You know that moment mid-argument when you think, “Haven’t we had this exact fight before?” The same tone, the same roles, the same ending where both of you feel unseen. Every couple has a signature loop—what emotionally focused therapy calls a negative cycle.

In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck breaks down the three most common fight loops from EFT—Find the Bad Guy, The Protest Polka, and Freeze and Flee—and explains why they all share one thing in common: when love feels shaky, your nervous system trades connection for protection.

Learn how to recognize your own pattern, understand what your reactions are really protecting, and start practicing small, nervous-system-safe interruptions that stop the spiral before it takes over.

Rachel also introduces her grounding tool, Pause, Name, and Soften, a simple three-step practice to help you shift from reactivity to reconnection.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same argument on repeat, this episode will help you see your cycle clearly—and start changing it for good.

Key Topics Covered:

• Why couples repeat the same fight over and over
• The 3 negative cycles: Find the Bad Guy, Protest Polka, Freeze & Flee
• How the nervous system drives conflict patterns
• Why “communication problems” are really protection problems
• How to interrupt the loop using Pause, Name, and Soften
• What co-regulation looks like in real-time repair

Resources:

Break the Cycle Self-Guided Workbook to break the fight cycle in 7 days

WA state residents can inquire about therapy: www.northseattlecouplescounseling.com