In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast  we're talking about something that many families find really tough, the Christmas season. It's a time that's meant to feel magical, but for many of our autistic children, it can actually be really overwhelming, unpredictable, and stressful.

Key Takeaways

Understanding Christmas Overwhelm: Many autistic children find the Christmas season stressful due to changes in routine and expectations.

Addressing Pre-Christmas Challenges: Difficulties can arise well before Christmas Day, with alterations in school activities and the build-up of holiday expectations.

Communication and Preparation: Clear communication about what to expect can help reduce anxiety in children. Discussing plans with them beforehand is crucial.

Adjusting Traditions: Families may wish to consider adapting their traditions to better suit their child's needs, such as avoiding large gatherings or adjusting meal times.

Managing Social Expectations: The pressure to participate in Christmas events, such as school plays and gatherings, can cause significant distress for neurodivergent children.

Sensory Sensitivities: Decorations and festive environments can be overwhelming, emphasising the need for a personalised approach to celebrations.

Flexibility on Christmas Day: It can be helpful to allow for breaks and personal space on Christmas Day, adapting activities to match children's comfort levels.

Creating a Supportive Environment: Setting up a calm and understanding atmosphere at home can make the season more enjoyable for neurodivergent family members.

Encouraging Open Dialogue: Encouraging children to express their needs, such as using visual aids to communicate comfort levels, can help.

Finding Joy in Simplicity: Embracing a less traditional Christmas that meets individual family needs can be just as fulfilling as adhering to societal expectations.

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Transcript

Victoria

Bennion: [00:00:00 ] Today

we're talking about something that many families find really tough.

It's the Christmas season. It's a time that's meant to feel magical,

but for many of our autistic children, it can actually be really

overwhelming, unpredictable, and stressful.

Natalie

Tealdi: We're gonna talk through some of the common

challenges that come long before Christmas Day. What happens on the

day itself, and what we've learned works for our families. Hopefully

it helps you feel a little more understood and a little more

supported this year.

Victoria

Bennion: For many of our children, the struggles start way

before Christmas day when everything starts to change. Routines are

different expectations, the look and the feel of a school. For one of

my children, these struggles were really apparent from preschool age

and they had a lot of trauma to work through in subsequent years of,

it sounds awful, doesn't it?

But the trauma from Christmas,

from doing Christmas at school every year.

Natalie

Tealdi: I know it's something that you think will be

really fun and I know that's where it comes from. It comes from a

[00:01:00 ] place of yeah, let's be a bit

more relaxed and make it really fun for the kids in a build up to

Christmas. But actually for some children it's just horrific.

Victoria

Bennion: Absolutely. And for some it is fun. I think worth

acknowledging that, but for our children, it's really not fun. I

remember there was an instance we went into school and they were

completely off timetable and. He was having so much anxiety. And I

said to the TA on the door, can you tell him what to expect from the

day? What have you got planned? And she said, oh, you know, lots of

fun things. And I thought we might as well just go back to the car

right now. He was horrified.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah. It's that not knowing what's happening,

isn't it? And everything being different and looking different.

Victoria

Bennion: The decorations there was one year the PTA did

this lovely winter wonderland outside the school and it was a

surprise to the children as they came in and we walked up the

pavement and there's all these oohs and ahs and there was a snow

machine and people dressed [00:02:00 ] up

and my son was completely white. Really, really anxious. I think he

made it into school, but he couldn't speak. He was just absolutely

horrified by it.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah, what used to upset my son was the Christmas

jumper days, so not wearing a school uniform that really upset him

because, you know, when we go to school we wear uniform and that's

just how it is and well, why are they changing it? And that creates

anxiety and uncertainty and it is things that are supposed to be fun

and that are fun for a lot of people, but not others.

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah, and actually when, I didn't know back then

that. Change had such an impact. That was in my oblivious era. But

actually when you think about it, there's so much change, isn't

there? Another pressure that I know my son felt was the Christmas

plays every year, and that's when I noticed it at preschool. It was

the first play and all the family were coming in. It was gonna be in

the village hall, and. I know my timekeeping [00:03:00 ]

isn't always the most amazing,

Natalie

Tealdi: No comment.

Victoria

Bennion: No come on. We were. We were not early, put it

that way. We were not early. But the reason we went early was because

he kept taking off his shepherd's costume. I kept putting it back on.

He kept taking it off and in the end I took him to the village hall

and took him to the room where all the children were and handed them

the costume. And I said, I can't. Get him to wear it. It wasn't that

he protested really loudly, he just kept taking it off. Looking back,

I feel so bad about that, that whole event, but I remember taking my

place in the audience.

Were you there? Did you come?

No, He must have been working.

So it was the wider family and, he was holding onto one of the

preschool workers' hands. She was lovely with him and he was wearing

his costume and they led them round and they sat up on the stage and

I watched him just sit on the stage frozen. He didn't join in. He was

supposed to do a dance. He didn't get up and do the [00:04:00 ]

dance and. I've just felt so awful for him. And in later years when I

knew that how much of a struggle that was for him, I looked back with

even more horror that he'd had to go through that. In fact, one of

the mums had a recording of it that I saw a couple of years ago, and

watching it back, I actually had to leave.

It was from a good place, but

looking at, oh, how cute are they? And all I could see was. Just the

terror. The terror in his face, and then the guilt that he'd gone

through that and I hadn't known.

Natalie

Tealdi: I think when you know, years later, things look

very different in their. I know I've looked back at videos and

thought, oh my gosh, he's really struggling there, and I had no idea

at the time. I didn't understand.

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah.

Natalie

Tealdi: But also I think with those plays, it's something

that you really look forward to as a mom and a parent.

Like just seeing them all cute

and dressed up. And it's something that you really look forward to

seeing, isn't it? And I don't think [00:05:00 ]

we've ever had a successful one

Victoria

Bennion: No.

Natalie

Tealdi: with either of mine.

Victoria

Bennion: No, I don't. I'm not sure that we have two. I

think the one in reception, I seem to remember they dressed up as

animals and that. Was the only one that he participated in. There

wasn't a stage, so maybe that was why. But they were down on the

floor just i