In this powerful episode of Soul Kink Therapy, our guest "Sam" (voice altered for confidentiality) shares his vulnerable journey with this exact question. For his entire life, Sam has been drawn to gender play, cross-dressing, and chastity, but has always presented as a cis man.

We discuss the controversial term "autogynophilia," the fear of losing his long-term partner, and the feeling of anhedonia (lack of joy) he experiences in his male identity. As a therapeutic kink practitioner, I help Sam explore the complex spectrum between gender play and gender identity, reframing his male presentation as its own form of "drag."

This session dives deep into using kink as somatic therapy and "creature work" to bypass the logical mind and discover one's authentic self.

0:00 - 1:00 - Guest Intro (Sam): Autogynophilia & The Core Question1:01 - 2:09 - Welcome to Soul Kink Therapy: Gender Play vs. Being Trans2:10 - 4:04 - Sam's Story: Earliest Memories of Cross-Dressing (Mother's Bra)4:05 - 5:39 - Discovering Kink: Chastity, Bondage, & Language5:40 - 7:29 - The "Autogynophilia" Theory (And Why It's Repugnant)7:30 - 8:54 - Sam's "Halfway House": Is It Kink or Something More?8:55 - 11:44 - Honoring Sam's Sensitivity & Gender as a Spectrum11:45 - 13:09 - The Difference Between Cross-Dressing and Drag13:10 - 13:44 - "We Made All This Up": Gender as a Construct13:45 - 14:59 - Question: What is Your Relationship With Masculinity?15:00 - 18:44 - Feeling "Invisible" as a Man & Envying Female Attention18:45 - 20:30 - "It's Bullshit That Men Aren't Given Opportunities to Play"20:31 - 21:49 - Question: Do You Find Dressing as a Man Oppressive?21:50 - 24:09 - The "Magic Button" Test & The Fear of Losing His Partner24:10 - 27:14 - Devotion, Intimacy, and "Rigorous Honesty" in His Relationship27:15 - 28:44 - Identifying with Anhedonia (Lack of Joy)28:45 - 29:19 - Emily's Reframe: Anhedonia as a Sign of Oppression29:20 - 32:19 - What is a "Trauma Response"? (Sam's vs. Emily's Definition)32:20 - 33:14 - Kink as Somatic Therapy (Bypassing the Logical Mind)33:15 - 34:59 - Emily's Core Reframe: "You Are in Drag as a Man"35:00 - 36:09 - Sam's Reaction: "Intimidated by the Weight of Responsibility"36:10 - 38:39 - "Slow This Fucking Train Down" (Addressing the Fear)38:40 - 40:09 - Creature Work: Identifying "Apprehension" in the Body40:10 - 42:29 - Sam's Creature: "A Moth Pinned to a Board"42:30 - 44:29 - Sam's Doubt: "I Can't Square It With How I Feel"44:30 - 45:59 - Emily's Bias: "I Am an Extreme Player" (Using the Body)46:00 - 48:14 - The Action Plan: Structured Play ("Putting on a Timer")48:15 - 49:29 - "Does She Have a Name?" (The Feminine Identity)49:30 - 51:24 - How to Find Answers: Create a "Scene" & Ask Her51:25 - 52:19 - Wrapping Up the "Emotional Roller Coaster"52:20 - 53:59 - Emily's Final Blessing: "You Have All The Answers"54:00 - 56:47 - Outro & Podcast Call to Action (Leave a Review)