We’re taught to treat anger like a bomb—dangerous, destructive, proof that something is broken. But what if anger isn’t the enemy? What if it’s the smoke alarm in your relationship, not the fire itself?

In this episode of Coupled With…, I break down why anger feels so threatening—whether you’re the one who’s angry or the one on the receiving end—and how it actually functions as a nervous system signal that something important needs attention.

We’ll explore:

• Why the angry partner often feels like they’re fighting for the relationship, while the receiving partner feels attacked.
• How dismissing anger breeds resentment and fuels painful stories of being “too much” or “unlovable.”
• The difference between treating anger as a threat (shut down, withdraw, punish) versus a signal (get curious, set boundaries, repair).
• Practical ways to respond to anger that honor the emotion without letting it hijack the room.

The goal isn’t to eliminate anger—it’s impossible and, honestly, would rob your relationship of honesty and passion. The goal is to respond differently. To see anger as an entry point to connection, not the end of it.

If anger has felt like the fire that burns everything down, this episode will help you reframe it as the alarm—loud, yes, but useful. A signal saying: Please don’t miss me here.

Listen in, and let’s start treating anger as the messenger, not the monster.

FREE Resources:

• Break the Cycle: 7 Day Email Course to Break the Conflict Cycle