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Just Short of a Length with Roy & HG
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Just Short of a Length with Roy & HG

Author: Macquarie Sports Radio

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Just Short of a Length with Roy & HG – coming off the long run and dancing to the sweet sounds of chin music. Australia’s favourite sports commentary duo have a new home on Macquarie Sports Radio and they’re on the front foot for the balls, the bouncers, the beamers, the back foot barrages, and whatever else is hurled their way. Hear Just Short of a Length with Roy & H.G, 10:00am – 12:00pm Saturday..
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Fresh off Vow and Declare’s huge Melbourne Cup victory for quiet Australia, the question must surely be asked: is it time for a horse to receive the Anzac Medal?It was a win sorely needed for Australia after the Kangaroos shock loss to Tonga which has had major domestic and international geopolitical implications. China must surely now see that if they want to be taken seriously in the Pacific, entering the realm of International Rugby League is a must.Domestically, we have far bigger concerns though as it is clear to the boys that the Kangaroos have tragically lost ‘the feel’. Do we need an enquiry? A royal commission perhaps. If so, it’ll need to be headed by someone removed from the game. Someone with suitable expertise to investigate exactly where we lost ‘the feel’ and how we can get it back.The boys then turn their focus to racing, that of the motor variety to start and we have just one question: who on earth put a microphone in front of Max Vertsappen?In the horse variety, does anyone know if Frankie Dettori has ever actually won anything or is his continual inclusion in the Melbourne Cup and other major race the work of dark forces that need to be investigated by The Horse Force?The countdown continues to the Clash of The Codes between Barry ‘Noodles’ Hall and Paul ‘The Stool’ Gallen. But considering the fight is to be held in Margaret Court arena, we feel the great lady herself should somehow be involved in the evening. Peter V’Landys says there’s buckets of money for the NRL to tap into to spruce up suburban grounds, develop regional rugby league and expand the competition with new clubs. But one of our loyal Lengthers who resides in ‘The Malabar Mansion’ thinks that money should go into establishing a National Correctional Facilities Competition. We think he might be onto something but the boys think we should go bigger and take the proposed comp international.Just one of many invaluable contributions this week from you listeners via via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.au.All of that and plenty more on another edition of Just Short of a Length with ROy & HG!
It seems the Australian cricket team coaching staff believe the future of pace bowling lies in being able to bowl backwards whilst sitting down considering the latest training regiment involves rowing. Mitch Starc isn’t happy and we can understand why.The boys are happy to see the normally timid and well-mannered Paul Gallen employing grubbery tactics leading up to his Clash of the Codes fight. Nick-naming Barry Hall noodles is inspired and a tactic that is sure to garner a meek and subdued response from Barry.The experts are at it again! This time they’ve used their immaculate judgement to not rank The Melbourne Cup among the top 100 horse races in the world. The boys aren’t having a bar of that and want the Border Force to investigate immediately!Speaking of, thanks to you listeners, Mick Fuller’s Horse Force is taking shape. So much so that we think the Australian Border Force need to step back and relinquish their duties when it comes to travelling punters from overseas. Top of Horse Force’s priorities though must be, has to be, can’t be anything other than investigating the alarmingly high cases of former jockeys going missing. Over the last decade, thousands of former jockeys have simply vanished and HG suspects dark forces are at play. Do we need to dig up every race-track in Australia to get to the bottom of this? Well that will be a matter for the Horse Force to decide.In what has to be one of the most outrageous decisions of 2019, speed racing fans were blindsided by the NSW government’s decision to demolish Sydney Speedway to make way for a train stabling yard of all things. The boys have seriously difficulty digesting this news. Do trains honestly need a place to have sleepover parties? Honestly!And the NRL have finally caught up to what’s been Roy & HG’s position for years - that rugby league is in the entertainment industry, not the sporting industry. New boss Peter V’landys has acknowledged this which makes us excited for what could be ahead in rugby league. A 24 hour NRL entertainment channel surely with shows such as Winger Wants a Wife and Bring on The Burgess Brothers.Invaluable contributions as always from the wider community, via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.auAll of that and plenty more on another edition of Just Short of a Length with ROy & HG!
Golf Month has reached a plateau, according to Golfing Australia, which means it’s time to turn your attention to Just Short Of A Length’s Cox Plate special.Australian Horse Racing has been riddled with turmoil this week, all because we don’t have enough of the Force embedded in the sport. Make no mistake, a horse can absolutely retain it’s dignity as dog food, but only with the proper policing. Enter stage-left; Mick Fuller’s Horse Force and The Dignity Act.Tiger Woods is set to release his auto-biography. Can he trust anyone else to accurately portray his life? It’s sprinkled with scandal, but nothing scaling the photographs of Bruce McAvaney and Winx living under one roof.The Wallabies are running up a storm, per usual, and now sights are focused on how they can bond with their Japanese counterparts. It could all start with one question; what are chopsticks?Shane Warne’s new movie is set to be a hit locally, but there are questions that need to be answered to determine how it will fare internationally; Who can be trusted to direct the cricket scenes? Will there be musical numbers? Will they be done in Bollywood style?Still looking at the big-screen, the iconic film-to-be, King Of The Mountain, has sprouted new legs with a new appeal to Chinese audiences by shooting a re-staged Bathurst-1000 in Shanghai. It could even become a cross-genre smash-hit by portraying the cars as ghosts.NRL Bosses are set to receive $1-million in bonuses, despite an “embarrassing” grand final. The final word could sit with The Horse Force man himself; Peter V’landys. Do they look at game-day experience, or reinvest into grass-roots developments; e.g. Hogs For The Homeless.Correspondence from the field, strong as ever, via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.au.  All of that and so much more on Just Short of a Length with Roy & HG!
Just Short Of A New Episode

