Today we’re going to be doing something a little bit unique. You see, most of the times when I start these podcast episodes I have a really clear idea of what I’m going to say whenever I take a voicemail from a listener.

But today I listened to this voicemail from Brian, I believe his name was, and I came up blank on exactly what he should do. And I thought this is a perfect opportunity for not only me to challenge myself but for you to maybe get an insight into how my brain works and how your brain should be working if you’re going through a breakup.

What makes Brian’s situation unique? Well, essentially he’s not only trying to get his ex-girlfriend back, he’s trying to get his Fiancé back. His Fiancé essentially left him, moved out of the state and blocked him.

What is he going to do? Well, that’s what we’re going to try to organically come to a conclusion about today. But first things first, the number one question that I’m always getting on my websites and on my YouTube channel and even on this podcast is, “Chris, what kind of chance do I have of getting my ex-girlfriend back? Should I be trying to get my ex-girlfriend back or should I be trying to move on?”

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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Why Did His Ex Fiancé Break Up With Him For Flirting?

Hi Chris, my name is Brian.

I’m a follower of your channel and I just had a quick question for you about my breakup. Me and my ex-fiancée have been together four years and we broke up two months ago because she found out that I had been talking to an old girlfriend online, an emotional affair type of thing.

Never met up with her, never done anything with her outside, just had a short little conversation with her. She got mad, she moved out of our home, left the state that we lived in to go live with her sister, changed her phone number and blocked me on all platforms of communication.

We’ve been at no contact for two months since this happened. I was wondering what the chances were of trying to rekindle this.

I have to say that without a doubt Brian is in one of the most difficult situations that you can imagine.

You see, one thing I always tell people is they need to get comfortable with this idea of no, embracing the no, embracing rejection, because ultimately rejection is where you learn but it also opens up some type of communication with an ex. If you reach out to them and they’re angry at you for example, that’s a lot better than you reaching out to them and they block you completely.

Let’s get an accounting of Brian’s situation.

• Brian basically is trying to get his ex-fiancée back and she broke up with him because she caught him flirting with his ex.


• Now, the flirting with his ex maybe, he says there was nothing physical there so it seems like it’s more emotional support than anything.


• He says that he just had a short little conversation with his ex-girlfriend, but obviously this made his ex-fiancée mad.


• She moved out of state with her sister and blocked him.


• Now, I don’t know the extent of the block fully but we’ll get to that later.

And essentially he’s wondering what are the chances to try to rekindle this?

Let’s Talk About His Ex Blocking Him First

Okay, there’s a lot to go on here, there’s a lot to unfold.

And I think I’d like to first start with the blocking bit, because ultimately what you need to understand from what we’ve learned about when exes block you, it is almost always an emotional response to the breakup, that seems to be what happens here.

Most of the times, I would say probably above 80% of the time, when you actually go through a situation where you’ve been blocked, guess what’s going to happen? Your ex will unblock you at some point. They’ll just get curious to see what you’re up to, they’ll just not be able to help themselves and they will unblock you.

But I will say that there is also a percentage of exes who are, or subscribe to that theory of one and done, like, “Hey, this is it.

You had your one chance and that will be it for everything,” and they won’t unblock you. Time’s going to have to tell to see which of the situations Brian has found himself in.

Personally speaking I like to believe in statistics and the statistics do say that Brian’s ex will unblock him in any way, shape or form in the future or in some way shape or from, excuse me, in the future.

It’s just a matter of being patient and waiting.

Yet, what do we mean by wait?

I mean, what happens if she has him blocked for a year?

What does he do then?

Well, it’s a good question.

That’s where I’d like to maybe talk about the differences between a hard block and a soft block.

• A hard block is where your ex girlfriend maybe blocked you in every way you can potentially communicate with her.


• And a soft block is where she blocks you in most ways in which you can communicate with her, but there are a few still open like Instagram DMs, or Facebook messages, things of that nature where you can still maybe have some type of a reach out.

He didn’t really specify what that is but my first advice to him would be figure out where you are, are you in a hard block, are you in a soft block?

Because if you’re heard a soft block, don’t worry so much about her unblocking you because guess what? She will probably be responsive towards you if you try to reach out to her in one of those methods of communication that she has still left open. But that’s not really solving the deeper issue here because the deeper issue here has to do with cheating, and that’s the truth.

The Differences Between How Men And Women Cheat

Your ex-fiancée broke up with you for flirting with another woman and that is the truth.

How do you handle that?

Well, I think what we need to first do is educate Brian on the differences with cheating between men and women.

There’s a lot of statistics out there that basically say, “Men cheat more than women,” but I’m here to tell you that it’s BS, women cheat just as much as men. In fact, it’s probably equal and I think you can even make the case that sometimes women will cheat more than men, but I would probably not put my name to that so I’m going to say it’s probably equal, as all things should be.

But what’s the not equal are the reasons that men cheat and women cheat.

Now, this is where the story gets interesting because the differences between why men cheat and why women cheat and the frame of mind they’re in are so staggering, it is shocking to me that not more people are talking about it. Okay. What do I mean by that? Well, let’s take a look at cheating from your ex girlfriend or ex-fiancée’s point of view, Brian.

One thing that we do know about how men and women cheat or the reasons they cheat is that men will often cheat and can still be deeply in love with their partner.

That sounds really interesting, doesn’t it? Something that probably you wouldn’t expect?

I mean, why would you cheat on someone if you’re still in love with your partner?

Well, it’s because biologically human beings are produced to spread their seed. I’m not a biologist but I think that’s pretty standard in the animal kingdom, survive and replicate. Those are our two functions in life and human beings are programmed to cheat. Now what makes us interesting as people is we also understand instinctually that if we bond we tend to live longer in life plus we also get more or sex, that’s also true. But we are programmed and men can sometimes fall victim to that programming.

Now, I don’t want to chalk it up to biological programming at all, but the point I’m making is men are more capable of cheating while still being vastly in love with their significant other. Women are not. Now, this is where the big difference occurs. Women who cheat, they will usually only cheat, and remember, there’s always exceptions to the rules, but women who cheat will only usually cheat if she’s checked out of the relationship and doesn’t want to be in it anymore.

One thing we also do know about people in commitment is times women will have a really hard time of getting out of a long commitment with a significant other if they have a lot invested into that relationship, so the interdependence theory is something that I’ve been positing or talking about for years.

The interdependence theory basically posits that human beings b