For centuries, debating has been prized as an art form, but there’s now a growing science of how to do it well. In a formal debate your goal is to change the mind of your audience. In an informal debate, you’re trying to change the mind of your conversation partner. That’s a kind of negotiation, where you’re trying to reach an

agreement about the truth. To build my knowledge and skills about how to win debates, I studied the psychology of negotiations and eventually used what I’d learned to teach bargaining skills to leaders

across business and government. I came away convinced that my instincts—and what I’d learned in karate—were dead wrong.

A good debate is not a war. It’s not even a tug-of-war, where you can drag your opponent to your side if you pull hard enough on the rope. It’s more like a dance that hasn’t been choreographed, negotiated with a partner who has a different set of steps in mind. If

you try too hard to lead, your partner will resist. If you can adapt your moves to hers, and get her to do the same, you’re more likely to end up in rhythm.

In a classic study, a team of researchers led by Neil Rackham examined what expert negotiators do differently. They recruited one group of average negotiators and another group of highly skilled ones, who had significant track records of success and had been rated as effective by their counterparts. To compare the participants’ techniques, they recorded both groups doing labor and contract negotiations.

In a war, our goal is to gain ground rather than lose it, so we’re often afraid to surrender a few battles. In a negotiation, agreeing with someone else’s argument is disarming. The experts recognized that in their dance they couldn’t stand still and expect the other person to make all the moves. To get in harmony, they needed to step back from time to time.

One difference was visible before anyone even arrived at the bargaining table. Prior to the negotiations, the researchers interviewed both groups about their plans. The average negotiators went in armed for battle, hardly taking note of any anticipated areas of agreement. The experts, in contrast, mapped out a series of dance

steps they might be able to take with the other side, devoting more than a third of their planning comments to finding common ground.

✅ Debating: Discussing or arguing about a topic, مناظره کردن

✅ Prized: Highly valued or appreciated, ارزشمند

✅ Art form: A type of creative expression, شکل هنری

✅ Formal debate: An organized, official argument, مناظره رسمی

✅ Informal debate: A casual discussion or argument, مناظره غیررسمی

✅ Change someone’s mind: To persuade someone, نظر کسی را تغییر دادن

✅ Conversation partner: The person you are talking to, طرف مکالمه

✅ Negotiation: Discussion to reach an agreement, مذاکره

✅ Reach an agreement: To come to a mutual understanding, به توافق رسیدن

✅ Bargaining skills: Skills used to negotiate effectively, مهارت‌های چانه‌زنی

✅ Across business and government: In both business and governmental contexts, در حوزه کسب‌وکار و دولت

✅ Come away convinced: To leave an experience with a strong belief, با اطمینان بیرون آمدن

✅ Instincts: Natural reactions or gut feelings, غریزه

✅ Dead wrong: Completely wrong, کاملاً اشتباه

✅ Tug-of-war: A struggle for control, طناب‌کشی / نبرد قدرت

✅ Drag someone to your side: To forcefully convince someone, کسی را به طرف خود کشاندن

✅ Choreographed: Planned or arranged in advance, برنامه‌ریزی شده

✅ Resist: To oppose or not comply, مقاومت کردن

✅ Adapt to someone: To adjust your behavior or approach, خود را وفق دادن

✅ End up in rhythm: To become coordinated or harmonious, هماهنگ شدن

✅ Track record of success: A history of achievements, سابقه موفقیت

✅ Rated as effective: Evaluated as successful or competent, به‌عنوان مؤثر ارزیابی شدن

✅ Gain ground: To make progress, پیشرفت کردن

✅ Lose ground: To fall behind, عقب افتادن

✅ Disarming: Reducing hostility or defensiveness, آرام‌کننده / خلع‌سلاح‌کننده

✅ Step back from time to time: To pause or take a break occasionally, گاهی چند قدم عقب رفتن

✅ Bargaining table: The place where negotiation happens, میز مذاکره

✅ Armed for battle: Fully prepared and ready to fight, آماده برای نبرد

✅ Anticipated areas of agreement: Expected points of consensus, زمینه‌های توافق پیش‌بینی شده

✅ Common ground: Shared interests or points of agreement, زمینه مشترک