Just Short Of A New Episode

2019-10-1901:22:07

Punters! Roy & H.G are off to the races for another weekend of massive collects!Fret not, and rest easy, as you can relive the disappointment with a highlights package and assortment of best bits.Roy and HG return Saturday 26 October on Macquarie Sports Radio.
Driving for show, putting for dough. Time to drag the bag, punters. Grip it and rip it, and get your daily dose of irons and morning woods - It’s Golf Month! Why not celebrate with a round at Adelaide Oval, Australia’s newest golf course, and Adelaide’s most exciting new attraction since St Peter’s Cathedral opened its doors to worshipers and golfers alike. Meanwhile, Sticky AKA Ricky AKA The Angry Ant AKA The Game’s Greatest Thinker AKA Carlos Smearson was robbed. The Green Machine was dudded. Jared Waerea-Hargreaves was dudded (note to self: never ask the NRL to build an app, or Darren Lockyer to competently use one). And the people of Australia were dudded by OneRepublic, who took to Australia’s Greatest Stage and failed play a single Cold Chisel or Midnight Oil cover. Rugby League eh. Typical. Like the boot needed to be plunged any deeper into Sticky’s battered and bruised disposition, but try telling Chooks coach Robbo that. Robbo had the audacity to brand Cooper Cronk “the greatest thinker to ever play Rugby League” -- in earshot of Sticky! The audacity! Anyway, the Artist Formerly Known As The Game’s Greatest Thinker decided to get out of Dodge and jet to Japan, parachuting into the English Rugby Union’s World Cup camp to lend a hand to Eddie Jones. We used to have a word for that…. Treason…Can you believe they’ve never made a movie about Bathurst?! A gritty, contemporary drama, a high-octane thriller, a full-throttle blockbuster… King Of The Mountain, Starring Craig Lowndes. Box office bonanza. Roy and HG are searching for a producer and an appropriate soundtrack for a training montage. Clear your schedule and set the bookie to speed dial because next weekend is a Punters Paradise. Starting Friday night, where riches will rain down on dishlickers like never before in the world’s richest greyhound race, The Million Dollar Chase! It’s been suggested a Best Tracksuit parade will replace Fashions on the Field as salt of the earth punters load up on Box 4. Followed by The Everest, what more needs to be said? Another week of massive collects!Your emails arrive via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.auAll of that and so much more on Just Short of a Length with Roy and HG!
The Boot Part Two has written Monday’s headline for you:RUGBY LEAGUE IS THE WINNER! The Chooks vs The Green Machine. Robbo vs the man they call Sticky AKA Ricky AKA The Angry Ant AKA The Game’s Greatest Thinker AKA Carlos Smearson… AKA League’s Funniest? Just ask the Gigglers in his posse, or wait until Sticky’s biography hits the shelves.A national security risk sits pride of place on the Canberra chest: Huawei. ASIO aren’t happy. Luckily, the ACT just legalised the GREEN in GREEN MACHINE, so will we see Northern Lights, or Oregon Diesel, or OG Kush emblazoned on the jumper?As for the Roosters, well, it’s Poultry in Motion. But answer us this - does a lifetime of free Steggles chickens fall under the salary cap? Victor the Viking, the big idiot in the boofhead suit, we salute you. We Viking Clap you! Congratulations on your 600th game as the Raiders Mascot. We’re guessing the costume is more sweat than suit these days.There’s a communist in our midst… a deep state agent, a behind enemy lines operative, a COMMIE. A Liberal!  A man who was a handful of votes away from being Prime Minister of Australia. A conservative monarchist(with a penchant for fishnet stockings. Alexander Downer - whodathunkit?! Is Cameron Smith a communist?! Roy’s just putting it out there… you be the judge, there’s no prejudice here, it’s just that he’s in the zeitgeist, and the dots must be connected. Why has he retired without telling anyone, if that’s really what’s happened? Who knew what and when?! Where’s Comrade Downer when you need him?Hall vs Paul. A cross-code bout for the history books. This has potential for limitless spinoffs, including Hall vs Paul: Table Tennis. Is Kelsey Lee Barber our new Golden Girl? The power. The style. The technique. The victory. It was a javelin masterclass. UFC243 - that came around quickly! There’s no better way to start a Sunday than to flick on the boss and see someone kneeing another man in the throat. The Last Stylebender doesn’t stand a chance against Robert ‘The Reaper’ Whittaker.Your emails arrive via RoyanHG@sportsradio.com.au - Beefy’s idea of a Giants rebrand…. GWS GWS. All of that and so much more on Just Short of a Length with Roy and HG!
