Planning a Wedding During COVID-19

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Myrtle Alegado: Worry, pressure, and stress. Lots of stress. A staggering 96% of couples admit to feeling this emotion while planning their wedding according to a study of 500 newlywed or engaged to be wed couples published on brides.com.

These numbers are even more telling – “40% of couples categorized wedding planning as “extremely stressful” while 71% thought it was more nerve-wracking than other major life events like finding a new job.”

Now, that article was published before COVID-19. Today, we’re going to look at what planning a wedding was like for one newlywed couple I had a chance to chat with who got married during the global pandemic.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INCMedia that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999.

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Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle: Planning every detail of your big day really does take a lot of work. The happy couple has to decide on things like guest lists, decor, and even the reception venue.  When you add a global pandemic into the equation of wedding planning, you’ve got a whole new set of unexpected hurdles.

Let’s welcome our newlyweds for today’s topic, Kara and Alvin, from Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada. Hi Kara and Alvin! We’re so happy you’re here with us today.

Kara Pascual: Hello, Myrtle. Thank you so much for having us today on Happy Life. And Alvin and I are so grateful to take part in this topic, which is very timely for us. Right, Alvin?

Alvin Pascual: Yeah, but definitely quite nervous.

Myrtle: Aww, no need to be nervous. So how have you two been, you know, aside from the nervousness?

Kara: Well, of course we also gained weight as part of marriage.

Myrtle: Oh, I think that’s part of the COVID-10 or COVID-15 people say.

Kara: COVID-15!

Myrtle: Everybody’s  putting on 10 or 15 pounds. Can you explain where St. John is and what it’s like there?

Kara: So, St. John is in the province of New Brunswick, which is part of the 10 provinces here in Canada. And we’re also part of the Atlantic provinces in the eastern part of the country.

Myrtle: And I had to actually Google Map it and even though I’m Canadian, and I’ve lived here all my life, I had to refresh my memory. I believe it’s also between Quebec and Nova Scotia and then just a little bit north of Maine, correct?

Alvin: That’s correct. So it’s actually two hours away from the US border which is the State of Maine.

Myrtle: Okay so, Kara and Alvin, you’ve been married since August of 2020, correct?

Kara: Yep.

Myrtle: And that wasn’t originally supposed to be your wedding date though right, so can you share the story on that?

Alvin: I proposed to Kara in May 2018 in Niagara Falls, Ontario. So, that was actually the happiest moment of my life at that point. We encountered a lot of challenges along the way, especially we have differing personalities. I am an introvert and Kara is an extrovert. So, a lot of challenges personally, within our internal selves, and together as a couple, as we’re going through the relationship. We encountered that after the proposal. So, we decided to call off the wedding and eventually had to separate, because we realized that we needed to grow as individuals, before we can go together.

Myrtle: And you know that actually makes a lot of sense, because there’s a saying I heard a while back that went something like ‘before you could stand together, you had to stand alone.’ So, what you said, growing as individuals, I’m sure that now has helped you together as a couple. So, after experiencing all of that, you know, having the proposal, being engaged, then calling off the wedding, the roller coaster of ups and downs, what was it like for you to finally be able to plan the wedding together?

Kara: Actually, Myrtle, we were so excited, because we will finally get to restart the planning of our wedding.

Myrtle: Right.

Kara: But then we are [in] a long distance relationship, because I live in St. John here in New Brunswick, and he was in Surrey, British Columbia, at that time. So Surrey is, I think it’s in the Metro Vancouver [area]—

Myrtle: Right.

Kara: —as far as I know, and St. John is near the Bay of Fundy. So, I am beside the waters.

Myrtle: So, literally you’re [on] other sides of the country.

Kara: Yeah, other sides, west and east.

Myrtle: You’re that far apart in distance, different time zones, so how did you stay organized and on track with all your wedding planning.

Kara: Well, Alvin is the techie type of person, and he’s really organized. I guess it’s because of his job. So, he created a Google spreadsheet for us to keep everything on track, to see our progress, to see what we’ve missed, and we always check it every month, and then it goes to every week.

And I am really happy even though that we are both far away from each other. I am really thankful that Alvin’s family is very supportive, because I only have them as my family since my parents, my siblings, are in the Philippines. I know it’s very unfortunate that they are far away from me, but they still give support by giving me advice on how to do the wedding, even though we’re far away from each other.

Myrtle: That’s really great. And actually the spreadsheet is a great idea to stay organized, so good job, Alvin.

Alvin: Thank you.

Myrtle: And we heard, you know almost all couples admit to feeling stress during wedding planning. What were your stress levels like, you know, especially since you were planning your wedding during a global pandemic and you have the distance as well to handle?

Alvin: So, I’m not really the type of person that stresses too much. Because I realized that in order to get this wedding planning to work is if one person is easily stressed out, the other person needs to be calm and be able to think things through. That’s why I was able to be organized and bring solutions like using a spreadsheet to see the progress, things like that. So, that helped me to reduce my stress.

Kara: Well it’s very opposite for me, because I am 110% stressed at that time.

Myrtle: Oh.

Kara: Well, I think it’s because I’m far from Alvin and from a family. It’s really hard to interact with one another if you’re far away. It’s different when you can see each other. You can talk to each other right away.

And there’s a lot of restrictions when COVID-19 started in early 2020. All of us are so nervous because flights got suspended. Actually here in St. John, in the whole province of New Brunswick actually, they suspended the whole flights so there’s no airports open [at] that time.

Myrtle: Oh.

Kara: Yes, everything is closed. Even the stores are closed. So while I was searching for a gown, I couldn’t find the perfect gown for me, because I don’t really like looking online. Because what if I receive it and then I have to alter it because it’s too small for me or it’s too big for me. And stores are closed so I don’t have a way to alter the dress, and it’s really hard to make decorations. And the worst thing is, we really don’t know if the wedding will be pushed through because of this pandemic,

Myrtle: And I think initially when we spoke, you had hoped to get married earlier in 2020, not in August, right?

Kara: Yes.

Myrtle: But then like you said the pandemic hit. And so in addition to the wedding date, what other changes did you kind of have to accept and deal with because of, you know, pandemic and lockdown and everything?

Alvin: So, the toughest thing was that Kara’s family could not make it to the wedding because of the government restrictions. We really wish we could have changed that, because it would be very valuable for their family to witness the wedding ceremony in itself.

Kara: And to add to that, my family’s not members of the Church Of Christ, and I really would want them to witness how the wedding is done inside the Church, and how solemn it is. Because I also wanted them to be part of this Church.

Myrtle: And you said that there were a lot of government restrictions as well, right? Did you have to do a lot of research when it came to that, such as how many people were allowed to gather, and how did that affect your guest list?

Kara: Well, yes I actually checked the government restrictions, every month and then every week, because I find that they change the rules, very often. So, at first, the maximum capacity indoors in British Columbia is 50 guests or 50 people. And then they lowered it to 25. It’s really hard to determine who will be in the chapel, because we also have people who are dear to us that we want to be with on our wedding day. But then, we couldn’t because we have to follow those restrictions.

But of course, people can’t travel anyway, so we are thankful t