Today’s success story is going to be unique.

Avid listeners of the podcast will have probably heard me say,

On again/off again relationships are among the easiest situations to succeed in but one of the hardest situations to keep together

Well, my interview with Kimberly today kind of proves this as she takes us through what it’s like to be in one of these situations. So, what starts as a success story kind of ends up as a pseudo coaching session by the end as we go over how to prevent an “off again” phase from happening.

Summary

Here’s a quick summary of our conversation:

• The breakup and how she got her ex back


• Rekindling the relationship after the breakup


• Going over the factors that drew him back in


• The on again/off again experience


• Setting boundaries


• Mystery vs. stability


• Planning a spontaneous family outing


• The importance of being ungettable

Interview Transcript

Chris Seiter 00:02

All right, today we have a success story interview with Kimberly. Kimberly ended up. I don’t know how we found you. Exactly. I think my wife found you instead of the interview between us. Yes, she did. Okay, so somehow my wife found Kimberly. So I’m just for the state of honesty here. I’m coming into this completely blind. I don’t know anything about Kimberly success story. So that’s gonna make for an excellent interview. But I just wanted to say thank you so much for coming on and doing this Kimberly. No problem. I’m excited. All right, so let’s go back to the Dark Ages back when you’re going obviously, through this breakup? Can you give us a little bit of a background on the breakup and how you came into the Ex Recovery orbit?

Kimberly 00:45

So we broke up and it was pretty bad one. I did the netting a lot of probably for about a month before I found the program. And I was just online looking up, you know, ways I could progress myself so that I could get him back. Or ways I could, you know, it was more manipulation, trying to get him back type thing. But I found the group or found the program I paid for it joined. And then immediately, well, within like half a month, maybe within joining the group, I went into no contact, I didn’t do very well with it, it was not a very good experience for me, I will get several times

Chris Seiter 01:28

how many is several times

Kimberly 01:31

I think it was three. Oh, since I joined the program. But it was within a short period of time. And the last time that I broke it, he actually put another girl on the phone who told me that she was his girlfriend, which I later found out she was not that he just did that to get me to leave him alone. But that’s kind of put it into it for me. And I was like Okay, so I’m going to I’m going to finish my new contact and I did the Trinity. I did the calendars. I had a calendar right next to my Work calendar, and I would do all the activities I put on it every day. I actually forgot to do my reach out. It was time for my reach out. And I had drafted it, put it in the group. But I was so busy doing stuff that I just completely forgot. And then I did it. He didn’t respond. I waited the time did another one he didn’t respond. And he and so I just decided not to do it any anymore. after that. I just I went you know without moving on.

Chris Seiter 02:37

Gave up base. Yeah. Do you? Do you recall what the reach outs were? Were they kind of like the ERP type reach outs or did you put your own? Yes,

Kimberly 02:45

they were the ERP. And they were his top interest it was in regards to recording music. Because he’s a DJ or he does DJ and does music. But I didn’t know he did not at all. I don’t know if he I don’t even know if he changed his number. At the time. I didn’t even know if he changed his number because I was hard blocked everywhere. I forgot to say that I was like everywhere, like tick tock, Snapchat, everything. He bought me everywhere. So he

Chris Seiter 03:15

blocked you. But you still felt like you had the phone. He didn’t block you texting wise.

Kimberly 03:23

He did. But I thought that maybe after all that time past, it was possible that he unblocked me. So I went ahead and did my reach outs via phone. But I could tell from other places that I was heart blocked. So I didn’t do it that way. I just did it over the phone. But he didn’t respond to either one. And then within like two months, he just reappeared. He was like, Hey, how you doing? You know, like, I just disappeared for eight months. But hey, so it was just kind of interesting, because that was the first time and then we broke up again. And I kind of messed that one up. I didn’t follow the

Chris Seiter 04:06

let’s, let’s hit the let’s hit the brakes here for a little bit. So he he basically has you heard locked everywhere. You’re not even sure if he even got the original DJ type text messages. And then after a couple of months, he just reaches out to you and you’re able to rekindle things and get back into a relationship. Yes. Okay. And then he breaks up with you again.

