Today, we’re going to be taking another listener question that we got.

Actually, it was the very second question that we got when I actually started launching the podcast. And a lot of it is going to be focusing on the reasons why ex-girlfriends break up with you and what to do about them. So I’m going to play the question. It’s from someone who wanted to remain anonymous.

What he said resonated with me because you could just tell the defeat in his voice.

And what I’d like to do is by the end of this podcast episode give him and some of the listeners some clarity on what ex-girlfriends really mean when they say you’re being too pessimistic or that they’ve changed or that you should move on because that’s something that not a lot of women will really sort of tell you what they really mean by.

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What Does My Ex Girlfriend Mean When She Said That She Changed

So without further ado, let me play Mr. Anonymous’ question.

“My girlfriend left me a few weeks ago.

She said that I was too pessimistic, which I suppose I was, but none of the reasons she gave were really a deal breaker in anyone’s mind, I wouldn’t think, and I haven’t contacted her since the breakup. And I still have deep feelings for her. And she said that she wanted to be happy, or she said she needed to do what’s best for her. And that’s why I let her go so easy.

But since then it hasn’t been so easy, and I just don’t know what direction I need to take it. It’s been almost a month now since I’ve spoken to her, and none of the guides I’ve read have really hit my breakup specifically. And I was just looking for advice on that.”

Okay. There’s a lot to unpack here.

So what I’d like to do typically when I get questions is to sum them up so I can hit the bigger points and sort of help you.

So the person who left this voicemail just had his ex-girlfriend break up with him a few weeks ago.

• He hasn’t talked to her at all since then.


• It looks like it’s been about a month since they’ve talked.


• And the reason she gave was, or initially that he was being too pessimistic, I guess, about the relationship.


• But ultimately she kind of backed that up a little bit by giving him other reasons for the breakup occurring, but none of those rules reasons were really deal breakers in his mind.


• So again, they haven’t contacted each other since the breakup.


• She said that she wanted to be happy and do what’s best for her, which is why he kind of didn’t fight for her.

And what I think is interesting about this particular situation is the fact that we got a guy who’s struggling clearly, but hasn’t fought for the girl yet because he’s falling into this victim mode of thinking what is best for the girls that he backs up.

And what I guess the thing that I would want to combat anyone who’s listening to this that they have is that anytime someone says that they’re going to do what’s best for them, or being away from you is what’s best for them, they really do mean it in the moment. That’s an important thing that a lot of people don’t quite understand.

My Theory On Self Interest

I’ve been a long proponent of the fact that human beings are self-interested.

So especially when it comes to relationship decisions, they make self-interested decisions.

In other words, they’re going to do what they think is best for them.

So at this point of her life, your ex-girlfriend, Mr. Anonymous, she thinks that being away from you is what’s best for her.

So your overall game plan needs to be, how can I take that preconceived notion and prove it wrong?

And so what I thought I’d like to do is not only tell you how to do that, but also explain a little bit about what she meant when she said that you’re being pessimistic.

And essentially what she meant when she say that she’s changed or something along those lines.

And what’s really interesting is a few weeks ago, I actually wrote this article called What Your Ex Girlfriend Says Versus What She Really Means.

Now. I don’t understand women like I can understand us guys because we’re guys, I’m a guy. I can pretty much understand, hey, this is what a guy is thinking. But women are still sort of a mystery to me. But one thing I’m lucky to have is actually a larger website than Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

So a lot of you coming here and listening to this podcast are probably doing so on my website, exgirlfriendrecovery.com. And what’s interesting is exgirlfriendrecovery.com wasn’t the very first website I created in the relationship space. It was actually a website called exboyfriendrecovery.com, helping women try to get back with their ex-boyfriends.

I think you can see where this is going. But what’s interesting about this is there’s been a lot more women clients that have had than men clients.

And so one thing that we do is anytime we get a coaching client or anyone who buys our program, we let them into this private Facebook support group.

And this private Facebook support group is essentially the people that we view as like, hey, these are the people that are going to try our ideas out.

They’re going to report back to us. And a lot of times people will come to me and they’ll say like, “Hey, the reason I bought your program is you were actually showing real life success stories. I mean, you sat down and interview these people for hours trying to figure out like, hey, what worked for them and what didn’t work for them.” And the reason I can do that is because of our private Facebook support group.

So anyways, a few weeks ago, I got this idea for an article.

So I actually surveyed the men on Ex Girlfriend Recovery and said, “Hey, what are the five biggest questions that you want answered about what your ex girlfriend says? When your ex girlfriend says this, what is it that you want to understand what she really means, or the frame of mind she’s in when she says that thing?”

And the five responses we got were, hey, what does my ex-girlfriend mean when she says that she’s changed? Or what does my ex girlfriend mean when she says that she hates me? Or what does my ex-girlfriend mean when she says it’s too late? Or she says, we should just be friends or she tells you to move on.

And I was not going to tackle that alone because I don’t know. That’s the honest truth. I’m not some soothsayer, like people believe I am, which always kind of bothers me because it’s sort of like, well, I’m a human being too. I make mistakes and I don’t know everything. But what I can do for you is I can show you my data.

So I went anyways to the private Facebook support group and I polled all the women I could find there.

I basically put up a post and said, “Hey, I’m writing an article for my website, Ex Girlfriend Recovery, trying to help men understand what women really mean when they say X, Y, or Z.” And the response we got behind that article or behind that poll was really amazing. We got all sorts of really interesting insights and some of it really shocked me.

And so it’s sort of been my go to article anytime men asked me questions about like, “Hey, my ex-girlfriend said that she’s changed.” And I think that’s kind of the situation that you’re in here, Mr. Anonymous.

The fact that your ex-girlfriend’s says that you’re being too pessimistic and that she gave you all these sort of blanket reasons for why she wants to go through the breakup.

Ultimately the bottom line is she’s saying that she’s changed.

She’s moved past the relationship. And what’s interesting is we asked women in our private Facebook support group. And if you actually go to my website, exgirlfriendrecovery.com and find this episode, just look in the show notes area where I basically transcribed these episodes. I’m actually link you to that article so that you can actually read it. And you can actually see these screenshots that I posted to prove, hey, real women said this, and this is what they said.

And what’s interesting is when you look at when ex-girlfriends say that they’ve changed, that they’ve moved on or they give you some reason, that’s