What happens when a 12-year marriage ends and you have to rediscover who you are? For many, the journey to finding their authentic self is confusing, but for my client Tree, it led him to kink.

In this episode of Soul Kink Therapy, my former client Tree shares his powerful story of post-divorce healing. We discuss his journey from a self-described "goopy people-pleaser" suppressing his desires to a balanced, authentic man who found his purpose. Tree talks openly about healing shame from his conservative Asian background, using conscious kink to find self-love, and the process of discovering his own dominant energy after identifying as a submissive for years.

This is a must-watch for anyone navigating a new chapter, healing from a breakup, or looking to reconcile their "kinky self" with their "authentic self."

0:00 - 1:19 - Welcome Tree: A Client's Journey After Divorce1:20 - 3:49 - Where Tree Was: Post-Divorce, Purposeless, & Kink Shame3:50 - 5:49 - Blindsided by Divorce: Losing His Purpose5:50 - 8:44 - Suppressing His Authentic Self (and Kink) in Marriage8:45 - 11:39 - "Topping from the Bottom": An Inauthentic Submissive Dynamic11:40 - 14:14 - Losing His Identity & Post-Divorce Rebellion (Pro-Doms)14:15 - 16:14 - Realizing He Needed "Something Deeper" Than Shallow Kink16:15 - 17:59 - The Role of ADHD in His Journey18:00 - 20:59 - Why Kink Felt Like "Connection"21:00 - 23:14 - The "Creatures": Confronting and Loving the "Worst" Parts23:15 - 26:39 - Conscious Kink as a "Parade" for Trauma26:40 - 28:59 - What is a "Container"? (Kink & Exposure Therapy)29:00 - 32:39 - From "Goopy People Pleaser" to "Present" (Flow State & Meditation)32:40 - 35:19 - Learning Containment vs. Penetration Energy35:20 - 38:29 - Finding His Dominant Side: The 50/50 Switch38:30 - 40:09 - The Kink Imbalance: More Male Subs than Female Doms40:10 - 43:39 - How Self-Love Changed His Dating Energy43:40 - 45:29 - Meeting His New Partner (A Fellow "Switch")45:30 - 46:59 - "Creepiness is Desire That is Unowned"47:00 - 48:09 - How Kink Works in His New, Healthy Relationship48:10 - 50:14 - The Biggest Lesson: Finding Purpose in Himself50:15 - 53:29 - Healing the "Provider" Wound (Asian & Male Identity)53:30 - 54:19 - Kink as a "Bait and Switch" for Self-Work54:20 - 55:10 - How Being Biracial (Asian/Native) Shows Up55:11 - 56:20 - Reframing Identity as a "Superpower" & Final Advice