We love to glorify the “chill” partner—the one who doesn’t fight, doesn’t need much, and keeps everything smooth. But what looks like calm often hides a nervous system in overdrive. In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck unpacks how emotional suppression gets mislabeled as strength, why “low-maintenance” love can quietly erode trust, and how the pursue-withdraw cycle turns silence into self-protection.

Learn why avoidant patterns don’t come from a lack of love but from too much overwhelm—and how to begin replacing politeness with real safety. You’ll also hear how small, honest moments can transform disconnection into co-regulation.

If you’ve ever been called “the chill one” or wondered why your partner seems emotionally distant, this episode will help you see what’s really happening underneath the calm.

Key Topics Covered

• The cultural myth of the “chill” partner and why it’s secretly exhausting
• How emotional suppression becomes a survival strategy, not a personality trait
• The nervous-system logic behind withdrawal and shutdown
• How “calm” can actually signal dysregulation
• The pursue-withdraw dance and why both partners are protecting love in different ways
• What real calm and emotional authenticity look like in practice
• A simple reflection to move from I’m fine to I’m real

Celebration

Before diving in, Rachel celebrates a major milestone—over 1,000 downloads of Coupled With…! She shares heartfelt gratitude and invites listeners to leave a rating, review, or share the show to help others find this work.

Resources:

Want to explore working with Dr. Rachel in therapy?

Check out her private practice website: www.meaningfuljourneycounseling.com