If you’ve ever wondered why you and your partner seem to be on completely different wavelengths when it comes to sex and intimacy—you’re not alone.

In this episode of Coupled With…, I sit down with Dennis and Kim Eames, EFT couples therapists (and a married couple themselves), to explore the crisscross pattern: when one partner reaches for emotional closeness while the other reaches for sexual connection. What often follows? Misunderstandings, pressure, rejection—and a deep sense of loneliness, even when you’re right beside each other.

We break down:

• Why one partner often pursues emotionally while the other pursues sexually
• How these patterns can accidentally send messages of rejection or unworthiness
• The difference between solace sex and sealed-off sex—and why neither leads to true closeness
• Small but powerful ways to translate your bids for connection so your partner doesn’t miss them

This isn’t about who’s right or wrong. Underneath both patterns is the same longing: Do you want me? Do I matter to you?

If intimacy has ever felt like a battleground in your relationship, this conversation will help you see the cycle clearly—and start shifting it toward connection instead of disconnection.

About Dennis & Kim Eames, LMFTs

Dennis and Kim are passionate about guiding couples through the Emotionally Focused Therapy process that transformed their own marriage. When the quick fixes and band-aids stopped holding things together, EFT helped them rebuild into a securely connected partnership—one with more stability, closeness, and passion than they imagined possible.

Both are Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists practicing in Federal Way, WA, and across the state via telehealth. Together, they also lead Hold Me Tight Seattle workshops for couples.

• Dennis is a Certified EFT Couple, Family, and Individual Therapist & Supervisor
• Learn more: Infinity Family Therapy | EFT Intensives | Hold Me Tight Seattle | Facebook

Resources from Dr. Rachel

💌 Free 7-Day Email Course: Break the Cycle

🌐 Explore my new site + projects: Attachment Revolution