Welcome to another episode of the Ex Girlfriend Recovery Podcast.

Today, we’re going to be tackling one of the most common questions that I tend to get, and you may be wondering after your breakup, which is the quandary of going through a breakup and having your ex girlfriend basically say, “It’s not you. It’s me.”

We’re going to really dive down deep and explore what she means when she says that and what you can do about it. And in some cases, understanding or coming to the realization that there’s nothing you can do and being okay with that.

So what I’m going to do, and if you don’t know, how this podcast typically works is I take questions.

So basically, listeners of this podcast come, they’re able to film a quick question for me anywhere between usually a minute to a minute and a half.

And I play the question, and then I answer it as organically as possible.

But before I actually play the question from our listener, I would first like to say that if you’re going through a breakup, and you’re really determining whether or not you should be trying to get your ex-girlfriend back or really just moving on from your ex-girlfriend, probably the best resource that you can use is something called the Ex Recovery Chances Quiz on my website, www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com.

It’s a simple two minute quiz designed to basically answer the question of whether or not you have a good chance of getting your ex back. And you can use that information to really determine whether or not you should be trying to get your ex back or should be focusing on moving on.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

A Listener Asks What It Means When An Ex Says It’s Not You, It’s Me?

Hello, Chris?

My question is the following. What does that mean when my ex… Or yeah, when a girlfriend tells you, it’s not you, it’s me? She says she is not in love with me, but she loves me.

And how is that possible, from someone who loves you the previous month? And then the next month, they don’t love you anymore.

Why is that?

It’s not you it’s me.

So first off, I want to say like always.

Thank you so much for basically recording a question. I know sometimes it can be hard to put your heart out on the line and make yourself vulnerable, but you ask a really good. And the question is, what does your ex mean, essentially, when she says, “Hey, it’s not you. It’s me.” And what’s interesting is a few months ago, I actually wrote an article for Ex Girlfriend Recovery, entitled What She Says Versus What She Means.

The article was entitled to be basically a starter article that, as time went on, I was going to add more to it, based on real life consensus from women.

So if you don’t know, anyone who buys any of the programs that I basically have gets access to this special private Facebook support group.

I believe there’s 4200, 4300 people in there, as of today. And what’s really interesting is it’s a really nice mix of women and men, but more so women because the group originally was started for women, and it gained so much traction and success that we opened it up for men.

But what’s really cool is most of the time what I’m finding from our male clients who are going through a breakup, that get into the Facebook group, is they’ll actually use women to decipher, “Hey, what does it mean when my ex-girlfriend says this or this?” And so what’s interesting is that was kind of the approach I took when I was writing this article on what your ex girlfriend says versus what she actually means.

And so essentially, what I did was I polled people in Ex Girlfriend Recovery and I asked them,

“Hey, what is the five most important things that you want girls to decode for you?” What does my ex mean when she says this?

And I came up with those five most important things, but what’s interesting is not one of them was, “Hey, what does it mean when my ex-girlfriend says, “It’s not you. It’s me.”

But one of the things that men were wondering what women meant when they said it was, “Hey, what does it mean when my ex-girlfriend says that her feelings have changed for me, or she’s not into me so much anymore?”

And I actually think that’s kind of close enough to what the it’s not you, it’s me type mentality that women have is. And what was really interesting is for pretty much all of the other four things that I had polled people that men wanted to know, there was a pretty clear consensus.

Women were pretty united on what they thought. Maybe there was a couple of different meanings that women thought it could mean, but for the most part, it was pretty straightforward. Actually, you know what? It’s probably even helpful for me to just pull the article up for you, so that you can actually know what those five things were.

Okay. So here they are. The five things, the five most important things that men really wanted to know what their ex-girlfriends meant.

1. What does it mean when my ex-girlfriend says that she changed?


2. What does it mean when my ex-girlfriend says that she hates me?


3. What does it mean when my ex-girlfriend says it’s too late?


4. What does it mean when my ex-girlfriend says we’re just friends?


5. What does it mean when my ex-girlfriend told me to move on?

And really, when I look at these five things, the one that really sticks out to me as closest to the it’s not you, it’s me mentality is, “Hey, what does my ex girlfriend mean when she says she’s changed?”

Now like I said, for the other four things, the consensus was pretty standard. Women typically thought that those four things meant usually one thing. The one exception was number one, which is what does my ex-girlfriend mean when she says that she’s changed. And it’s interesting because that, I think, is the closest to the it’s not you, it’s me mentality phrase that your ex-girlfriend is saying.

Here’s What Your Ex Girlfriend Really Means When She Says It’s Not You, It’s Me

And there were actually three patterns that we noticed emerged from the women in this Facebook group, that basically just told me what they thought that it meant. And here were the three patterns.

Number one is my feelings have changed for you, or I’m not feeling attracted to you anymore.

So essentially, and I noticed in the listener’s question, he had mentioned that just last month, everything seemed normal.

We were just going about our lives normally. She was saying, “I love you.” I loved her very much.

And then all of a sudden, it just falls off. Well, it just seems like some type of catalyst caused her feelings to change, or maybe she was doing a good job of hiding the fact that she wasn’t as attracted to you as she thought.

But that’s not the only thing women thought it could mean.

They also thought it could mean, “Hey, I don’t like you very much.”

And this is a typical thing that I’ve seen, actually, with women who are really angry about the fact that you’re flirting with other women.

Not saying that’s what’s going on here. I’m just brainstorming, giving you kind of the broad view of what women thought it meant.

And then I’m going to give you my thoughts on what I think you should do.

But like I said, they thought, “Well, okay, well, they don’t like you that much anymore.” I’m not into you that much anymore. This is almost very closely related to the my feelings have changed for you type thing.

The third one I think is probably the most insightful, and that’s the fact that she feels that she has outgrown your relationship.

So she feels like maybe a month ago, you were in a good place, but sometime in that month she decided, or had some sort of epiphany and decided, “I’ve outgrown this relationship,” or “This relationship has beneath me.” And I think it kind of does stem from the fact that maybe she feels she can do better than you.

And really all breakups are kind of an emission of th