Kimberly 04:29

Yes. And he admitted that he got my texts. We did. Okay, so we’ve got my

Chris Seiter 04:35

blocked on the phone, you know, we kind of assumed correctly. But did he give any insight about why he didn’t respond to the texts?

Kimberly 04:45

He told me that he didn’t feel like he was in a good place to talk to me at the time. I think that his life was just going downhill. And he didn’t feel adequate enough. I guess he didn’t really say that but just the way that he told me If that’s what it seemed like, and then I gave up, and he told me that he could feel that pull away because of the fact that I reached out. And he didn’t respond and I stopped reaching out.

Chris Seiter 05:15

Were maybe in the past you had done that just came.

Kimberly 05:20

In the past, I was constantly like trying to get a conversation over with with him.

Chris Seiter 05:27

Okay, so obviously, you’re back together, yay. And then how long does that relationship lasts before you kind of hit the off again phase

Kimberly 05:34

that lasted four months, the first time we lived together the second time we did not. We took it, I took it a lot slower the second time. Not in the beginning. I didn’t, but we kind of slowed it down. And he actually wanted to take it slower as well. But I don’t know if he had some things going on in his life in the background that I didn’t know about. Because one day he was just like, this is way too much for me. And again,

Chris Seiter 06:02

any signs at all that you kind of picked up on or what for you? Was it out of the blue?

Kimberly 06:09

Yeah, there were signs he started pulling away, he started not wanting to see me or canceling plans. He started not really talking as much because in the beginning, he was very much wanting to rekindle things and then he would kind of fall away.

Chris Seiter 06:27

How did you personally react to that? Were you did you kind of fall back into the anxious tendencies when he would pull away like that?

Kimberly 06:36

Sometimes I did. And sometimes I really stuck with being more secure and just let him have a space. It really depended on the issue. Like sometimes he was a little jealous about things, and then I would kind of get more anxious. But if it was just like, hey, I’m busy. I really can’t deal with this right now. I would give him a space.

Chris Seiter 06:59

The irony of the guy who put the fake girlfriend on the phone being jealous is funny to me. Yeah.

Kimberly 07:05

He’s an ironic man, for sure.

Chris Seiter 07:09

Okay, so basically, you’re going through another breakup, you’re kind of back to where you started again, what happens next.

Kimberly 07:16

I immediately when I went in, and a contact, he actually broke up with me over Facebook Messenger. And I didn’t actually get to see him. Because the first time we broke up, I physically saw him and we talked about it. But the second time, he was just completely in avoidant mode. And he just did it over text and blocked me immediately. So I didn’t try to reach out, I just left it at that. And we immediately went into no contact, did the process all over again. Did my reach outs I did to reach out, he didn’t respond. And this time, I think he changed. So it’s deja vu, right. And it’s kind of funny, because we were together eight months, the first time and apart eight months. And then we were together for months and apart for months.

Chris Seiter 08:02

Okay, you’re saying this guy’s got a pattern

Kimberly 08:05

he does. He definitely has a pattern. Um, but he didn’t reach at it and respond to either one of those, as well. And then he reached out to me within because it was added a month, no contact, and with it. So within three months, because we were apart for four months, he reached out to me from a different phone number, didn’t identify himself. And I think it was a burner phone number or like a text now phone number because I have a friend who has one of those apps that can pull it up. And it wouldn’t pull up who the owner was, while two days later, I didn’t respond to that. Two days later, he reached out again with his actual phone number and told me who he was. And then he

Chris Seiter 08:51

wanted to ever get some insight into why he did that. No,

Kimberly 08:55

I didn’t. I didn’t even ask him about it. Because I didn’t want to assume that it was him. But just the fact that he reached out two days later. Just told me it was him. So yeah.

Chris Seiter 09:09

He’s thinking about you for sure. So obviously, he reac