Many people think influence is something you’re born with or something that comes from a title or a position. But I believe the best influence comes from being a living example. You can become influential by how you live. And it all starts with one thing: virtuous self-control.

Hey there. It’s me, Kore. And you’re listening to Exercising Self-Control: From Fitness To Flourishing.

I learned this from a martial arts instructor I trained under about 20 years ago. He didn’t need his rank or his position as lead instructor to command respect. When he spoke, people listened. Not from fear, from respect. He demonstrated mastery over himself first. His discipline, his effort, his technique; everything was on point. That’s where his power came from. I aspired to that same level of performance.

I’m on the right. The instructor I reference in the episode is not pictured.

Here are five principles you can use to be more influential.

Principle 1: The Foundation

Virtuous self-control is the best source of influence. You cannot intentionally direct the experiences of others until you’ve established mastery over your own thoughts, words, and deeds. That instructor didn’t just teach technique, he embodied it. Every movement was precise. Every correction came from someone who had already won those battles internally. Everything flowed from that foundation.

Principle 2: Measure What Matters

Here’s how you know if you’re actually influencing people: measure the positive difference you create. Not your reach. Not your rank. Real influence leaves a mark. That instructor measured success by whether his students actually improved, whether they believed in themselves more, whether they showed up differently in or outside the school. That’s influence.

Principle 3: Practice On Yourself First

You must make influence a practice. And here’s the key: practice it on yourself first until it becomes second nature. You must live the process before you can teach it. That instructor didn’t ask his students to do anything he hadn’t mastered himself. He knew his own limits. He knew his own obstacles. He’d already won those internal battles.

Principle 4: Power Requires Discipline

Every increase in influence demands an equal increase in self-control. If self-control lags behind, you lose your personal excellence.

Think about a leader who starts cutting corners and stops training themselves with the same intensity. Who says one thing but does another. Their influence collapses. It’s like poor technique under pressure. The heavier the resistance, the faster the poor technique breaks down. Power without discipline does not last.

Principle 5: Learn In A Context

This is why I recommend developing virtuous self-control with an exercise practice. It’s concrete. It’s measurable. It immediately shows you the gap between what you intend and what you actually do. When you workout you can’t fake it. Either you execute or you don’t. And your performance will reflect your effort both in the short-term and in the long-term.

The Paradox

Here’s the paradox that makes this so life changing: the greater your self-control, the greater your freedom. The boundaries you set for your own behaviour are the constraints that provide your liberation. You’ll experience more freedom because you’ll have mastered yourself. By making disciplined choices you’ll find facing challenges easier.

So here’s my challenge for you this week: pick one discipline (e.g. your training, your practice, your daily routine) and set the example you’d like others to follow. Live that standard, especially when no one’s watching. Those are the moments that you change most. Then notice who starts following your lead.

That’s it for today. Catch you next time.

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