It’s too easy to simplify the things that asks us to see as multidimensional, and it’s too easy to over complicate the things that are pretty simple.

How I define truth has been swirling around in my system for the past few weeks. Idealistically, truth is what lines up best with reality and facts…but I’ve been challenging myself to lean into nuance a little more.

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Ismatu Gwendolyn writes this in her essay “the role of the artist is to load the gun”:

Art-making is divine in its ability to make and shape and reshape what we come to understand as real, relevant, true (A=C).

Truth, the ability to shape it and to market it and to have others strengthen it with their own belief, carves out reality; reality is just what we collectively agree upon; multiple realities exist at once, even from person to person.

Truth, just like any other weapon, can act as an agent of oppression or a means of liberation, depending on who crafts the narrative.

It makes me uncomfy to think people’s truth can be shaped, but OF COURSE. Think about the zionist propaganda, anti communist propaganda, anti Black propaganda, anti Indigenous propaganda, pro white supremacy propaganda, pro capitalism propaganda! Truth is shaped so that it benefits the white and rich. In my book…sure all the propaganda isn’t considered as truth, but what does that matter when it does to the masses?

Being raised evangelical christian, I was taught that truth was fixed…and then I was taught about the “truth” of creationism, being gay is bad, men should be the head of the household, etc. The irony! They shaped truth that I held as truly true for my whole upbringing. Thinking back to all the truths I believed with my heart makes me reckon with how shapeable truth really is.

Back to the first sentence of this post. An example is that it’s too easy to simplify that abolition is a goal that’s too lofty, and it’s too easy to over complicate that genocide is wrong - and it needs to stop now.

Something I’ve been checking myself on is how much of my efforts for collective liberation is proving to myself I’m on the right side of history…and therefore is rooted in perfectionism or even saviorism(?). Thinking out loud here. I think it’s ok to strive to be on the right side of history, but that better not be the motivator. If it is, I know that there is no longevity to the pursuit…in a way, it’s performative.

I hope my motivations are rooted in love and integrity because I care that everyone deserves to have all their needs met and to be safe. There’s nothing for me to prove.

Recently, I’ve been having conversations with friends about folks who have done harm in the community. I keep on thinking that everything that I loathe in those people lives in me. In another timeline with slightly different circumstances, I am capable of doing everything I’m condemning. Also, I’m not exempt from causing harm in the future, and actually what I do know for sure is that I will f**k up. And I have fucked up in the past.

I’m practicing not watering down harm and systemic abuse while looking in the mirror to see what needs healing and deconditioning within myself.

Shadow work and seeing how this fucked up system has conditioned us is very key to our liberation. I have to say - the seduction as a leftist to really indulge in the feelings of supremacy are STRONG. I feel the pull! Using leftist beliefs to boost my ego and give myself false confidence in the future is easy.

Read this full post about “good people” from @thecollectress on IG:

(ID: white text in front of a black background. Text says “Dr. Maya Angelou said, ‘We are all human; therefore, nothing human can be alien to me.’ As someone who has done transformative justice mediation and believes in the power of collective practices, I do not wish to be separated from my fellow humans because my access to better choices has allowed me to maintain the mask of goodness far better than them. I would rather lay my head down without fear that my less favorable traits will have me thrown away. I would rather be comforted and provide comfort that in meeting the challenging asks of accountability, I will be reminded that my breath alone is enough to ensure that I am valuable. And while I say these words, let me be clear I know some of us we share this planet with ain’t s**t. That does not deter me. An ask that we let go of our complicity in the packing of YT supremacy is acceptance of the messiness that will come as people have their mirrored illusions cracked.”)

The call is to see through the conditioning and propaganda, to hold ourselves accountable in community, and to make decisions from a place of true love and hope for what could be.

There’s beauty in seeing myself as complicated and nuanced. I get to stumble and be messy while keeping my eye on the north star. All that can happen while staying grounded in integrity and loving relationship.

On my path with healing from the trauma from this life time on top of trying to heal from systemic trauma that is inflicted every day (exhausting), I know that when I’m in an active trauma response, my system very naturally distills things to become very stark. Words like “always,” “never,” “all good/bad” are underlined all over the place. Things suddenly become SO clear and definitive. Sometimes there is clarity amongst the storm, but guarantee when I’m triggered - things are more complex than they seem.

When my inner child feels threatened and unsafe, she sees things so simply. As she should! She’s a child. Also, my flight/fight/freeze/fawn response is so smart to conserve energy so that I can be safe. As I am reminded daily about the colonial violence inflicted on my Black, Palestinian, and Brown global siblings - and myself, my inner child feels triggered all the time. All the time. There’s so much room for that truth, because the fact is that this empire has been and is killing Black and Brown people every day in horrifying droves.

Bringing nuance to that embodied feeling of my inner child looks like, acknowledging that it’s so understandable to feel fear. Seeing dead Palestinian children and their moms, dads, uncles, aunties every day is sickening and the instinct that it’s not right should be protected. AND in this moment, in this room, in my presence (as an adult) she is safe - and we are so deeply grateful for that. There are things I can do as an adult that aligns with resisting injustice. I have agency. So grateful for that too.

I’m expanding my capacity to hold the truth of colonial violence, grief, and gratitude at the same(ish) time.

What does Liberatory Imagination spark in me today?

The ability to hold complexity with integrity with community. My body can’t take carrying it alone. My body feels tired and heavy all the time, and it’s time to lean onto my chosen family with more trust and less walls. The complexity is that they also get to be human and flawed like me. That can coexist with mutual accountability and tenderness.

How to support me (thank you in advance):

* Be a paid subscriber. All my posts are accessible for everyone, and it would mean so much to me on my path of figuring out how to sustain myself under capitalism.

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Upcoming events:

9.5 Liberatory Imagination: waves of change - virtual journaling workshop

(ID: self portrait of me - east asian femme with short bangs, bleached brows, two braids, in my apartment)

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