This is a complete guide to the major stages of heartbreak after a breakup.

In this in-depth guide, you’re going to learn,

• About the science of heartbreak


• What I believe to be the 8 stages of grief after a breakup


• What the most challenging stage is after a breakup


• How long you can expect the typical heartbreak period to last

So, if you’re ready to learn about the significant stages of heartbreak, this is the guide for you.

Let’s begin.

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The Science Of Heartbreak

The first thing you need to understand is we need to set the stage for what’s going on inside of your body.

And to set the stage for what’s going on inside your body, we need to look at the various chemicals or, rather, the various players.

And ultimately, those boil down to:

• Cortisol


• Dopamine


• Norepinephrine


• And Serotonin.

All right, so a quick crash course on each one.

Cortisol is considered a stress hormone.

So often, you’ll find that it’s exceptionally elevated during breakups.

Dopamine is actually associated with pleasure, reward, arousal, and desire.

We often see this often with the honeymoon period at the beginning of a relationship.

Norepinephrine is about increasing memory for new stimuli, but it just makes you extra excitable.

Once again, very common to see this during the honeymoon period.

And then, finally, we have serotonin.

Serotonin is cortisol’s foil. So cortisol is the stress hormone that makes you almost obsessive-compulsive after a breakup.

Serotonin is considered a mood stabilizer, and it helps stop OCD from occurring.

Okay, now that we have sort of the stage set, let’s talk about what happens at the outset of a breakup.

So at the very beginning of a relationship, a lot of the chemicals your brain will release into your body are elevated.

Cortisol will be slightly elevated, but dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin are significantly elevated.

And this is what creates the euphoria of a honeymoon period.

In the middle of a relationship, those various chemicals come back down to normal levels.

Heartbreak is a little bit different.

When you go through a breakup, dopamine, norepinephrine, and, most importantly, serotonin go way down, and cortisol goes way up.

This is important because cortisol creates a potentially significant issue for you when it becomes highly elevated.

So one of the best quotes I’ve seen on cortisol after a breakup happened was from this particular man named Jamie Lee, who was featured in an article for bodyandsoul.com.

He argued that, on average, it can take three to four hours for your cortisol levels to return to normal after a stress response. So let’s say you get into an argument or have a high-stakes meeting, and your cortisol shoots up, but after three or four hours, it returns to normal.

But if your levels have been high for some time, it can take up to six months to balance them out.

On average, it’s only supposed to take you three hours. But imagine you’re going through something so stressful that it keeps cortisol in this elevated state.

In that case, the cortisol takes so much longer to level out. And this is the core foundation for why people struggle so much during breakups.

The breakup is obviously stressful.

It triggers cortisol to stay in that elevated state for an extended period.

And if it’s in that state for a long time, what happens?

You will be very, very stressed for the next six months. There’s just no way around it.

Let’s move on to the eight stages of grief after a breakup.

Understanding The Eight Stages Of Heartbreak After A Breakup

This one requires an introduction. I was inspired by this article I found on Psychology Today, written by a clinical psychologist named Susan Lachmann.

She argues that we always know the five stages of grief after a breakup.

But when it comes to breakups, she claims there are seven grief stages.

And I’ve written about this in the past, but the more I’ve sat and thought about it, the more I would like to alter her stages.

It’s not that I disagree with them.

I actually do agree with them.

I just think they’re not ordered correctly.

And there’s one stage that is missing. So to give you a reference, her seven stages are as follows,

1. Desperate for answers


2. Denial


3. Bargaining


4. Relapse


5. Anger


6. Initial Acceptance


7. Redirected Hope

I love these stages, but for me, there are eight stages.

So, here are my eight stages.

1. Desperation


2. Pain and Guilt


3. Bargaining


4. Anger


5. Depression


6. Initial Acceptance


7. Relapse


8. Actual Acceptance

So let’s take a moment and go through each one of these because I feel like each one merits an explanation.

Stage #1: Desperation

So stage one is considered the desperation stage. This is where you are desperate for answers after a breakup.

The most common marker you are in this stage is frantically going to Google or YouTube to search for breakup information.

• Why you’re feeling, what you’re feeling,


• how to get your ex back,


• ways to trick your ex back,

You find yourself typing into Google all these things that you would never have thought you were capable of typing. And it’s all just because you’re desperate to understand what happened.

Here’s the funny thing. My team and I have found that most of our clients have anxious attachment styles.

And the fascinating marker for someone with an anxious attachment style is they are very big on trying to solve problems.

And it fits, you know, if you’re desperate for answers, you’re going to Google or YouTube to solve a problem.

So that’s the desperation stage.

Stage #2: Pain And Guilt

This will be where you start to notice many of those anxious triggers coming into play.

• Desperation


• Fear of abandonment


• Begging


• Pleading


• Seeking re-assurance

But more than anything

I want to turn your attention to what I consider to be codependent shaming.

So my wife and I recently wrote this great article on how to handle codependence after a breakup.

We personally believe many of our clients tend to be too codependent. And as a result, they shame themselves and have these negative self-beliefs that they trap themselves with. And this is pret