Patriots, pilgrims, five-goals-no-behinds-kicking-fair-dinkum punters… The Festival of the Boot 2019 starts with a Big Big Sound wrapped in a Yellow and Black sash. It’s the day Grub Greene has been waiting for since learning how to digitally probe the rods and cones of opponents in the junior Grub leagues. And while the Big Dance is the focus on the day, eyes, ears and hearts yearn for the pre-match entertainment. Mike Brady’s Up There Cazaly. Paul Kelly’s ode to the MCG Leaps and Bounds. Icing on the cake goes to John Williamson, whose 46,354th rendition of Waltzing Matilda will move fans to tears.  All rise for Sir Kevin Sheedy, who ventured forth across the Anzac Bridge in search of a footy field in Western Sydney to stick a flag in and officially declare it AFL territory. Forget the fact that nobody in Western Sydney gave two licks about footy. Instead, focus on the fact that people love winners, irrespective of code. And those born in the west of the town are born winners. Lucy Zelic found herself in hot water (but not in a barrel, at least) after calling Adelaide a “S***hole” on a podcast.  Lucy’s not the first - nor will she be the last- to forget that microphones record what you say verbatim, and podcasts are published online for the world to consume and subsequently become outraged over. Roy was shocked to hear Lucy’s comments, firm in the belief that it's possible to enjoy at least a couple of hours in Adelaide, provided there’s a show on. Taylor Swift has scandalously pulled out of her hotly anticipated performance at the Race that Stops The Nation. Questions must be asked and answers sought. What did Taylor Swift think she was singing at? And who told her horse racing is cruel? We’re pointing the finger at Stella McCartney, who shares a pastel-hued and filled with whimsy vegan fashion line with Swifty. This has a real Stella McCartney stink about it. What about those Wallabies, right? Give us a Woolies backed commemorative coin already - THAT’LL bring the fans back!Emails arrive via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.au and the quality of your correspondence remains reliably high. Honourable mention this week to Bomber, whose one-punch-per-season quota for NRL players ought to be considered by Peter Beattie / Peter V’Landys as a matter of urgency. All of that and so much more on Just Short of a Length with Roy & HG!
It’s hard to tell if we’ve got more fireworks coming from faulty pyrotechnics or from this country’s sporting justice system. The NRL judiciary and AFL tribunal dominated the headlines this week and our boys are becoming concerned that the men and women who comprise these panels are becoming too much like C grade celebrities listening more to stylists and makeup artists than the lawyers and the fans.So bad is it now, that the old defence of “It wasn’t me out there - I don’t remember being on the field” can’t even get our favourite grubs off from pulling opponents’ hair and sticking fingers up their nose!Forget about climate strikes or oil prices, this is the major issue that needs to be addressed and in that spirit, Roy & HG put their heads together to come up with solutions. If our precious grubs are going to get suspended even when they’re guilty, it’s time to arm them on the field so they can do some proper damage and protect them off the field by replacing these pesky retired athletes with men and women from overseas that have zero connection to sport whatsoever.The Wallabies are about to start their Rugby World Cup campaign looking to utilise the artful tactic of focusing on any wins in the last decade to build momentum whilst ignoring any losses from the last month. After all, the boys agreed with one of your emailed suggestions that Fiji will bring a lot of momentum from their 1954 win against the Wallabies into this first game.But of bigger concern to the boys is how the Wallabies are currently promoting themselves to the youth of the country releasing special edition coins and wearing blazers and hats that are steel reinforced to keep the players from bursting out. Instead, the boys feel like a World Cup team mascot would be far more effective and who better than to model this mascot on than the Wallabies own Tolu Latu asleep in a car. After all, Latu’s defence was probably “It wasn’t me in there” - what could go wrong?All of that and a whole lot more from the week that was in sports and general buffoonery.
Get Your Grub On

