Most of the time when I conduct one of my success story interviews it’s with someone who worked the program and got their ex back.

But I define success with our program in multiple ways.

For me, deciding NOT to get your ex back and moving on to someone else is every bit of a success as actually getting an ex back.

Especially if moving on to someone else causes you to realize just how poorly your ex was treating you.

Such was the case with Ellen in my success story interview with her.

Not only did she move on to someone new but,

• She realized that her ex was a hardcore narcissist


• She found a life long friend in our battle buddy program


• She gained more confidence

Listen to her story in our newest success story!

Interview Transcript

Chris Seiter 00:03

All right, today we’re gonna be talking to a really interesting success story. This is Ellen, who ended up posting in our community last week or sometime around there. But she’s not your typical success story. She joined the program to originally get her ex back, and then decided that Well, I guess she found a better guy. But thank you so much for coming on and doing this. Thank you. So why don’t you take us back to the beginning of when you’re going through your breakup some of the emotions that your feeling and kind of what led up to you moving on and finding someone

Ellen 00:42

different? Okay. It was like, one year and three months ago, it wasn’t the beginning of Yeah. To to make 22,002 is

Chris Seiter 00:57

like a pretty long time ago.

01:02

And we actually broke up with me, I think it was last Saturday, and he texted me, it was a really bad breakup.

Chris Seiter 01:15

What did he say exactly? In the text?

01:19

He didn’t want to meet me. And I asked him why. And he said that he wanted to break up with me. So was nothing more than that. But he called me and we talked about loss really bad. Because I have been with him for four years. was out of the blue. Sort of a

Chris Seiter 01:48

out of the you didn’t like notice any signs about him becoming distant up until the breakup?

01:54

No. Nothing like that. No, no, so much.

Chris Seiter 02:00

So obviously, he breaks up with you. And then I’m assuming you go to Google or YouTube or wherever to try to find ways to get your ex back. And is that pretty much how that went down?

02:11

Yeah, that’d be I looked up. Almost every video you have on YouTube

Chris Seiter 02:19

every day. That’s like 600. Ellen.

02:23

Yeah, almost every.

Chris Seiter 02:28

So eventually, you come into the program. And you start, I guess, the program to try to get your ex back. How did that go?

02:41

It didn’t go good at all. I was too anxious. So I couldn’t handle it. And I needed more time. And he wasn’t nice to me. So we started to fight all the time. And he started to date another woman.

Chris Seiter 03:01

So he’s, so he starts to date another woman. I’m assuming at some point, you do like a No Contact Rule. To them. Do you remember how long you made it?

03:15

60 days, I think both 60

Chris Seiter 03:17

days you did 260? Day in Hong Kong? What was the thinking behind doing that? The 60 days?

03:25

was the longest time you can do according to ERP. So I did it, because they

Chris Seiter 03:31

did. So you did a 60 day No Contact Rule, which is actually a little bit longer than we recommend. But what’s what’s interesting is, I’m assuming you kind of broke it prematurely a few times. Yes. What? So how many times or what was what prompted you to break it a bunch of times like that?

03:58

I was sad and anxious. That’s all it was really hard to stay away. Okay.

Chris Seiter 04:06

So, so you you break the No Contact Rule? I’m assuming it doesn’t go well.

04:11

No, it didn’t answer or he told me to stop writing or Yeah.

Chris Seiter 04:17

Okay. So what do you do after that when he tells you basically, like, leave me alone? Stop writing. What what’s your approach after that?

04:27

I left him alone for like, one week, and then they wrote again, he did it again. Yeah, I did all the mistakes. You can you can do.

Chris Seiter 04:39

So like at some point, I think you decide to give up, right. Is that is that kind of what ends up happening?

04:47

We’ll see. You during Christmas. Last year. I applied for a job at a big bank in Sweden and he worked there and When I told him about it, he threatened me and was really angry. You told me around you? Yeah. Yeah. He told me that. If I started working there, he will quit his job and he will sell his apartment and move in with his parents and everything is my fault.

