You Don’t Want to Be Right—You Want to Be Understood
Update: 2025-09-08
Description
Winning the argument feels good for about two seconds—until the silence sets in and you realize you’re sitting next to someone who feels even further away. In this episode of Coupled With…, Dr. Rachel Orleck unpacks why being “right” in conflict so often leaves us lonelier, and what we’re really fighting for underneath the dishes, the tone, or the thermostat.
We’ll explore:
- Why proving your point rarely brings the closeness you want
- The painful loop of “scorekeeping” that makes both partners feel unseen
- A reframe that softens shame and reveals what you’re truly longing for
- How your nervous system reacts when you feel misunderstood (and why fights escalate so fast)
- The difference between the Conflict Loop and the Connection Loop
- A simple, one-line tool to shift arguments toward empathy instead of exhaustion
This isn’t about never fighting again. It’s about understanding the deeper need beneath the argument and choosing closeness over “rightness” when it matters most.
Free Resources:
Breaking The Cycle: 7 Day Email Course to Break the Fight Cycle
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