Get Your Grub On

2019-09-1401:22:28

Grubs. They’re good for the game - just ask Kevin Sheedy, who this week delivered a golden nugget of grub wisdom: nice teams come last. Take a leaf out of Toby Greene’s book and Get Your Grub On.  In the modern era, where Rugby League Centres of Excellence are becoming as common as Rugby League off-field incidents, all Centres should establish a School of Grub, where players are educated in dark arts of grubbery by a shady emeritus professor. Hair pulling, wing nutting, eye-gouging, facialling, wrestling moves, squirrel grips, straight arms, jumper punches, off-ball agro; important skills for any self-respectless footy head.If Serena Williams is to break Margaret Court’s grand slam record, surely it has to happen at Margaret Court Arena! Cue the confetti cannons. In handing the honour over to the GOAT in waiting, Maggie could address the crowd and deliver a sermon, speaking in tongues.Taylor Swift’s hotly-anticipated performance at The Race That Stops The Nation has punters and Swifties salivating in unison. Animal rights activists not so much - Taylor shouldn’t have to put up with seeing a horse shot on the Flemington Straight! TayTay’s Melbourne Cup gig is a win for everyone, but especially for her young fans who get to experience the pure ecstasy of backing a winner for the first time. Your emails arrive at RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.au and the correspondence this week has been notably high quality. A parade for Steve ‘Savant’ Smith.The Rugby League Community Corp. Grub guidance. Genius. When was the last time you worked out in the Gym of the Mind? When was the last time you utilised your box of mindset tools? If the answer to those questions is never and not once, then perhaps Collective Mind can help. Just don’t ask for a referral from the Adelaide Crows…73% of Rugby League fans say negative headlines do not put them off watching the greatest game on earth. Hair pulling, wing nutting, eye-gouging, sex taping, public defecation - people love it!All of that and so much more in a week where too much sport is barely enough!
A Couple of Beers

A Couple of Beers

2019-09-0701:22:451

Just a couple of beers, that's how it starts. Just a couple of footy players enjoying a couple of beers, all part of a winning diet.Simply The Best. Tina Turner’s Rugby League anthem sounds as good now as it did then, arguably even better. But better can be better still, a universal fact which the NRL understands better than anybody. So how do you make Simply The Best Simply The Even Better? Two words. Dave. Grohl.Pizza and Coke. Tastes like Saturday night. But is it the diet of a champion? It might have been once upon a time, but Jeff Horn might need to consult a cookbook. Has Roger Federer earned a wing at the Australian War Memorial? Just asking… He’s proof that the Anzac Spirit can flow freely through foreigners. Just saying… Do you know what violence loving American sickos need? Rugby League. The greatest game on earth deserves a little love from the US of A, and Jorge Taufua gave them a tantalising entree with his colossal hit on Cameron Munster. How a little Australian atmosphere might make all the difference. Speaking of America… Hey Netflix, we’ve got an idea… The Book of Feuds… a miniseries. Starring Russell Crowe, complete with a case of Moet which may or may not have been nicked from those dirty Roosters. Also starring Sean Garlick, a renaissance man if there ever was one. Stage, screen, footy field, kitchen; Garlo’s got it all.Have the Bombers finally put the supplements saga behind them? Kevin Sheedy thinks so, and who are we to argue with Sheeds. Pilgrim and Patriot Martin got in touch via RoyAndHG@sportsradio.com.au with a detailed proposed curriculum for mandatory sports education in schools. After a nutritious lunch of pie and chips, we’ll be enthralled with 5th period’s Gallipoli and its Significance for Australian Sports Leadership Groups. That’s some Anzac Spirit right there.All of that and so much more on Just Short of a Length with Roy and HG!
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Comments (2)

Liam Yodgee

,szw.

Oct 8th
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Scott Jones

Brilliant! When too much Roy & H.G. is barely enough!

Aug 20th
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