Chris Seiter 05:22

I see. Yeah. I assume did you end up taking the bank job? No,

05:28

I didn’t take it. But it was. It was too much for me. He even blocked me. So I think he was too immature. I mean,

Chris Seiter 05:38

yeah. Okay, so So basically, at that point, that was the last straw for you, the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak.

05:47

Yeah. I couldn’t talk to him after that, because I was blocked almost everywhere

Chris Seiter 05:52

and everywhere. Are you still blocked to this day?

05:55

Yes. Not on Facebook, but everywhere else. So.

Chris Seiter 05:59

So he still wants a small window into your life on Facebook? Yeah. But what’s interesting is, the story is about to take a good turn. So eventually, you meet this new guy, you basically give up on that axe and start moving on.

06:15

Yeah. How did that happen? I actually got a lot of help from my battle, buddy. I have one from the ERP group. And she helps me a lot, and also the group read almost everything in it. And I think it’s really good for mental health. And I wanted to meet someone better, someone which I can have a family with. So I started to date, but it was not a good in the beginning. I had Tinder, but it’s not that good.

Chris Seiter 06:54

So you tried Tinder, it didn’t work out so well.

06:59

So I actually downloaded a more mature app. And a guy brought me and we saw each other after like three days.

Chris Seiter 07:10

Do you remember what the app was called? Yeah. match.com. Oh, match. Okay.

07:17

I’m sure it’s an international app. I guess.

Chris Seiter 07:21

No, no, we have match.com here in the States. It’s just not as popular. I guess. Tinder got the dating market share something. But I remember match.com. And it was going on. So eventually you you meet someone on match.com.

07:36

And

Chris Seiter 07:39

and how did that go?

07:41

Well, he was really nice. And he’s actually a gentleman. It’s not that common. It’s pretty rare in my age, and he actually holds every door for me. And he pays for me when we are out and eat at restaurants and even holds my bag. He does everything for me. It’s

Chris Seiter 08:06

so I’m assuming your ex boyfriend did not do those things.

08:11

And maybe it didn’t even buy me a Christmas present or what? No Christmas presents? No, it was really mean to me.

Chris Seiter 08:22

So that’s interesting to me. Why do you think it took you so long to get to that place where you’re like, you know what, I deserve better?

08:30

I think it is because you have a vision. You can see a future retirement, really liked his family and his friends and his life. I wanted to be a part of it. But you don’t see the bigger picture. You don’t think about it in that way. It’s more like a dream. And it’s hard to lose that. I think that’s

Chris Seiter 09:00

disappeared. It looks like we’re having some technical difficulties. And my back. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, I think that was a really poignant way of putting that, that you kind of like, hold on to that vision. And you kind of don’t want to let it go. Obviously, we’re doing this interview to kind of really speak to people in the group and show people that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, even if you don’t get your ex back the way you want. What would you say to someone listening to this, that struggling? Holding on to that vision? What what what are some words of advice from because you’ve already made it through you’ve made it to the promised land so to speak, what do you tell people who are struggling?

09:52

Give it a lot of time. It took me over one year and do things you like for example Meet new friends and start a hobby. For example, I started training at a team, and the new guy even trains with me and I have a new friend, which I trained with. So do things you like and meet new friends and just keep busy and try to be patient takes a lot of time. And I think almost like 80% of the people in the group deserves so much better. Yeah. It’s really important to look after red flags and be and don’t use Tinder, for example, you can use it but you need to be very, I don’t know, either. really careful. And

Chris Seiter 10:55

well, let’s talk a little bit about that. You say you need to be careful on Tinder. What’s what’s informing That? That? Words,

11:05

a lot of guys. They only want sex. So they do will say whatever they want. They try to make you think otherwise. So you think they want a relationship or a future with you, but in and when they get six, they disappear. So I think you should. It’s actually my battle buddy. From ERP, she actually taught me this. She actually made me wait a lo