Lords:

• Erica


• Judy
  
  
  
  
  • https://www.tiktok.com/@diluftmensch
  
  
  • https://www.tumblr.com/diluftmensch
  
  
  • https://bsky.app/profile/diluftmensch.bsky.social
  
  

Topics:

• The Pantone college experience


• Why is everyone with superpowers a crime fighter or a criminal


• Sell me on metal utensils


• Grand Avenue, by Ron Koertge
  
  
  
  
  • https://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php%3Fdate=2014%252F10%252F19.html
  
  
  • Abridged version: https://allpoetry.com/poem/14373111-Grand-Avenue-by-Ronald-Koertge
  
  


• Toothpaste is traditionally spicy

Microtopics:

• Just Judy.


• Telling your friends you love them.


• Taking a break from the Internet and staring at the ceiling.


• Realizing you need to take a break and then trying to figure out what you need to take a break from.


• Doing absolutely nothing for ten minutes.


• People who enjoy meditation explaining that you just need to meditate harder.


• Taking a depressing game and remaking it, reframing it as relaxing.


• Tetromino Chill.


• Asking "do I have the flu?" in French.


• Clicking on a wav file of Sleepwalk by Santo and Johnny and thinking "computer music is cool"


• Your college's particular shade of purple.


• The proliferation of this exact shade of purple now that Pantone has made it possible to exactly reproduce a color.


• The reason why can't we tell who's buff and sexy any more.


• Going to college to get sick of a particular color.


• Whether any place is as intensely branded as a college campus.


• What the founding fathers would think of this college campus' branding.


• James Madison inventing the signature duplicator.


• James Madison insisting that his entire family sleep sitting up.


• Colors that you can't use until you really mean it.


• Colors that are not allowed in the bathroom.


• Pantone inventing a way to pee any known color.


• Boom Box Guy.


• The professor with the glasses with two different color lenses who is constantly complaining about JMU Purple.


• Having jaws strong enough to eat bones and eating way more bones than you used to.


• Topics that have been in the bucket since the inception of the bucket.


• Unlimited energy. (Not limited energy.)


• Why isn't Superman using his x-ray vision to watch TV better than anyone?


• Lois Lane wearing superman's shirt.


• Using your x-ray vision to make sure ant colonies aren't siphoning money out of bank vaults.


• Advising strangers on the street that they have an untreated medical condition and they're like "go away creep"


• The spoon doing a catapult move because the handle is too heavy, and flinging chili everywhere.


• Plastic utensils for adults.


• Hitting the age when doctors start saying things like "let's see if we can get a couple more good years out of you"


• Whether the fork ever touches your tongue.


• Ceramic spoons.


• Melamine, the plastic material manufactured on Alf's home planet.


• Handsome Korean wooden spoons.


• Just slurping down a whole bowl of guacamole.


• Everyday Carry Forks.


• Metal utensils: so good, you carry them around.


• Trying to eat a leaf of lettuce with an extremely heavy fork.


• Eating a meal with a pickaxe and a pronged shovel.


• Turning the corner by Señor Fish.


• Different ways to kil for somebody.


• A punch-line that was not set up in the descriptive part of the poem.


• A poem that is a subset of another poem.


• Where is the wacky misunderstanding that I was promised?


• A bumper sticker reading "you just got passed by a bad driver (AI)"


• Slapping the "artificial intelligence" label on everything you write so people blame AI.


• Cinnamon toothpaste and ginger toothpaste.


• Conventionally spicy toothpaste.


• Toothpaste that doesn't taste like anything. (You know, for cats!)


• Spicy tuna toothpaste and black pepper toothpaste.


• Rinsing your mouth with lemon cleanser so your mouth can feel lemon fresh.


• Pure Piperin.


• Tubes: they're for squeezing.


• Phosphoric acid toothpaste.

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