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage. Poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for divorce.” Stay tuned now as we talk about what communication is and look at some of the different methods. [Show jingle/catchphrase]Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle Alegado: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome our guests Jannelle & Kurt, from Delta, British Columbia, Canada. They’ve been married a little over 2 years now. Hey, Kurt & Jannelle! How are you both today? Jannelle Quines: Thank you  so much! We’re doing great, thanks! Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s awesome! Kurt, how are you? Kurt Quines: Pretty good. Hi, everyone! Myrtle Alegado: So, before we jump into our discussion today, would you mind sharing a little bit about yourselves? You know, so we can get to know you a little. What do you both do professionally? Kurt Quines: So, I’m a Structural Engineer at WHM Structural Consulting just outside of Vancouver. Myrtle Alegado: Mmmhmm. Jannelle Quines:  And I’m a Digital Marketing & Communications Professional. I work within a tech company that focuses on video editing software. Myrtle Alegado: Oh wow, those definitely sound like busy careers. I know from our last conversation together, I know you met when you both worked in retail about 9 or 10 years ago. But you only got married 2 years ago, right? Jannelle Quines: Yes, that’s right. Myrtle Alegado: So for you personally, what does good communication in your marriage mean to you? Kurt Quines: So for us, it basically means speaking with honesty and respect. Myrtle Alegado: Right. Jannelle Quines: Yeah, definitely, being able to speak with honesty and like, you know, being unafraid of your spouse’s reaction. Also, having an open mind and an open heart to listen to what your spouse is saying or trying to say. Myrtle Alegado: So, in the little over 2 years that you’ve been married, but you’ve known each other for a total of 10, so what have you learned about communication with each other over the years? And did that change a little bit, you know, after you got married? Kurt Quines: Definitely. So, communication in marriage is a lot different from when you’re dating. It’s a new stage in your relationship, as well as your life, so there are new things you’ll learn about yourself and your spouse while living in the same space. Myrtle Alegado: Oh yeah definitely, because you know you’re adjusting not just to being married but to living with each other, living together. Kurt Quines: Exactly. We both came from living with our families so this was our first time living with anyone. And, basically, first time living apart from our families as well. Myrtle Alegado: Yeah. Kurt Quines: So it was challenging learning to live together while adjusting to living away from our separate families. Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, I get that. Jannelle Quines: Yeah, for example, there are times where you know, we felt like we couldn’t express ourselves, because it felt like, you know, when you express yourselves and you’re not used to being with somebody constantly, you feel like you’re being criticized or being questioned, like the methods that you’re doing in your everyday life is being questioned. And we were both used to, you know, avoiding that. So we would try to avoid as many arguments by keeping silent, but you know that never works out. And then, you know, because of that tensions build and things start to feel uncomfortable in the shared space that you have.  Myrtle Alegado: It’s kind of funny how that dynamic works, because I mean you’ve known each other for 9 or 10 years, and then you get married, and then it’s like walking on eggshells with each other. Jannelle Quines: Yeah. Myrtle Alegado: It’s almost like you’re trying to figure out, you know, when to bring something up or not. Jannelle Quines: Right, totally. For sure, for sure. Like, I think It took some time, but we learned that the space that we share is you know, exactly that. It’s shared. So remembering that it belongs to the both of us, so it’s up to us to create that home together. It’s not like, you know, it’s only his space or only my space. It’s a space where we need to communicate our wants, and our needs, and our overall feelings in order for things to be more harmonious. Myrtle Alegado: Okay, before we continue, let’s find out what exactly  is communication and how do others define communication? The definition of communication according to Merriam Webster dictionary is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior. There are 2 basic types of communication, being verbal & non-verbal. Verbal communication has two types. Oral Communication, which happens through word of mouth, spoken words, conversations like face to face conversation with your spouse, or you know phone calls; and of course, nowadays, we also have video chats and what not. And then, the other type is Written Communication, which happens through handwritten or typed medium, like text messages, instant messages, handwritten notes, or emails. And then we’ve got Non-Verbal Communication. Any communication without word of mouth, spoken words, conversation and written languages are called Non-Verbal Communication. And it happens through gestures, body language or facial expressions So, now that we have defined what communication is, Jannelle & Kurt, in your own words, why is effective communication important to you? Jannelle Quines: I think communication is important to us because it’s taken us to another level of love and respect for each other. I think we understand each other much better, and we truly are partners in life. We’re in this together and that’s really comforting. Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, in it for the long haul, right? Jannelle Quines: Yeah. Yeah. Myrtle Alegado: So,can you take us through a typical day for you two, you know, what you share, how you communicate with each other? How often? Is it throughout the day during work, or just in the evening when you finally get to see each other? Kurt Quines: I think a good example is, because we work fairly close to each other, we usually carpool on the days when we have Church night. Myrtle Alegado: Oh that’s nice. Kurt Quines: So we have really good conversations while driving home or driving somewhere. Jannelle Quines: Yeah.  Myrtle Alegado: What are the sorts of things you talk about in the car? Jannelle Quines: Well, I think it’s good that we work close by. So, when we carpool back home we talk about how our day went at work, and sometimes you know, how we’re feeling. We mention things that happen, like funny things that happened during the day, current events, or what’s happening in the world right now. We discuss a whole bunch of different topics when we go home. Myrtle Alegado: It’s kind of like anything and everything, huh? Jannelle Quines: Yeah, literally. It’s kind of whatever is happening, that happened that day, we sort of chat about. Yeah. Myrtle Alegado: So, it’s kind of like a catch up session but also you can bring up anything. That’s great. Jannelle Quines: Yeah. Kurt Quines: Pretty much, and then we talk about Church, mostly as well. Talking about our responsibilities and our duties. You know, we kind of coordinate our schedules in the car, pretty much. And, overall, quality time is really important to us, so even if we don’t talk and we just drive, and we’re just in the same space, we sort of can feel or read each other’s mood. Jannelle Quines: Yeah. Myrtle Alegado: That’s so awesome when, you know, that comforting kind of  silence is there, like you don’t really have to say anything. You’re just happy being with each other’s presence. That’s so awesome to me. Jannelle Quines: Yeah. Myrtle Alegado: You mentioned Church duties. What are your duties in the Church Of Christ? Can you give us examples of how you communicate in order to fulfill them? Jannelle Quines: So, I’m the head secretary at our local (congregation), so in the local (congregation) of Delta, and Kurt is the assistant choir leader, Buklod president and group overseer. So we have not just our busy schedule in terms of work, we have also quite a busy schedule when it comes to our Church responsibilities as well. Myrtle Alegado: For sure, it sounds like it. You’ve got a lot on your plate. Jannelle Quines: Yeah. Myrtle Alegado: For those who aren’t familiar with the term you mentioned, Buklod, it’s the organization for married members within the Christian Family Organizations in the Church Of Christ. Ok, so you both work full time, on top of that you have responsibilities in the Church. How do you manage? Like, really? Jannelle Quines: Well, to be honest, there are times where we may feel really overwhelmed and like, juggling everything and managing deadlines. You know work, like after work you have to do your Church duties, or vice versa where you go do your Church duty and then you have to go to work. But, I think we do our best to keep each other informed about what our schedules are like for those days or the weeks coming by. We have like a shared calend